Never Been Kissed
by Sissa
Summary: If you have seen the movie and liked it, you will like this.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's note: Okay, some of you might know my other fic "Welcome To My Life". From some unknown reason, I decided to write another, but I'm still working on my previous one, of course._

_This fic is slightly different. If you have seen the movie "Never Been Kissed" you know what this would be about. But it won't be exactly the same, of course, cause the would be boring. And I don't want to write something boring._

_Anyway, feedbacks, comments, anything, is very appreciated and needed._

_Oookay, now I stop rambling, I think._

_Disclaimer: I own almost nothing. I even borrowed some sentences from the original movie, haha. God, how I love that movie._

_My BIG "thank you" belongs to my beta-reader Amanda. Do you envy? Because you should :)_

**1.**

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was just trying to do my job. But then things happened. Well, _life_ happened.

Let's start from the beginning...

----

I was the youngest copy editor at the _Los Angeles Times_. I had my own office, unlimited stationary supplies... and a professional, dedicated assistant.

You could say that I had the perfect job. And I really thought I did.

Well, except for a couple of things…

"Oh my God, Spencer, guess what?"

I hear a voice behind me while I'm on my way to my office. I turn around and see who else but Madison Duarte, my co-worker and I guess you could say best friend. Or my _only_ friend. You choose.

She is wearing a _really_ short skirt and a very colorful tank top. I look down at myself; I'm wearing my best skirt suit today. Then I look back at Madison and suddenly I feel uncomfortable.

I guess I should have dressed more…girly. Right?

"What?"

I go toward my office with Madison behind me, stopping in front of my assistant, who has obviously very "important" call.

"Yeah…Uh huh…No freaking way…Are you fucking kidding me?"

I'm standing right in front of him, but he still doesn't look like he sees me. I _know_ he does. Because, for real, I'm not invisible. Am I?

I finally clear my throat and he glares at me, annoyed at my interruption.

"What?"

"Messages?"

He takes a couple of papers and hand them to me, quickly returning to his "important" call.

"No way. You did it? She did it? No fucking way…"

I'm not listening to him anymore as I walk into my office, knowing Madison is still behind me, following me like a lost puppy. I sit down on my comfortable chair, read the messages and drop them into the trash can. Nothing interesting.

When I still don't hear a word from Madison, I lift my head up to see her leaning against the door, grinning at me.

"What?"

"You won't believe what happened yesterday," she proclaims, all excited, and slumps down on the seat.

"What?"

"Guess who I did it with last night?"

Could she be more excited?

"Did what?"

She looks at me as if I was stupid. "Had sex."

"Oh."

What? I'm a little naïve sometimes. Okay, maybe not just sometimes.

"With who? This time?" I add.

She sticks out her tongue at me and replies, "Josh Kane."

"Who?"

She frowns. "You know, that guy I told you about a week ago. From the fourth floor. Dark hair and eyes, strong hands, incredible body…"

I cut her off. "Yeah okay, I remember."

She wanted to say something again, but someone interrupted her as he literally burst into the office.

"Has no one taught you to knock?" Madison spits out, irritated.

"I'm your boss, I don't have to knock."

Meet Aiden Dennison, our boss. 26 years old, dark hair and eyes, tall with a hot body. And rich. Very rich. His Dad owns this newspaper.

Yeah,_that_ rich.

Aiden and I, we grew up together. He's rich and pretty, and I'm Spencer Carlin, poor and not so pretty. Don't understand how we could have been friends? Well, we weren't. Not really. Aiden and my brothers were best friends. And because I was the youngest, they must have brought me with them everywhere.

Aiden tosses some papers on my desk.

"Computer's down. Septuplets story. I need it back by five. Hopefully the copy's not a mess."

"It is _hope_ that it's not a mess. "Hopefully" is an adverb. It means "with hope". You have it defining the copy, and I'm pretty sure the copy doesn't have feelings," I corrected him.

What? Don't look at me like that.

They both stare at me for a while, until Aiden frowns, says "whatever" and turns to face Madison.

"Soooo, I heard about you and Josh from fourth," he says, grinning slyly.

"What?! Who told you?!" Madison shrieks.

Ouch, my ears hurt now.

He frowns. "Pleaaaase, everybody knows."

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my…"

I cut off her rambling about God. "Madison, this is not the first time you slept with a co-worker and everybody knew, so just get over it."

They both look at me in shock. I've never been this harsh.

"Don't you need to get laid or something…?" she asks.

Oh, if she only knew.

"Shut up."

"Seriously, girl, you need to have sex finally," Aiden agrees as she turns around to leave.

"Oh," I stop him, "did you see the story idea I left on your desk?"

"Yeah, it was good. I got Strauss on it."

What? That's my article!

"But…uh…I thought…"

He looks at me, "Spencer, we've been over this. You're a great copy editor. But you're not a reporter. Get over it."

With that and a smirk, he left.

That motherfucker.

-----

It's lunchtime and I'm sitting with Madison in our cafeteria, eating my sandwich.

"I don't understand why he can't let me write. I'm good, you know I am, right?" I look at her with sad eyes.

"I know you are. You're probably the best reporter I know."

I sigh. "So tell me, why he doesn't let me write?"

Madison places her hand on top of mine. "I don't know, Spence. I really don't."

"Hey, ladies," I hear a voice behind me and see a dark haired girl sitting down next to us.

"Hey, Chelsea," we both reply.

"Oh my God, have you both seen the new editor?" she asks excitedly.

Oh, sweet Jesus, again?

"What? Who? Where?" Madison obviously gets excited too, as always when there's talk about boys.

They start to talk about that new guy, while I'm playing with my food, bored. Very bored. I think they noticed, because they stop all of a sudden and fix their dark eyes on me.

"What?" I glare at them.

"You_really_ need to get laid," Madison proclaims.

"What? Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

They frown. "Just because."

Maybe they're right. Maybe I really need to get laid. You know, after 25 years of being a virgin, it's kinda depressing.

And what's is even more depressing is I've never been kissed.

I'm Spencer Carlin, a 25-year-old copy editor who's never been kissed.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author__'__s note: Heeey. Thank you so much for the feedbacks :) I hope you will like this chapter as well. Let me know, mkay?_

_Enjoy._

**2.**

Yeah, I really don't lie. Do you think it's something I'm proud of?

Because it's NOT.

I hate it. I hate being the only girl...person, who never have been kissed. As I said, it's frustrating and depressing. Maybe that's why nobody knows. Well, nobody but my brother.

It's not that I've never been interested. I have. Trust me, I have. But boys haven't. I always was that mousy in the middle of crowd that nobody even noticed. Not boys, not girls. No one.

It's kind of sad, don't you think?

I've never had real friends. It was just me and my brothers. Mom and Dad were kinda strange and I've never had a close relationship with them. On the other hand, I loved my brothers. They both were everything to me and even though they could such fools sometimes, I felt loved.

At least by someone.

I was 15 when Clay, my older brother died. He was adopted and black, which some boys couldn't stand. They shot him on his way home. He died immediately and I couldn't even tell him goodbye.

After that everything changed. I wanted to achieve something, something to make him proud of me. I went to college and became as a journalist. I got a job at the biggest Los Angeles newspaper, thanks to Aiden, and I was satisfied. Not happy, just satisfied.

But I want more. I want to become a real journalist, not just a copy-editor.

Do I want too much?

----

Another morning and we all are sitting in a conference room, listening to Aiden's dad.

"We need new ideas. God, people, no one has new ideas?"

I look around and see all my co-workers with their heads down, looking at the papers. Or, at least, they act like that.

"Spencer." I hear my name.

I lift my head up and I meet with a soft stare coming from Mr. Dennison. I always liked Aiden's Dad. He is nice and kind, not like his son.

"Yeah?"

"Do you have something?" he asks, and I feel every face turns toward me.

"I…uh…"

I desperately look around the room and see Madison reading some magazine for teenagers.

"Teenagers!" I blurt.

"What?"

"Uh…I think we should write something about teenagers today. I mean, how much do we know about them? Who are they? How do they act? What are they thinking?"

I stop and glance around to see all eyes fixed on me. I already feel myself blushing. I probably look like a tomato.

Then I glance at Mr. Dennison, who seems to be thinking really hard. After a while he still doesn't say anything and I start feeling sick. I guess I shouldn't…

"That is a great idea!"

Every pair of eyes looks at him in shock, along with me.

"Spencer, you enroll on Monday. Undercover."

I guess I finally got my chance.

-----

"No. No way, Spencer."

I'm in our old house, where my brother Glen still lives with our parents. He is almost 27, but still doesn't seem like he's going to move out. I think he is satisfied with my parents supporting him. He doesn't have even a real job yet, but my parents don't mind for some unknown reason.

"Please, Glen. I'll give you anything. I'll do anything."

"For how long?" he asks with his head stuck in the fridge.

"Just for a couple of months."

He pulls out from the fridge and looks at me in disbelief. "What? You want to borrow my car, my Chevrolet Camaro from 1969, my only love, for a couple of months?"

I innocently smile at him. "Yes…?"

"Forget it," He resolutely shakes his blond head.

"Pleaaaaase, Glen. I'll give you my car."

"Wow. This must be big, if you want to give me your car. The car you never lend to anyone in this world."

I nod. "I got an assignment from the paper. I'm going undercover. Back to high school."

Then Glen starts laughing.

"Why are you laughing?" I glare at him.

He finally stops laughing and replies, "Spencer, this is not a good idea."

I frown. "Why not?"

He looks at me, amused. "Spence, do you remember high school?"

I fix my eyes on the floor. "It was a long time ago."

His voice softens. "Spence…"

"Okay, I do."

_Flashback:_

_She walks through the hallway in King High School; nobody notices her. She sees cheerleaders, surrounded by basketball stars, she sees nerds with nerds, Goth kids and many other groups. _

_And then there's her. She's walking all alone. She has no group. It's just her and no one else._

-----

"Glen, please. That was a long time ago. I'm different now. The kids there are different."

He shakes his head. "I don't think so. I think they're still the same."

"Whatever. Just lend me your car, please. I can't go there with mine."

He finally gives up and hands me the key. "Fine, but remember that I warned you."

"Yay!" I jump him in his arms, hugging him, and give him a peck on the cheek.

"Thanks, bro. Love you," I say before I leave in his car. Well, it's mine now.

----

"Girl, if you really want to look like a teenager, you need to do something with your whole look."

I'm in my apartment with Madison and Chelsea, looking through my wardrobe. Well, Chelsea and I are looking, while Madison sits on my bed, commenting on everything.

"Seriously, your clothes are…too…" Chelsea starts, searching for the right word.

"Boring?" Madison added.

I frown at them. "They're not boring. They are just…"

Madison cut me off very quickly. "Boring. Just admit it, Spence. None of today's teenagers wear these clothes."

She stands up, and faces me, brushing my hair.

"You're really beautiful, Spencer. I don't understand why you hide yourself behind these," she frowns, "clothes. It's not you. You should wear more girly clothes, not those ugly pants suits."

She touches my face, tracing it with her long fingers and I shiver.

Wait, why am I shivering? It's just Madison.

"You have a really beautiful face. If you used some make-up, it would be even better."

"She is right, Spencer." I look at Chelsea, who is nodding at Madison's words.

Maybe they're really right.

I sigh and give up. "Okay, do something with me."

"Yay!" They both squeal.

----

After three hours of shopping in the biggest mall in L.A. we are at the hairstylist, the best in L.A. At least that's what Madison told me.

"So, honey, what would you like to do with this?" he asks as he turns me in the seat.

"I…uh…anything?" I spit out, not really knowing what I should say.

"Diego, just do anything you want to. She must look hot," Madison says, sitting next to me in the seat as some hairstylist is washing her hair.

"Yeah, she must look hot and young," Chelsea adds and I look at her. She is sitting next to me on the other side, another hairstylist doing something with her hair.

Diego turns me around again, so I can see both of us in the mirror. He smiles at me and I think he noticed my scared look, because he smiles even wider.

"Don't worry, honey, you will look beautiful."

Oh, didn't I say it sooner? He is _so_ gay.

Minutes pass and Diego finally seems to be satisfied with his job. I don't know how I look, because from some unknown reason I must have covered my eyes. Madison and Chelsea wanted this to be a surprise or something.

"Alright, sweetie, you're done." He turns me around; now we are facing each other. He uncovers my eyes.

"Oh my God, Spence, you look beautiful!" Madison shrieks as she sees me.

"Well, yeah, thanks, can I look now?" I ask, looking around for the mirror.

"Nope. We are gonna do your make-up first," Diego says.

I protest. "What? But I don't need it today. I mean, I have to be there tomorrow, so…" I try stand up, but he pushes me back into the chair.

"But we want you to look hot today, don't we?"

"Absolutely," I hear voices from my so-called friends.

I sigh. "Okay."

-----

Minutes pass again and Diego finally stops whatever he was doing with my face. It wasn't that bad, though. I don't wear make-up at all and it was nice to feel someone doing it for me.

"Okay, sweetie, we are done."

He calls Madison and Chelsea and when they see me, their mouths drop wide open.

Is it that bad?

"Oh my God, girl, you look incredibly hot," Madison pronounces.

I turn around to look at myself and what I see leaves me speechless. Madison was right. I do look hot. Incredibly hot. Is that even me? I slowly run my hands over my hair. It's no longer just long without any form, but shorter. Not too short, not too long, just right. My hair color isn't just ordinary blond anymore, but a gorgeous shade of golden color.

Then I touch my face, a face who has never known make-up until now. Hell, I don't look like an old woman anymore. I finally look like a young girl, exactly what I need for the next couple of months.


	3. Chapter 3

_Author's note: Guess what? Another update :) _

_I_'_ll__ try to update Welcome To My Life as soon as possible; I just have to wait till my beta send it back to me. Have patience with me, pwease.. :p_

**3.**

"Okay, are you ready?"

It's Monday morning and I'm sitting in Glen's car with Madison in a parking lot in front of King High School, a school I used to go to. Do you wonder if I'm scared that teachers will recognize me? No, I'm not. As I said before, no one ever noticed me. Not students, not even teachers. I doubt anyone will recognize me.

"No, I'm not. Do you see those kids and their cars? I think I should have kept my car," I sigh, frustrated.

Madison places her hands on my shoulders. "You can make it. You're Spencer Carlin, the best copy-editor at the L.A. Times. If anyone can make this, it's you. Got it?"

"I think this wasn't the best idea," I say, looking her sadly in the eyes.

She frowns. "Spencer, are you even listening to me?" She doesn't let me reply as she answers instead of me. "Obviously not. Look at you; you look like a 16-year-old student. It's perfect," she finishes, before she kicks me out of the car.

Literally.

Ouch, my ass hurts now.

I look around the parking lot and see students in groups walking toward the school. It happens again; others kids in groups and me all alone. God, I don't want it to happen again. Not once. I need to find friends.

"I can do this. I can do this," I repeat to myself.

Some girls walking around me probably hear me, because they turn around and giggle.

I start walking towards the school, ignoring the others staring at me. Why are they staring? Do I look old? Oh my God, they know I'm 25, not 16, they know. Oh my God, what will I do?

Just play it cool, nobody knows anything.

I look at the paper in my hand, trying to find my locker. Thank God I remember where they are.

I finally find it and try to unlock that damn locker. It doesn't work somehow. Oh Jesus Christ, why doesn't it work? I desperately look around to see people staring at me, amused.

Why are they staring?

"Excuse me, what are you doing at my locker?" I slowly turn around and my gaze is met with a pair of brown eyes.

"I…uh…I thought…" I stutter.

Her full lips curl into an arrogant smile. "You thought what?"

"I thought this was my locker," I finally manage.

She is still staring at me with those brown eyes and I feel myself blushing.

"Well, as you can see, it's not. So go and find your own."

She doesn't wait for my reply as she pushes me away and easily opens her locker.

Damn it, I won't find friends if I would act like this.

I look again at the paper. Fuck, it wasn't locker number 112, but 121. Ugh!

After another couple of minutes, I finally find the right locker, throw in my bag, and sigh heavily as I lean against it. Suddenly, I hear a giggle coming from the left side; I turn around and see a dark-haired girl, apparently giggling at me.

I raise my eyebrow. "Umm…can I help you?"

She finally stops giggling. "I'm sorry. You're new, huh?" She smirks.

"Yeah, I'm Spencer."

She sticks out her hand. "Kyla. Nice to meet you."

I accept it immediately. "You too. How did you know I'm new?" I ask curiously.

She giggles again. "I saw you with Sarah."

I raise my eyebrow in confusion.

"You know, the girl with the locker," she explains.

"Oh, right. So you've seen my humiliation?"

"Yeah, well, you weren't the only one. Sarah is head cheerleader. And a bitch," she adds.

"You two aren't friends, huh?"

She laughs. "Sarah and me? Well, let's say we don't like each other very well."

I grin. "I got it."

----

After a couple of minutes spending with Kyla, I find out that she is a nice girl. A nice, sixteen year old girl. I try to act like 16-year-old, but it's pretty hard since I'm older by 9 years. However, we get along well. At least I hope so, because if I want to write about teenagers, I have to know some of them. Right?

We found out that we have the same classes, which is cool, 'cause finally I won't be alone.

We are on our way to our first class.

"God, I hate English," she frowns.

I look at her, surprised. "Why? It's like the best subject ever."

Okay, I admit I'm a nerd. So?

She glances at me as if I'm stupid. "You're weird."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"You are."

I think we would continue if we finally didn't reach our class. We sit down next to each other.

After a while, we have to stop talking because our teacher walks into the class. I give her a fleeting look and suddenly, I can't breathe.

Wait, why can't I breathe?

I think she has something with it, because her beauty doesn't allow me to breathe, hear, or even see anyone else.

I stare at her long brown hair, incredible dark eyes, and even more incredible body.

"Spencer? Spencer!" I feel someone shaking my body.

I look at Kyla, who's trying to break my stare. "Huh?"

"Why are you staring at her like that?" she whispers.

I finally come back to reality. "I…I don't. Who is she?" I whisper back.

I see her grin. "That's my sister. She is our English teacher."

Uh huh.

"She's your sister?"

"Yep."

"Excuse me, do you two have something you would like to share with us?" An amused husky voice interrupts us and our heads quickly lift up.

"No, we're sorry, Miss Davies," Kyla says apologetically.

I see her eyes fix on me. "Are you new?" she asks, and I just nod.

Because, for real, I'm not able to speak right now.

I watch her lips curl into a smile. "Your name?"

"I…uh…" I feel every pair of eyes on me.

"Spencer. Her name is Spencer Carlin," Kyla answers for me.

I feel myself blushing. Again.

"Well, welcome, Miss Carlin. My name is Ashley Davies and I'm your new English teacher."


	4. Chapter 4

_Author's note: Guess what? I'm updating this fic as well. Yay! I'm so great :D Okay, I stop for now._

_Thaaaaaanks for feedbacks. And keep them going, pwease. _

_By the way, Sarah is playing by Ashley Tisdale, Angel by Lyndsy Fonseca and Chris by Corbin Blue. Just wanted you to know how they really look like._

_PS: Are you guys so pissed off cause of SoN cancelling too? Grrrrrr_

**4.**

Ashley Davies.

I think I like that name.

Ashley Davies.

Spencer Davies.

Wait! Spencer Carlin, stop thinking like that! Now!

She is your teacher. Your high school teacher. A woman teacher.

A hot teacher.

Oh God, someone kill me, please.

-----

"Okay. How many of you read the assignment last night?"

Oh, we have still English.

I glance around and see about five hands go up. I look back at Ashley, I mean, Miss Davies, as she smiles, amused.

"Not bad. Now how many of you spent more than thirty minutes eating salty snack foods?"

I glance around again and spot about twenty hands up. Ashley laughs.

"Man. If I could just get you guys to read while you eat."

The class laughs and when Ashley opens the book, they sigh.

"What? You all know we have to learn sometimes." She smirks at the class.

Oh God, she's cute when she does that.

Then I realize I have no book. I look at Kyla desperately and she smiles and moves her desk closer to mine, gladly sharing her book.

"Okay, so about our new assignment. 'As You Like It' is an example of a Shakespearean…" She turns around and starts to write something on the blackboard.

Suddenly, I hear gasps coming from the boys in the class. I look up to see what's going on and my stare is met with the perfect ass of my English teacher.

Okay, now I get it.

She doesn't seem to notice the gasps from horny guys, and if she does, she apparently doesn't care.

I force myself break my stare and move my eyes to the blackboard. She turns around again to face the class as she continues.

"_Pastoral_ Comedy. Anyone know what that means?" she asks.

I feel Kyla get excited next to me.

"Oh oh oh! That's what they do to milk!" she proclaims happily.

Ashley smiles. "That's _pasteurize_, Kyla. But close."

She glances around the class. "Anyone else…?" she asks hopefully.

"Pastoral means set in the country. Originally seen in the Eclogues of Virgil. It's from the Latin pascere. To graze."

Wait. Was it my voice? Was it me?

When I feel every single pair of eyes stare at me, I'm sure. It was me.

Oh God. I think I'm gonna throw up.

"Wow. I didn't know our new student was such a smart girl," she grins at me nicely.

"Yeah, well…" Say something! "I try." Nice job, loser.

-----

Lunchtime. I think this is the first lunch in my whole life that I'm not sitting alone. How happy am I?

Very, even though it's just Kyla and I. But still, at least it's someone, right?

"Where are your friends?" I ask her, eating my sandwich.

She frowns. "I don't know. Somewhere."

I raise my eyebrow. "Somewhere?"

"Well, yeah. They always show up when you don't expect them to."

"Kyyyy!" Suddenly I hear a girl's voice coming from behind us. I don't even manage to turn around when a girl and boy slump down on the table with heavy sighs.

Kyla rolls her eyes. "See, I told you."

The boy glares at me. "Who are you?" he asks suspiciously.

"That's Spencer. She is new," Kyla answers for me. Again. Is she my agent or something?

The boy's glare immediately softens as he sticks out his dark hand. "Chris."

I gladly accept his hand with "Spencer. Nice to meet you."

He smiles at me, showing his perfectly white teeth. "You too."

"And this…" Kyla points at the dark-haired girl with incredible blue eyes, "…is Angel."

"Angel? Interesting name."

The girl frowns. "My name is Angelica, actually. Don't ask."

She is staring at me with those blue eyes and I already feel myself blushing.

"So, are you gay?"

What?

"What?"

Kyla slaps her on the shoulder.

"Ouch," she whimpers. "What? I was just asking," she says, rubbing her shoulder. Chris seems to be amused at the scene in front of him as he giggles loudly.

Then Kyla turns to me. "Excuse her. She is a jerk." She glares at Angel.

"Anyway, are you?" Chris asks with a big grin on his face.

What is with these people?

"Because Angel here…" he playfully slaps her on the same shoulder as Kyla before, "likes girls a lot," he chuckles.

"Shut up, Chris!" Angel exclaims, rubbing her shoulder again.

"Well, I'm not gay," I say to shut them finally up.

Angel makes a sad face. "Aww, what a pity. 'Cause you're like really hot."

I'm blushing. AGAIN.

This time is my turn to ask. "So are you gay?" I give Angel a curious look.

She smirks. "Well, let's just say I'm not into labels. Like I totally would go for some girls and some boys too, you know. Especially Kyla's sister," she says with a dreamy face.

Then Kyla finally speaks. "First, you go for _every_ boy and girl you meet, and second, stop talking about my sister like that! It's disgusting." She frowns.

"What? It's not my fault that Ms. Davies is so hot."

Chris joins in, apparently enjoying the discussion. "Oh yeah, she is right, Ky. Your sister is the hottest 25-year-old woman I know. And trust me, I know a lot of them," he grins cheekily.

Well well well, so she is 25? Niiice.

"Chris, you're a horny pig," Kyla cuts him off.

"An incredibly hot pig," he corrects her.

"Anyway, tell us something about you, Spencer." Angel interrupts their little fight and they all turn to me with questioning looks on their faces.

Uh oh.

"Like what?"

"Everything."

I start nervously playing with my fingers, something I do when I'm nervous.

"Uh…Well…" Think fast!

"I grew up in Ohio and moved here with my parents and brother a while ago." Lies, lies, lies.

"How old is he?" Angel asks immediately.

"26."

A disappointed look flashes across her face. "Too old."

I tell them some other lies about my "life" till they're finally satisfied and start to talk about something else.

"Do you want to hang out at my place after school?" Kyla asks, looking at them.

"Yeah, sure," Chris replies and Kyla turns to me, waiting for my answer.

"Umm…yeah, I'd like to," I reply shyly and she smiles.

"Good. My sister will give us a ride."

Cool.

----

After school, I'm supposed to meet up with Kyla, Chris, and Angel at the parking lot where I started my first morning in this school. I don't have Glen's car here, cause stupid me lent it to Madison for today.

I'm standing there alone, looking around for them, but they haven't shown up yet.

Then I hear a voice behind me.

"Well, well, well, look who is here."

I slowly turn around and I'm met with a blonde girl with an arrogant smile.

Sarah. That's her name, I guess.

But this time she's not alone. Instead, three other blond girls surround her. Same hair, same arrogant smiles.

"Did you find your locker?" she asks and I just nod. I'm stunned.

They get closer to me and I take a step back. I don't want them too close.

Her lips curl into an amused smile. "What? Are you afraid of me?"

"N…no."

The truth is, I've always been afraid of bitches like her. Not good memories.

"Well, it looks like you are." They take another step closer and I take another back.

"Do we have a problem here?" A stern, husky voice interrupts us.

I see a disappointed look on Sarah's face. "No, Ms. Davies. We're just leaving."

They turn around and leave without another glance back.

I still can't move. Why the fuck can't I move?!

"Hope they didn't do anything." The stern voice suddenly softens when she speaks to me.

I finally manage to turn around and spot Ms. Davies, Ashley, thoughtfully staring at me.

"N…no. I'm fine."

"Okay, I'm glad." She smiles with this beautiful smile. "Kyla told me you're her new friend."

"Uh-huh."

Her smile grows wider and she shows her perfect teeth. "You amazed me during English. Nobody before you knew as much about Shakespeare as you do."

I'm turning red. I know I am.

"Uh…thanks."

She chuckles. "You're not much a talker, are you?"

Could I be even redder?

Thank God I don't have to respond as Kyla and the group finally show up.

"There you are. I was looking for you everywhere." Kyla frowns.

"Sorry, Ky. I had something to do," Ashley replies, giving her sister an apologetic smile.

"Yeah, whatever. Can we go now? I want to leave the Hellmouth as soon as possible."

"Okay, let's go," Ashley proclaims, leading us to her car.


	5. Chapter 5

_Author's note: Thank you so much for all the feedbacks. I truly love them, you have no idea how much. _

_Anyway, here is the next chapter. Enjoy. And let me know what you think._

**5.**

Do you ever have that feeling that you met your true love? You know, that kind of feeling where you can't get that person out of your head even though you barely know them, and you have those weird butterflies in your stomach everytime they speak to you?

That kind of feeling where you long for their attention even though they barely look at you? That kind of feeling where you want to know everything about them and you want them to know everything about you? That kind of feeling where you think you will never meet a person as beautiful them again? That kind of feeling where the only thing you want while you talk to your new friends is just go into the next room and have incredible sex with the owner?

You don't? Okay, maybe it's just me.

I'm sitting on the bed with the others in Kyla's room while her sister is making us a snack. God, isn't that sweet of her? I would kill for a sister like that. Instead, I got a brother who is a pain in ass. Seriously, how fair is that?

"So Spencer…" Huh? Is someone talking to me?

I zoom in on Kyla who I think was asking me something and give her a confused smile. "Huh?"

"Are you single?"

God, how I hate those questions.

"Yes, I am," I reply with a fake smile on my face.

They stare at me in disbelief. "What?"

"But you're hot!"

Haha, don't be funny, Chris.

"No, seriously," he continues, "do you want to maybe…go out with me?"

I look at him, amused. Maybe if he wasn't just 17 and if I wasn't already in love with the teacher and my future wife, I would go out with him. But this way…

"Uh…"

"Leave her alone, Chris! Don't you see she isn't interested?" Thank God, Kyla saves me before I could mutter some unconvincing excuse.

He glares at her. "How could you know that? Obviously, you're too blind to see that _every_ girl is interested in me. So please shut up and let her reply."

Oh no.

"Oh really? So tell us, Spencer, would you go out with Chris here?" Kyla points at him and they all stare at me with expecting expressions on their faces.

Great, what now?

"Uh…" I'm ready to finally mutter an unconvincing excuse when a soft knock interrupts me.

Thank you, God.

"Come in," Kyla says, and the door opens. The goddess walks in the room with cookies on a plate.

"I made you some cookies." She smiles and places the plate on the night stand.

The group smile along with her. "Thanks Ashley."

Now do you wonder why they call her Ashley, not Miss Davies? Come on, don't be silly, how weird it would be if they called their friend's sister Miss and not her first name? They are allowed to call her Ashley outside of the school.

Her smile grows wider. Oh Jesus, how I love that smile.

"Do you guys want anything else?" she asks, and I swear she looks right at me with this sweet look of her own.

"No. Thanks, sis."

She gives us one last smile before she turns around and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.

The room stays silent for a while before Chris and Angel collapse on the bed, sighing heavily.

"I'm in love," Angel proclaims, smiling dreamily.

Chris gently slaps her on the shoulder. "No, you're not. I am."

Wait a minute. Wasn't that you who asked me out a couple of minutes ago?

"Ashley is so hot."

Obviously not.

Then I hear Kyla's frown. "Stop it, pig! I'm not repeating it, she's my sister. And your teacher, jerk." She rolls her eyes.

"So? It would be like in the movies. A hot teacher and a hot student," he says, continuing to dream in his own world.

"Yeah, like in Loving Annabelle," Angel adds with a sly grin on her face.

In what?

Kyla frowns again. "But that was a lesbian teacher. And my sister is not gay."

Oh, she is not? What a pity.

Wait. Stop thinking like that, you're not gay either!

Angel sits up a little, smirking at Kyla. "How can you be so sure? You yourself told us she hasn't had a boyfriend for a long time."

"And that means she's gay?"

Angel grins. "Who knows? Maybe one day some girl will be lucky to have a hot girlfriend named Ashley Davies. And maybe that girl will be me."

You wish.

Kyla gives Angel a stern look. "Angel, seriously, stop dreaming. This isn't Loving Annabelle. This is real life where you are 17 and my sister is 25. Got it?"

Angel rolls her eyes and lays back down on the bed, returning to her dreaming about whatever.

"Uh…" Yeah, that's me who's speaking this time.

"What is Loving Annabelle?"

----

"You really want to watch this?"

I look over at Madison sitting on my couch, skeptically looking at me while I'm putting the DVD in the player.

"Yes. I told you, it's something like a new Dirty Dancing for them. They all are obsessed with it."

She gazes at me, highly amused. "Dirty Dancing, huh?"

I finally turn on the player and sit next to her on the couch. "Yeah. You know, forbidden love."

"But Spencer, this movie is about two lesbians, not dancers. It's not Baby and Johnny, but…" she pauses, grabbing the case of DVD, "Annabelle and Simone."

I tear the case out of her hand. "Just shut up and watch."

----

Minutes pass and the movie's just ended. I glance at Madison and see tears running down her face.

"That bitch. She…she... That bitch," she's mumbling between the sobs, still glaring at the now black TV screen.

"I…I hate sad endings. Give me a..another handkerchief." I quickly hand them to her, looking amusedly at her as she's blowing her nose.

When she feels my stare on her, she glares my direction. "What?"

"I didn't know you were so sensitive."

"Shut up. They were meant to be. And that bitch ruined everything."

I grab the case to the DVD, studying it. "Wait."

She gazes at me. "What?"

"The movie has an alternate ending," I say, still studying the case.

"Really?" she asks hopefully.

"Yeah, really." I turn on the player again.

----

Minutes pass again and when the alternate ending is done, Madison still stares at TV screen. Then she turns to my direction.

"And where exactly is the ending?" she asks confused.

"You didn't get it?"

"No…?"

I sigh. "Simone wasn't accused and Annabelle went after her to her beach house," I explain.

"Oh."

Then she looks at me, her brown eyes still red from crying. "Next lesbian movie, please?"


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Gaahhh, I thought I won't be even able to update tonight, because of my stupid sister and her stupid boyfriend. Why the hell they have to be at our place ALL THE TIME?! Grrrr... Seriously, I want my own room. Stupid sister. Stupid boyfriend. Stupid both of them._

Yeah, okay, I'm calm now and I can update.

Enjoy.

PS. Oh yeah, I borrowed some sentences from that movie again, since I have no clue about American school stuff. Forgive me.

_And Chuck is played by Chad Michael Murray. _

**6.**

"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players."

"Thanks, Kyla. Anyone have any idea what Shakespeare meant by that?"

Another day in a school called King High and another lesson of English with my future wife. She is perched on her desk, her long, tan legs crossed.

Could she be any hotter?

I look around the class and see every head tilted down.

She sighs. "Anyone?" She glances around. "I guess that means no. It's about disguise, playing a part. It's the theme of "As You Like It." Can anyone tell me where we see that?"

I see some girl squirm in her seat. "Well, Rosalind disguises herself as a man and escapes into the forest."

Ashley smiles. "Right. And it's when she's in costume that she can finally express her love for Orlando. See, Shakespeare's making the point here that when we're disguised, we feel freer. We can do things we wouldn't do in ordinary life."

This time I squirm in my seat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. She stands up and walks toward some guy.

"Mark, when you go on the basketball court in your uniform, what happens?"

The boy looks at her, confused. "We win?"

The class chuckles along with Ashley. "Yeah, right. But you also hit people. You yell. Touch others guys' butts."

The boy's eyes grow wider as the class laughs. "I do not!"

"Yes, you do. But it's okay, because you're in uniform. Disguise changes the rules. You know, when I was young I had these Superman pajamas."

The class laughs.

"Yeah, well, I always wanted to be Superwoman, so I forced my mom to buy me them. Anyway, I thought when I wore them I had a super power. You know, being able to fly. One night I tried to fly from the garage roof."

"Did you make it?" some girl asks.

Ashley smiles. "Yeah. To the Emergency Room, yeah."

It's the end of the lessons and I'm by the lockers with Kyla, Chris and Angel. I open my locker, trying to find my notebook with my notes, but when I can't find it, I close the locker with a frustrated sigh. These notes are important.

"What's wrong?" Kyla asks.

"I can't find my notebook."

"So?" Angel joins in.

I give her an irritated glare. "So? I have important notes in this notebook."

"Okay, okay, calm down. We're gonna find it," she says kindly.

I smile at her, thankful. "Thanks."

"No problem. We split up. You go to the English classroom and we'll look in the Math and Biology classrooms."

I nod and walk away from them, hurrying to the English room. When I reach the door and open it, I stop and stand still. In front of me at her desk sits Ashley, peacefully reading a book. She doesn't seem to notice me, so I clear my throat. She quickly lifts her head up and smiles when she spots me.

"Hey."

I shyly smile back. "Hey. I…umm…I'm looking for my notebook."

She closes the book and stands up. "Yeah, I found one notebook after our lesson." She reaches into her desk and pulls out a white notebook. Yep, that's mine.

"Is this yours?" she asks.

I nod, close the door behind me and finally move towards her. She's standing right in front of me, holding my notebook in her small hand. I reach for it and then our fingers meet. I immediately pull my hand back, because what I felt when our hands touched was something I haven't expected. I think she felt it too, because she looks at her hand, then at mine and then finally me in the eye. We stay like that for a moment before she breaks the eye contact and nervously smiles.

"Umm…uh…I'm gonna go now," I stutter, also nervously.

"Yeah. See you tomorrow," she replies and turns around. I don't wait for anything else before I turn around too and quickly leave the room.

"Hey, do you want to go to my place?" Kyla asks all of us. We're standing at the parking lot, heading toward my car.

"Yeah, sure," Angel replies, looking at Chris who nods. They look at me.

"I…uh…I don't know."

Honestly, I don't feel like going to Kyla's place again, where her hot sister will be. At least not after what happened today.

"Oh come on, why not?" Chris asks.

Okay, what now?

"I…umm…" Think! "Okay."

Great job again, Spencer.

They smile, satisfied, as we continue walking toward my car. This time we're going with mine, not Ashley's. Thank God. Maybe if I'll be lucky, she won't even be home.

Wrong.

Of course she's home. And she's not alone.

As we enter their house where they live all alone, without their parents who, like Kyla said, died when she was a kid, we hear a laugh coming from her sister and another one coming from an unknown person. A person who happens to be a man. A hot man. A hot, tall, blond-haired man around my age. I mean, around my _real_ age. We find them sitting in the living room on the couch drinking wine, talking and laughing happily. I thought Ashley wasn't dating anybody.

We all are staring at them, surprised. Even Kyla looks like she has never seen this guy before. Who the hell is he?

The don't see us until Kyla clears her throat, informing them they're not alone. Then they finally look at us with big smiles on their faces and stand up.

"Uh…hey, guys," Ashley greet us, smiling nervously.

Why is she nervous?

"Excuse me, who are you?" Kyla asks the strange man, not even looking at her sister.

"I'm Chuck," he holds out his manly hand, waiting for Kyla to accept it. Wrong, hot boy. She just continues glaring at him, unfriendly.

"You must be Kyla, right?" he asks, trying to be nice as he pulls his hand back.

She doesn't reply; instead she says coldly, "I don't know any Chuck."

He scratches his head and desperately looks at Ashley. "He is my old friend from high school," she says, and I see her staring straight at me. I'm not able to stare back, because all I can think of is the guy in front of Kyla and how I want to kill him right now.

But I'm not jealous. I mean, I don't have a reason to be jealous. Right?

"You didn't tell me about any Chuck from high school." Oh, that's Kyla again.

Ashley chuckles nervously. "Yeah, well, he is in L.A. because of work and we met today accidentally, so I invited him over."

Kyla glares at her sister, then at the hot boy and again at Ashley.

"Whatever. Come on, guys," she says and leads us upstairs.

Just as we walk into her room, we all slump down on the huge bed.

"I don't like that Chuck guy. I mean, Chuck? What the hell is that for a name?" Kyla hisses.

"Yeah, he is just…ugh. I don't like him either," Chris immediately joins in.

"I think he is hot." Yeah, that was Angel, of course. We all glare at her.

"What? He so is. If he wasn't so old I would go for him."

We frown, but say nothing. "I'm hungry," Chris proclaims after a while of silence.

"Me too," I add, already feeling my empty stomach.

"Yeah, okay, we should have something in the kitchen."

I immediately get up along with Kyla and we both glance down at these two, still lying motionless. "Umm…can you guys go, maybe, without us?"

We sigh, leaving them in Kyla's room while we head downstairs again, hoping we won't catch Ashley and hot guy doing…something.

At least I really hope so.

And it looks like we are lucky, because we only find Ashley sitting in the kitchen, eating cereal. Cereal? At this time?

She strangely looks at me as we walk into the kitchen, not saying a word. She is still staring at me as Kyla opens the fridge and I lean against the wall, waiting for her. When I still feel Ashley's eyes on me, I finally manage to look back at her and just when our eyes finally meet, she immediately glances away. I frown, tearing my eyes away as well.

"Here," Kyla hands me some food and I grab it, ready for leaving, but Kyla stops me, when she speaks.

"Can you tell me now who that guy was?" she glares at Ashley, waiting for the answer.

She looks at her, confused. "I told you already."

Kyla snorts, irritated. "Yeah, sure."

"It's true."

"So you're now dating him or something?"

Say no, please. Say no.

"I'm not."

Thank you.

"Will you?"

This time it's Ashley who frowns. "Would you please stop asking all these questions?"

"So will you?" Haha, it looks like Kyla won't give up so easily.

Ashley glares at her. "I don't know." Okay, that wasn't a reply I wanted to hear.

Then all of a sudden, Kyla turns around and leaves, indicating for me to follow her. I look at Ashley for the last time; she is still staring at us. I then obediently follow Kyla upstairs.


	7. Chapter 7

**7.**

"Hey. Nice to see you here again." I hear Aiden's voice while I'm on my way to my office.

I turn around my head with a small smile. "Nice to see you too, Aiden." I don't stop to talk to him, though. Instead I keep going toward my office, knowing he is right behind me. I stop in front of my assistant; he is turned around, apparently on another "important" call again.

"Yeah…no…I said no…okay…" I loudly clear my throat, letting him know I'm there and he turns around in his seat. He immediately stops talking and the telephone receiver almost falls from his hand as he stares at me in complete shock.

Well, what can I say; I look hot in my new pretty short jean skirt and a white tank top. Yep, I'm a hot chick now.

"I…uh…wow," is all he can stutter.

I give him a wide smile. "Thanks. Messages?"

He finally comes back to reality as he quickly searches for the papers and hands me them. "Here."

I grab them from his hands and walk into my office, closing the door after me. Not for too long.

"Damn it, Spencer, you look hot."

See, I told you, Aiden is following me everywhere.

I take a seat along with him, read the messages and give him a fleeting look. "Thanks."

"No, seriously, if I didn't know you…"

I look at him, with a flirty grin on my face. "You'd what?"

I see his green eyes traveling along my body. At least along what he can see, since I'm sitting at my desk. Maybe I should feel uncomfortable, but instead I finally feel wanted and that makes me feel good.

"I'd go for you immediately," he smirks at me.

Very good.

I chuckle. "Well, thanks. But since we've known each other since childhood and you're my brother's best friend, I guess we don't have a chance."

This time it's my turn to smirk at him as his face falls. "Right. Anyway, what are you doing here? I thought you have to go to school every day," he quickly changes the subject.

"I took a day off, cause I have to work in my office too."

And you didn't want to see Ashley.

"So how are you getting on with your article?"

I give him a quick glance. "Well, it's good, I think. I mean, I already found friends, which is cool."

He grins. "Yeah, that's cool. I'm sure my dad will be satisfied with your job."

"I hope so."

----

After work, Madison, Chelsea and I decided to go to our favorite café for a cup of coffee. We're sitting at our favorite table, talking and laughing about everything.

"What did you tell the school?" Chelsea asks, sipping her coffee.

I chuckle. "Well, I forced Glen to call and say that I don't feel well."

"By the way, how is he? I haven't seen him for a long time," Madison asks curiously, her big eyes fixed on me.

"He is good. Although he's mad at me, because I don't want to give him back his car. I don't know, I just fell in love with that car somehow," I giggle, sipping from my coffee as well.

"And what about your new friends? Tell us something about them," Chelsea proclaims, smiling at me.

I return the smile. "Well, they're really nice. Kyla is really cool, she is like the most sarcastic person I know. Well, except me, of course," I add. "Chris is a big horny pig. He is cute and nice, though. I thought he was a basketball player, but he told me he doesn't want to have anything with sports. Not his thing," I grin. "And Angel is even hornier than Chris. Although she is a girl. And a bisexual. Or like she said, 'not into labels.'"

My face saddens a little. "And then there's Ashley."

I see them sit up. "Who's Ashley?"

"Ashley is…well, she's Kyla's sister. And my English teacher." I'm playing with my cup of coffee now. I somehow lost my appetite for coffee.

"A teacher? How old is she?" Madison asks.

"25."

I see a concerned look on Chelsea's face. "Are you okay, Spence?"

"What? Yes, I am. Why?"

She's still staring at me. "I don't know. You look…sad."

I try my best to give them a fake smile. "I'm fine. Really."

At least I can pretend to be, right?

Or I could pretend until a certain person didn't show up in the doorway.

"Oh no!" I squeal, squirming in my seat, hiding my face behind my hand.

"What?" they ask, following my stare.

"Ashley," I whisper.

"What? Where?"

"See that hot brunette in jeans with the hot blonde guy?" They nod.

"That's Ashley."

"Who's that boy?" Madison asks, curiously.

"Her old friend from high school," I whisper with disgust.

I see them take a seat near us and watch Ashley glancing around. I quickly hide myself behind my hand again, but it's too late. She saw me, because I see her say something to the hot guy and then she stands up, walking toward us.

This won't end up good.

The next thing I know is Ashley standing above me, giving me a small smile.

"Hey."

"Hey," I reply, trying to sound surprised.

"I didn't see you at school today," she says, still smiling at me.

"Yeah, well, I didn't feel well," I hear a coughs coming from my friends. "Ashley, these are my friends, Madison and Chelsea," I finally introduce them. "And this," I point at Ashley, "is Ashley, my English teacher."

They exchange smiles. "Nice to meet you, guys. Are you going to King High too?" Ashley asks innocently and they give amused chuckles. I immediately kick them under the table.

Madison clears her throat. "Umm…no. We already graduated, actually."

Ashley seems surprised. "Oh." Then she looks at the hot guy. "Well, okay, it was nice to meeting you guys. See you at school, Spencer." With those words, she returns to the hot guy.

"Oh my God, she's really hot," Madison proclaims just after she left.

I frown. "So? I have to go to the bathroom." I quickly stand up and, not waiting for their answers, head towards the restrooms.

I close the door behind me, glad there's no one inside, and walk toward the sink, placing my hands on it and looking in the mirror in front of me.

Why am I so jealous? It's not like she's my girlfriend. She is not. She will never be. Why? Because she is my teacher and she has no idea I'm not a teenager anymore. And I really don't think she would want to have something with a student. That's not even legal! Plus, she is totally straight. Which I thought I was too. Wrong. If I were straight, I wouldn't want to kiss her so badly. Oh, don't forget that I've never kissed anyone. So even if I kissed her, it would be probably horrible. What if I am a horrible kisser? I bet I am. I've never kissed anyone, so how can I know? Oh God, I'm 25 and I have never kissed anyone. How sad am I?

I'm so immersed in my own thoughts that I don't hear the door quietly open when someone walks in. Just when I feel the person standing behind my back, I lift my head up and I see Ashley in the mirror staring right at me. Our eyes meet in the mirror and neither of us moves. I don't know what it is about her, but I'm not able to make a move, I just keep staring her in the eyes. When I see her not moving either, I break the contact and very slowly turn around, preparing myself for what comes next.

And honestly, I have no idea what comes next.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Geez, thanks for the compliments, people. I don't even deserve them. But I'm glad you all like this story, so I decided that I don't want you to wait too long._

_So here is the next update._

_Enjoy and leave me love._

**8.**

I slowly turn around to face the most breathtaking woman in the world and we still don't say a word. We just continue staring at each other and I already feel myself lost in her incredibly dark eyes. Did I say I'm a sucker for dark eyes? Because I for sure am. Especially when the owner of these eyes is the most beautiful girl I've ever met.

"Hey." Finally she says something.

"Hey." Oh look, I'm able to say something too. Such a brave girl.

"Umm…your friends seem really nice." She smiles nervously.

I squirm a little. "Yeah, they are."

Can I leave now?

"I really missed you at school today."

Stop it, please.

"Yeah, well…I really didn't feel very well." Oh look at me again, how good a liar I am.

"I hope you're feeling better now." I spot a concerned look on her face.

"Yeah, I'm better. Thanks."

Seriously, can I leave now?

She smiles again. "You're welcome."

"I saw you're with the ho…uh…Chuck." Man, I totally forgot the hot guy has a name.

Suddenly her smile fades. "Uh…yes, he asked me out."

Oh come on, do you really think I want to hear that?

I fake a smile. "Cool."

She's staring at me with those dark eyes and they really make me nervous. What's up with this girl? Does she enjoy this or something?

"I better go, my friends are waiting for me," I finally manage to say, taking a step forward.

I see her duck her head down; she seems to be thinking about something, but I don't wait. Instead, I take more steps and try to pass by her and just as I'm about to grab the handle, I feel a small hand grasping my own. My eyes glance at our linked hands and when I see she isn't going to let go, I look at her, confused, and spot her eyes, darker than usual and staring straight at me. She slowly pulls me back, not tearing her eyes from mine and I already feel my heart beating faster than before. The next thing I know, I'm standing in front of her, her hand still holding mine, and I really hope she can't hear my beating heart. I watch her other hand lift up and her fingers gently trace my face, leaving me breathless. When she touches my eyes, I immediately close them, wanting her fingers to continue. I feel them tracing their way along my nose, my chin, my neck and finally, my lips. I quickly open my eyes in shock, even though I expected this, and see hers still staring at me, watching me. I watch her break the eye contact, moving her eyes where her fingers still linger. She's tracing them and then she lets go of my hand just to cup my face with it. I lean into her touch, enjoying the softness of her hands on my face. Then, all of a sudden, she removes her hands and pulls away in a quick movement.

"I…I'm sorry," she whispers, turns around, and leaves me there standing all flushed and frustrated.

What the hell was that?

----

I don't see her as I finally manage to leave the restroom. I guess she left in a hurry because she didn't want to see me after what happened.

And what the hell happened?

I thought she was going to kiss me. Hell, I thought I was going have my first kiss finally. And she freaked out. Why the hell did she freak out? Was it because I'm a student and she's a teacher? Probably, 'cause that's not legal. But God, I'm 25! So it is legal. What if I told her the truth? Would she be pissed? Gah, but I can't tell her the truth, my boss would kill me. Why does life have to be so complicated?

----

After I come home, I decide to call the only person I can say anything to.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey, bro. Do you have a minute for me?" I ask nervously.

"_Yeah, sure. What's wrong, Spencer_?" I hear a concerned tone in his voice. He always knows when I'm not alright.

"I don't want to talk about it over the phone. Can I come over?"

"_You know what? I'll come over. I'll be there in a min."_ With those words, he hangs up.

And he was right. It didn't take him even 10 minutes and here he is now, sitting next to me on my couch.

"So, are you gonna tell me now what's wrong with you?" he asks, his voice full of sympathy.

I squirm in my place. "I…uh…don't know where to start."

He gives me a supporting smile. "At the beginning."

Easy to say…

I take a deep breath. "There's a girl…"

I see him raise his eyebrow, letting me know I can continue. But he doesn't seem to be surprised. Why isn't he surprised?

"I…uh…you know, _a girl_ girl."

"Yeah?"

"Glen, do you know what I'm talking about?"

He chuckles. "About a girl?"

I frown, already frustrated. "Yes, but do you know what I mean by it?"

He gives me an amused smile. "I do."

"Really?" I ask, shocked.

He laughs again. "God Spencer, I'm your brother. You really think I didn't know you like girls?"

Okay, now I'm really shocked.

"B…but…how?"

He's staring at me, highly amused. "I've never heard you talking about boys."

I frown. "So? That means I'm gay?"

"You always played with boys when you were little. I've never seen you playing with girls."

"Because girls were boring!" I exclaimed, trying to defend myself.

He leaves a small chuckle again. "Yeah, right. You collected pictures of every pretty singer and actress."

"I liked their work," I snarl.

What? It's true!

"You used to rip off Ken's head when you were little."

God, can he stop now?

"It's not my fault that the motherfucker cheated on Barbie," I growl and hope he finally stops.

"I caught you with your Malibu Barbie making out with Cheer Barbie!"

Okay, I think I don't have an explanation for this.

He burst out laughing. "See, I so knew it."

"So why didn't you say anything?"

He finally stops laughing and gets more serious. "I don't know. I think I wanted you to realize it by yourself."

I frown at him.

"What? You've realized it, right?" I nod. "So, where's the problem?" He smirks at me.

"The problem is a girl named Ashley."

I notice a curious look on his face, so I continue. "She's my English teacher."

"Ohhh," he cut me off, "a teacher? God Spence, why the teacher?"

I sigh, squirming a little. "I don't know. It's not like I planned it or something. It just happened."

"Is she gay?"

"I don't know. She went out with this hot guy twice," I pause, "but…"

"But what?"

I look him in the eye. "Something happened."

"What?"

I start nervously playing with my fingers. "Uh…today…I was in a café with Madison and Chelsea and she was there. We talked a little and then I went to the restroom." I stop, remembering everything from that moment.

"She went in after me. And then…"

"Then what?" He asks curiously.

"I…uh…I wanted to leave, but she grabbed my hand to stop me. She…she was touching me on my face and when I thought she was going kiss me, she freaked out and left me there," I say with a frown.

"Well, I can understand why," he says, and I glare at him.

"Why?"

"Spencer, come on, don't be stupid. She thinks you're 17 and her student. That's not legal. She could get arrested."

"But I'm not 17!" I exclaims.

"But she doesn't know that."

That's right.

"So what I should do now? I can't tell her the truth."

He scratches his blond head. "I don't know, Spence. Let it be and you'll see what happens."

Let it be? That's easy to say. Not so easy to do.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Thankssss guys. I'm really thankful for all the feedbacks. So keep them going and you'll make me happy :)_

_I really hope you'll enjoy this one. Let me know, mkay?_

**9.**

Another English lesson. Another lesson full of wise words about Shakespeare. And another lesson full of strange looks between Ashley and I. But this time it's different. We haven't spoken a word since that day and today is the fourth day. I think I just listened to Glen's advice and I'm not going try to force our relationship. Well, even though there isn't any relationship between us. From what I heard from Kyla, Ashley is dating the hot guy now. Great. She can do whatever she wants, I don't care.

Okay, I'm lying. We all know I do care. I do fucking care and all I want is to kill that stupid hot guy, so Ashley can be mine. I just feel desperate without her even talking to me. She ignores me when I'm at her place with my friends and she even ignores me at school.

Though, I still feel her stare on me when she thinks I'm not looking. Or when I'm reading from the book. She thinks I don't see her staring. To tell the truth, I don't. But I still can feel her eyes on me, those chocolate eyes traveling along my body when she thinks nobody is looking.

"Spencer, can you read your homework?" I lift up my head and glance at her. She's looking at me with this strange look in her eyes, her head tilted on the side.

I sigh, not really wanting to read something and stand up, grabbing my paper from the desk.

"Rosalind, in disguise, is best able to see through the disguises of others. To say to Phebe, "Mistress, know thy self," to look at love from every angle, and to realize, finally, that she is in love with Orlando--"

The bell rings. Thank God.

I quickly grab my things and wave at Kyla, letting her know that we can go, when Ashley's voice stops me.

"Spencer, can I talk to you for a second?"

Oh no.

I give Kyla a sign I'll catch her later and slowly walk towards Ashley's desk, not even looking her in the eye. She waits until everyone leaves and then she turns to me.

"Spencer, are you okay? You're acting strange lately."

Are you fucking kidding me?

My head shoot up in a quick movement as I stare at her in disbelief. "Are you serious?"

She stirs a little, leaning against her desk. "Look, about that thing in the restroom…I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

"So why did you?"

She sighs heavily. "I don't know. I just…Fuck, I don't know. What do you want me to say?" She starts walking around the class.

"That I've dreamt about you every single day since the day I first saw you talking to Kyla? That I've never felt that spark of electricity with anyone the day our hands touched? That I've never felt _this_ with anyone? That the only thing I want right now is to be 17 again?" She stops walking and looks at me. "I can't do this," she whispers desperately.

I slowly start walking toward her, stopping in front of her. "Do what?"

She frowns. "This," she gently touches my face. "I can't touch you like this. I can't talk to you like this. I can't…" she's tracing my lips now, "dream of you like this," I see her very slowly lean in, "I can't kiss you like this," she whispers and I slowly close my eyes, expecting her lips on mine. But when I still don't feel anything, I open them and see her not so close to me anymore. "I'm sorry, I can't," she whispers sadly. "It's not right."

God damnit, she left me flushed and frustrated again!

"Why not?" I ask, already feeling desperate.

"Because you're 17 and I'm 25," she sadly looks at me, "I'm your teacher, Spencer. This is not Loving Annabelle, this is real life."

What? Everyone saw that movie?

"But I'm not--"

I stop myself before it's too late. Shit, I almost told her the truth.

"You aren't what?"

"Nothing. Forget it," I grab my bag from the floor and walk out of the class, not looking at her again.

This time it's me who leaves first.

---

"What did she want?" Kyla asks after I catch them outside, sitting at our table and talking about some movie.

"Umm…nothing important, just something about my homework." Yep, another lie. Bad, bad Spencer.

"God, she can't leave you alone even after English?" she exclaims in disbelief while Angel and Chris nod approvingly.

"Whatever," I mumble and change the subject before the discussion gets deeper. "So, what are we talking about?" I pretend to be interested.

"Oh, have you seen Imagine Me and You yet?"

----

Guess where I am. Yep, you're right, at Kyla's again. It looks like I spend my whole life there or something. But I swear, I didn't want to come. However, when I told them I haven't seen that movie yet, they were all like, "You have to see it" because blah blah blah. So what else could I do? Actually, I had no choice when Kyla told me I had to go. I mean, have you seen her face when she's all excited? Trust me, you couldn't say 'no' to her either.

So here I am, sitting in the Davies living room, watching Imagine Me and You. It's not that bad, though. Actually, it's really a good movie. Unfortunately, I'm not paying attention much. Instead I give all my attention to a certain person sitting right next to me on the couch. Yep, you're right again, she decided to watch the movie with us. Which wouldn't be that bad, but she decided to sit right next to me. And that _is bad._ Very bad, since our shoulders are touching all the time and it's killing me. Literally. Is she happy when she can torture me? Apparently yes. She's for sure enjoying this. Enjoying knowing she can make me all flushed, hot and frustrated just from the touch of her shoulder. Her tan, soft shoulder.

I desperately squirm in my seat. Oh God, shoot me please. I can't stand this torture anymore. I'm not that strong.

I stand up of the couch, watching confused looks on my friends' faces. "I…uh…I need water. Yeah, water," I mumble, rushing into the kitchen.

I pull out the glass and fill it with water. Just when I'm about to drink it, I hear the door open.

Jesus Christ, please, don't let it be her. Not _her_.

I slowly turn around, silently praying not see _her_, when my blue eyes are meet with a pair of brown ones belonging to…guess who?

Is she doing this on purpose?

"Are you okay?" She asks, her voice full of concern.

Oh please, like you really care.

I grab my glass with water and drink it in one movement, glaring at her through the glass.

"I'm fine," I reply after the glass is empty.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep," I answer, maybe with too much enthusiasm.

"Okay." She nods and makes her way towards me. I feel my eyes widen, full of fear at what comes next. Fortunately, nothing comes, because she just pulls out a glass as well and fills it with the water. As she leans against the kitchen table, I spot the exposed skin between her jeans and shirt. I don't realize that I'm staring at her until she glances at me with a smirk on her face. I quickly tear my eyes away, clearing my throat.

"Uh…yeah…umm…" What the hell am I trying to say?

She's staring at me, apparently highly amused at my stuttering and I already feel myself blushing. I watch her as she slowly places the glass on the table, not tearing her eyes off me and I still watch her as she makes a couple of steps toward me.

Oh no, don't do this.

She stops moving just a few inches from me and she's standing so close to me now that I can feel her breath on my face. She painfully slowly leans in and whispers into my ear, "Do I make you nervous?"

Oh my God, she's touching my ear with her lips! My _very_ sensitive ear.

I try to say something, but all I can do is moan. Seriously, this is torture. Can't she be arrested for that or something?

I feel her soft lips still touching my earlobe and I close my eyes, enjoying this feeling. I clench them tightly when I feel her wet tongue touches the place where her lips were before. I want to say something again, but instead, I let out a deep moan.

Oh God, don't stop.

"Fuck, I want you," she growls with a husky voice into my ear.

Uh, do you feel that strange feeling between my legs too?

I frown when I feel her body no longer close to mine and see her pull away from me completely.

"Are you enjoying this?" I hiss, desperately trying to stay standing, since my legs are somehow very weak now.

I see a sad smile flash across her face. "Not really," she says and just then, the door opens and Kyla enters.

"Are you guys coming? Or you'll miss the best scenes," she asks innocently, glancing from me to Ashley. I just hope she doesn't notice how horny I am after what Ashley did to me.

"Yeah, we're coming," Ashley replies and smiles at her sister. Kyla leaves with a nod, closing the door behind her.

Ashley looks at me, grabs her glass of water, and before she leaves after Kyla, she leans in again and whispers, "But I hope you're enjoying it."

Oh trust me, you have no idea.


	10. Chapter 10

_**dttdemon:**__I love Imagine and You as well, it's a great movie._

_**Micropuff:**__Your English is good. It's not my first language either, so no problem. And yeah, longer chapters. Well, I'll try, but this one is really short and I'm sorry for that. I promise the next one will be longer. And Spashley._

_**Raerly, 2bz2breading: **__Oh come on, people, it's just a fanfiction. Haven't you seen Loving Annabelle:p Simone was so much older than Ashley and it was okay. I mean, I know it's a little strange, but I have a lot of friends who have older boyfriends/girlfriends. Much older. I think it's not a big deal. And since Spencer isn't really younger than Ashley…I wouldn't write it if she really was only 17. _

_**humorabsurdo:**__I don't want to torture you, haha. But you have to wait a little :p_

_**suspenceme:**__ Lol, seriously. You want me to skip it:D_

_**Satan-Herself:**__ Well, Madison is full of surprises :D_

_**Spashley89:**__Thanks. I try :) Well, I guess you won't like this chapter then, but I hope you will like it at least a little._

_**arieskies**__: OMG, I'm sorry for killing you. I'm not doing it on purpose, I swear, lol. _

_Mkay, guys, thanks for ALL your comments, I love every single one. So keep them going and I'll be happy. _

_I'm sorry that this chapter is so short, but the next one will be longer, I promise. And Spashley. Umm…yeah, Brian is played by __Shemar Moore._

_Enjoy._

**10.**

Guess where I am now? Nope, you're wrong this time, I'm not at the Davies'. I'm at Aiden's. Wouldn't you like to know what am I doing here? Well, it's Aiden's birthday party. And Aiden's birthday party means a lot of people drinking, dancing and fooling around. You know, after that thing in the restroom…in the classroom…and finally in the kitchen, I decide to forget about Ashley. Actually, I don't need her at all. I'm fine without her. Really. I just need a drink right now. Even though I already had four. Or five? Whatever.

"Girl, don't you think you had enough already?" I'm trying to focus on the voice that is talking to me and finally spot Madison, sitting on Aiden's couch next to me. 

"Nope, I'm fine," I reply and give her a wide smile.

"Are you sure? You already had five drinks."

I glare at her with drunken eyes. "So? I want to have funnn!" I exclaim enthusiastically.

Having fun means finally getting laid. I don't want to wait till Miss Davies finally decides to make the next move. You know, I'm already 25, I don't have much time. If I waited for her, I wouldn't have sex till I'm 40. And I for sure don't want to be the 40-year-old virgin. Not at all.

So I need to find someone tonight. Someone, anyone. A boy, girl, whatever. 

"Hey ladiesss." I notice a completely drunk Aiden rushing towards us. 

Okay, maybe not anyone. 

"Hey, Aid. Happy birthday again," Madison says, smiling at him. Soberly. At least someone is sober tonight.

He slumps down between us and places his strong arms around our shoulders. "Pshhh, don't tell me about it, I'm olddd!" he squeals. 

"You're not. 27 isn't that old."

She frowns at her. "Are you fucking kidding me? I feel like an old man, dude." He turns to me and drunkenly smiles, "So, Spencer, are you enjoying the party?"

I give him the same smile. "Yep."

"Cool." He notices someone waving at him. "Okay, ladies, I gotta go. If you need something, anything," he smirks seductively at us, "just let me know." With those words, he leaves us.

I glance around, trying to find my brother somewhere, but when I can't find him, I frown and stop trying. I mean, I don't need him, right? I'm at Aiden's party, and I can have fun. Right? 

God, I need a boy. Or a girl. Whateverrrr.

In a moment, I spot a hot boy walking towards me, giving me this sexy look. At least he tries to be sexy. "Hey, girls," he greets us, smiling at us.

"Heyyy," I greet him back, giving him my best sexy smile. Or, at least I try to be sexy. 

"I'm Brian. Wanna dance?" he asks and holds out his big, manly hand. I glance at Madison, who immediately shakes her head, letting me know she's not interested. 

Well, if she's not interested, I for sure am. I mean, look at him. If you can define the word "sexy", it's definitely connected with him. You can just look at his muscular body behind that weird yellow sweater, or at his dark manly face behind his stubble. I swear, if I weren't gay, I would totally like him. But tonight he's enough, even though he's a boy. Tonight I'm drunk and I want to have sex. And I don't care who it's with.

I give him a seductive smile, grab his hand and let him lead me to the dance floor. Or to the middle of Aiden's living room. Whatever. He doesn't wait for anything as he immediately pulls me into his arms and we start to moving in the rhythm of music. My favorite song by OneRepublic, Apologize, is playing. I really hate how everybody says it's by Timbaland. Because, seriously, all he does in that song is this strange "ee". That song is by OneRepublic and I totally love it. 

Our bodies are slowly dancing so close to each other that I can hardly breathe, but I still can smell his manly scent. And he really smells good. Not as good as Ashley does, 'cause really, nobody smells as good as she does. Fuck, I'm thinking about her again. Stop it, Spencer! Stop thinking about someone you just can't have! It's not healthy. 

Suddenly, I feel him move one of his legs between mine. Wait, what is he doing? But it feels good. Really good. Oh God, incredibly good. I lift up my head to look at him and I see his head slowly lean down. I instinctively close my eyes, expecting his lips on mine, when a shocked voice interrupts us.

"Spencer!"


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Thank you very much for feedback. I love them all. For real. I would do some FOF, but I'm too tired, so forgive me. _

_I hope you won't be disappointed._

_Enjoy._

**11.**

God damnit, why does someone always have to interrupt the kiss!

Wait a minute.

I know that voice.

I know that voice very well.

I pull away from Brian or whatever his name is as fast as I can, since I'm highly drunk, and turn around to spot who else than the person who, at least it seems like it, follows me everywhere.

What the hell is she doing here?

"What are you doing here?" We both ask each other at the same time.

"I'm here with Chuck." Oh, the hot guy. "He is friends with Aiden." Are you kidding me?

She glares at me. "And what are_ you_ doing here?"

Now be smart.

"Well…I…uh…"

"She's here with me. I'm Aiden's best friend and her big brother."

Yep, my brother, my hero.

She glances at me and I quickly nod at his words. At least I'm not lying this time. 

"Isn't she a little too young for party like this?" She asks, turning her head toward Glen.

Oh pleaaaase, don't try to be the adult now.

"She's also Aiden's friend. I think she deserves to be here as his friend."

Good, good brother.

She nods. "Right." I notice the hot guy waving at her. "I gotta go. See you around," she says, staring at me.

Psh, whatever. Like I need you.

I immediately turn back to _my_ hot guy, putting my hands around his neck, smiling at him drunkenly, when I feel another hand grasping mine, dragging me away from him.

"What? Let me go!" I try to pull away from the hand, but it's too strong. God, I hate when my brother is all protective. I'm not a little girl anymore.

He places me on the couch where I was sitting before and sternly looks in my eyes. 

"Stop being stupid, Spencer."

"What? I'm not stupid, I was just having fun," I slur and try to stand up from the couch. But when I feel the whole room rotate around me, I quickly sit down again. Well, at least I tried.

"Don't you dare drink again," Glen growls. 

Ha! You wish! I'm just starting, baby.

However, I obediently nod my head. "I won't, I promise."

His features soften as he caresses my hair. "Good girl," he says and goes away, leaving me there alone.

"Yup, I'm a good girl," I mutter under my breath and stop the girl walking around me. "Wait. Give it to me," I order and take her the drink from her hands. 

See what a good girl I am?

The best.

---

An hour later I find myself lying across the couch, not registering anything. I think I drank too much this time. 

"Oh my God, Spencer," I hear a voice above me. I manage to open my heavy eyes and spot Madison, sitting next to me. 

"Hey, Mads," I try to say, but all I can do is some growling. 

"How much did you drink?" She asks worriedly and I hold up two fingers. Then three. And four.

"Okay, I got it," she says and glances around to find someone familiar. She probably found someone, because I see her wave at someone and that someone walks towards us. 

"Oh God, what happened to her?"

Well, that's not someone I'd like to see right now.

"She's drunk. I'd take her home, but I drank too. Not as much as her, though."

Don't be funny, Madison. It's not the right time.

"It's okay, I can carry her home. I haven't had anything to drink. Where's her brother?"

"I saw him leave with some girl."

Yep, typical Glen. First, he tries to be very brotherly and then he leaves me here alone and drunk.

"Give me their address and I'll take her home."

Oh, no no no. Don't give her my real address, Madison. 

Fortunately, she isn't that drunk, because she gives her my parents' address. Thanks for your smartness, Maddie. I'll thank you later.

They somehow manage to lift my body from the couch and I lean against them as they make their way out of the house and toward Ashley's car. They lay me down in the back seat and I hear Madison thanking Ashley for her help. Psh, as if she's an angel or something.

She finds my old house easily and I just thank God that my parents aren't home for the weekend. I think I sobered up a little during the ride, because I can sit up without her help. But she tries to help me anyway as she opens the door and leans in to help me. I push her away. "I can make it by myself," I mumble and try to stand up.

Bad idea.

I frown at my own inability to stand and let her take care of me. She stands me up easily and I lean against her as we slowly walk towards the house. She finds the keys in my purse and we enter the hallway with me still leaning against her shoulder. Nice feeling, by the way. If I weren't so drunk, I would enjoy this so much more.

"Where's your room?" She asks sympathetically and I point at upstairs. Haha, I'm not gonna make this easy for you, girl.

After a couple of minutes of effort, she finally manages to get me to my bedroom. I collapse on my bed, pulling her with me, but she immediately stands up and looks at me.

"What?" I ask.

"You need some sleep."

"No, I don't."

"You do."

"I don't," I say again and attempt to prove her that by sitting up. Oh look, I can sit by myself.

"I want a drink."

"You can't have a drink, Spencer. You already had enough, don't you think?" she asks sternly.

I quickly shake my head. "Nope."

"Well, that's a pity, because you won't get a drink anyway."

"Why nottttt?" I squeal, staring at her with my drunken eyes. 

"Because you're drunk," she replies with a heavy sigh.

"Then I want you to sing me something," I proclaim, happily jumping on my bed. Yeah, I'm still sitting, though.

She looks at me in disbelief. "What?"

"You heard me."

She frowns. "I won't sing to you."

"Fine, then I'll sing," I exclaims, excited at my own idea.

And then I start…

Singing.

Literally.

"At first I was afraid, I was petrified, kept thinkin' I could never live without youuu by my side…"

How I love this song.

So I keep singing.

And jumping on my bed. No, I'm not sitting this time.

"Go on now go, walk out the door, just turn around noooww, 'cause you're not welcome anymoreeee…"

Maybe I'm singing a little out of tune, but I really don't care at the moment.

"Oh no not I, I will surviveee, oooh as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay aliveee…"

I glance in Ashley's direction and see her still standing there, apparently very amused by my performance.

"I'll surviveeee, I will survive hey heyyyyy," I'm singing at the top of my lungs.

I jump for the last time before I collapse on the bed again. 

"That was great," I say happily.

When I don't hear her response, I move my head towards her direction and I spot her still standing in the same place with a grin on her face.

"Wasn't that great?" I ask her.

She finally moves towards me and sits next to me. "Yeah, it was perfect," she whispers and I feel myself sober up just from hearing those words. It's not the words, though. It's the way she spoke them.

"I told you," I proclaim with enthusiasm, satisfied with myself.

I glance at her again and notice her features changed. I don't see the amused grin on her face anymore, instead I see her eyes darkened. They're almost black now. Or is that the dark? I see those eyes traveling along my face, stopping at my lips.

"Ashley?" I whisper.

"Mhmm?"

"Will you stay with me tonight?" No, I didn't mean it like that, you perv. I am too drunk for that.

She gives me a small smile. "If you want me to."

I nod. "I do."

Then I see her pulls away from me a little, preparing for leaving my side, but I stop her. "Ashley?"

As I wanted, she stops and looks at me again. "Yeah, Spencer?"

"Will you kiss me?"

She's stunned from my words and after a second, she replies, "If you want me to."

"I do."

I watch her as she slowly leans towards my face, stopping just a few inches away from my lips. When I can feel her breath on my face, I instinctively lick my lips and close my eyes, praying to God that she doesn't pull away this time. And she doesn't. Instead, I feel her breath get closer and closer until I feel a light touch of something soft and wet. It's just a slight touch of our lips, nothing more. But this is my first kiss. This is my first kiss with Ashley and this is my first kiss ever. 

Too bad I won't remember this tomorrow.


	12. Chapter 12

**12.**

I slowly open my eyes and immediately feel a horrible pain inside my head. Oh God, I think I drank too much yesterday. I let out a groan as I try to stand up on the bed. My bed. My old bed. What the hell am I doing in my old bed? And then I feel it… I look down with my eyes wide open and spot a sleeping body right next to me. A female body. Ashley's body.

Oh my God. What happened last night?

I look under the sheets. And why the hell am I just in my underwear? 

I already feel myself panicking, when I feel the sleeping body stirs and she opens her eyes, sleepily staring at me.

"Morning."

"Morning?! Morning?! What the hell are you doing in my bed?!"

"Calm down, Spencer. Nothing happened," she replies softly as she's rubbing her eyes. 

"So why am I in my underwear?" I give her a distrustful look.

"What? I should have let you sleep in your clothes?"

Right.

"Yeah, okay," I say, calmer a little. "So what happened last night?"

She sits up too and surprised looks at me. "You don't remember?"

"No…?"

I hear her let out a disappointed sigh. "Nothing happened. You were drunk, so I took you home. That's all."

Why do I have the feeling that that's not all?

"Are you sure?"

She grins. "Well…"

"Oh God, what did I do?" I ask her desperately.

"You were singing."

Shoot me. Now.

I ashamedly hide myself under the sheets, squealing, "Kill me, please." 

I hear her giggle. "I won't. I like you." When I hear those words, I shyly peek out. 

"You do?" 

She smiles. "I do."

"That's good, 'cause I like you too. Not that much, though," I reply with a sly smirk and watch her as she grabs the pillow and throws it at me. 

"Ass." Oh, don't pretend to be hurt. Then her voice gets more serious. "Are you aware that I shouldn't be spending time with you?"

I give her my best smile. "Yep. But I'm special." 

I mean it like a joke, but when she whispers, "Yes, you are," it's not so funny anymore. We both stay silent, just staring at each other.

Then she breaks the eye contact and clears her throat. "I…uh…yeah, I should go. Kyla is already waiting for me, so…" She stands up off the bed as she's speaking, grabbing her clothes. Before she walks out of the door, she turns to me for the last time. "See you at school." Then she leaves, shutting the doors behind her.

I should get used to this.

xxxxxxx 

"Oh my God, Spence, are you okay?"

Just when I leave my old house and finally get home, the bell rings and Madison is standing outside, looking pretty worried. Well, I can understand why, since I'm still in my Pj's and I probably look horrible with those big shadows under my eyes and messy hair. 

Or more than horrible. And Ashley has seen me like that. Ugh.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I growl as I leave the door open for her to come in and return to my warm bed, putting my sheets to my neck. 

"Yeah, I see," she says as she sits down next to me. "You look pretty terrible, girl."

"No, really?" I snap back while I'm giving her my best deadly look. 

"Look, I'm sorry I left you with Ashley. But she was the only sober one, so what should I have done? Leave you there alone at Aiden's house?"

I glare at her. "No, you should have taken me home. That's what you should have done, Madison."

She sighs and lies down next to me. "I said I'm sorry, Spence. But I was drunk." She makes puppy eyes at me. "Are you still mad?"

Oh no, don't do those eyes, don't do them!

Gah, she's still doing them!

"Are you?" I know this baby voice. Ha, but I won't give up that easily this time! 

"I'm not."

What? That wasn't easy.

"Yay." She gives me a peck on the cheek and grabs my hand. "You know I love you, Spence. And I swear I won't do that again."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

I nod my head and just now spot the bag lying next to my bed. "What's that?

"Oh," she quickly climbs of the bed and places the bag in my lap, "I thought we could watch a movie. What do you think?"

"Yeah, sure. What movie?" I ask curiously even though I already have my hands stuck in her bag.

She blushes. "Umm…you know some movies I found. They seem to be interesting--"

"Madison?" I cut her off.

"Yeah?"

"What is DEBS?"

xxxxxx 

"Okay, guys. I have a new assignment for you," Ashley says and the whole class lets out a groan.

By the way, it's Monday, another day on the Hellmouth, as Kyla calls it.

"What? I'm sure you all will like it," she says with real enthusiasm and gives us a wink. "I want all of you to write me something."

What?

Some girl raises her hand. "What do you mean by something?"

Ashley smiles and her nose crinkles. How cute is that?

"Something means anything. I don't care what you write. It can be a poem, true story, fairytale, anything. I just want you to be creative and original. I don't want you to download something from the internet. If I'll find out you downloaded it, I'd be mad. Understand?" she finishes.

The class nods. Even though Ashley is nice and friendly, I can see they have respect for her. I wonder how she got it. Maybe thanks to her hotness? No? Okay, I was just wondering, geez.

The bell rings and I'm ready to follow Kyla when I hear my name. Again. Does she like calling my name after every class? I glance at Kyla and she just nods, already knowing I'll catch them later.

"You know, if you don't want everyone else to know about us, you shouldn't call me after almost every class," I smirk at her when we're alone.

She gives me a deadly glare. You know, like that one I used on Madison, only the difference is that Ashley's look is _really_ deadly. "I just wanted to know if you're okay."

"Yep, I am. My head still hurts, though. But I'm better now."

Well, who wouldn't be after lesbian movies marathon? Yeah, Madison forced me to watch almost every lesbian movie on DVD with her yesterday. Not that I complained. I swear to God, if I didn't know her I would think she's gay. But since I know her…

"So, you really don't remember that night?" she asks with this serious look on her face.

"Well, I do remember some things. Like I danced with the hottest guy I've ever met and then you came and ruined everything," I frown. "Then you left with your Hot--", cough, "I mean Chuck, and Glen forbade me to drink. And that's the last thing I remember," I reply, satisfied with myself how much I actually remember.

"Oh." I watch her look change from serious to disappointed. Why the hell is she disappointed?

Hold on a second.

"Ashley, what happened after you took me home?" I look at her and then see her eyes fixed on me.

"I told you. You were singing."

"And…?"

"And nothing."

"You're lying," I frown. Her features change again and she looks like she's been caught doing something wrong.

"I'm not."

"God, Ashley, come on. What happened the other night?"

"You kissed me."


	13. Chapter 13

_Sexyluv07: I'm glad you like it. And yeah, I'm Buffy fan, of course :)_

_sportygurl648: Nope, Madison doesn't know. Yet._

_colorofwater: Yeah, maybe it was harsh, but Spencer really did want that boy. She was drunk, remember?_

_doubleclique: Course you love me. Everybody does :D j/k_

_Thanks for all feedback, guys. Enjoy and let me know._

**13.**

"You kissed me."

Excuse me?

"Huh?"

She looks at the floor and apparently finds it very interesting, since she doesn't look at me. Damn it, look at me, woman!

"You heard. You kissed me," she murmurs nervously.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Oh my fucking God!

No, no, no. Tell me I didn't do it. Tell me I didn't kiss her when I was drunk. Tell me she's lying.

"I didn't…I mean…I couldn't…fuck."

She finally looks at me and seems to be pretty scared. "Calm down, Spencer. It was nothing. Just a kiss."

"Just a kiss?! Just a kiss?! Fuck, you're my teacher! And Kyla's sister! And…and you have a boyfriend!" I scream.

I see her eyes grow wide and I think she only now realized what really happened. "Spence, please, be quiet. I don't want anyone to hear us." She looks even more scared than before. "I know I'm your teacher, damn it." She starts walking around the room. "Do you think this is fun for me? Because it's not. I know we can't do this. Whatever it is, it's not right." She turns to me, staring me straight in the eyes. "Do you realize what kind of problems I could have?"

I nod my head. "Do you think I'm stupid?"

She quickly shakes her head and comes closer to me, still staring at me. "No, I don't. It's just…" she's now so close that I can feel her breath on me, "This is not legal, Spence," she says softly.

I swallow hard as I see those dark eyes staring at me so intensively. "I…I know. Uh…we can't…I mean, we shouldn't."

I watch as she moves her hand to tuck my hair behind my ear and then she whispers, "We have to stop. Now."

Noooo.

I don't say anything, instead I pull away from her, grabbing my bag and before I leave, I turn to her for the last time. "Maybe you're right." And then I walk out of the door, leaving dumbfounded Ashley behind me.

xxxxx

I can't believe it. I can't believe I kissed her. What the fuck was I thinking? Okay, I was drunk, so I wasn't probably thinking at all, but…What the fuck?! I mean, okay, I was dying to kiss her and do…other things…since the first day I met her, but I didn't want it like this. Not when I'm drunk, because guess what? I don't remember ONE thing! I don't remember my first kiss. How screwed up is that?

Plus she's still my teacher. It doesn't matter that I'm 25, so it is legal, but God, she's my teacher! What the hell was I thinking?! When did I decide that she was gonna be mine?! It was the worse idea ever. Seriously. If I told her the truth, she wouldn't say a word to me anymore. And my boss would fire me. Okay, he wouldn't, since I'm his sweetheart, but you know what I mean. I can't tell the truth.

So I decide to not talk to her outside the school. At all. I don't talk to her when we're at her place and she stops calling my name after every English. We don't talk, we don't look at each other. Absolutely nothing. Do you want to known if I'm happy? No. Satisfied? No. Actually, I'm pretty down lately. I miss our intense stares; I miss her touching my face. She doesn't seem to miss me as well, though. She spends all the time with the hot guy now. And she seems to be happy now. With him. Not with me. Maybe it's supposed to be this way, maybe we're just not mean to be.

Right?

xxxxx

It's Friday and I decide to go to work instead of school again, because I'm sick and tired of seeing her every single day. It doesn't make me happy, you know?

So here I am, sitting in my office and staring at the empty wall in front of me. As I said, I'm pretty down lately and I'm not into mood for anything. A soft knock on my door interrupts me from my thoughts. "Come in."

Madison is who opens the door and softly closes them before she sits in front of me. "What's wrong, Spence?"

I blankly glance at her. "Nothing."

"Yeah, sure. Seriously, you're being weird these last few days."

"I can't do this," I spit out before I can stop myself.

"You can't what?" she asks, confused, and I look down at her, my eyes sad and heavy. "This. I don't want to be undercover anymore. I want it to end."

"What? Why?"

"Because I'm not that strong," I murmur, trying to hold back the tears as I feel her soft hand on mine.

"What do you mean, Spence? If anyone can do this, it's you."

"No, you don't understand," I say, and remove my hand from hers.

I hear her let out a sigh. "But I want to understand. Spencer, I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything."

I look at her incredulously. "Really?"

"Really."

"I'm gay," I whisper and immediately want it to take back.

"What?"

"You heard me. I'm gay and I think I'm in love," I say, knowing I can't take this back.

"Wohoo. Uh…wow…I mean…I thought I would be the gay one," she laughs. "You know, thanks to my obsession with gay movies."

I laugh along with her. "Yeah, right. If I didn't know you, I so would think you were gay."

"Too bad I like men so much," she smirks.

"So, you're okay with it?" I ask shyly and watch the smile forming on her face.

"Course I am."

"Cool," I smile with her.

"So, tell me about her." She winks and I begin my story.

After I tell her my whole story about my undying love for Ashley, I notice this strange grin on her tan face and I distrustfully glare at her.

"Madison…" I start with a warning, but she cuts me off.

"I've got a plan!" she squeals happily, and claps her hands.

"No." I cross my arms, resolutely shaking my head.

"What? I didn't say anything yet!"

"Whatever. I don't like your plans." I give her my best "no" look and hope she'll understand.

Wrong.

"What? You love my plans. Everybody does."

She really believes that? I look at her in disbelief and see her absentminded, dreamy expression.

Apparently she does.

"Maddie…" I start kindly, and she finally notices me, looking at me with expecting dark eyes. "No offense, but…uh…your plans are…umm…not good…" I say quietly, avoiding eye contact.

"What? Of course they are. They're perfect," she frowns. "Now, shut up and listen to me," she orders and I don't have any other option than to sit and listen.

Oh shut up. You know you would too.

After she finally tells me her "great" plan, I sit there, not moving, skeptically looking at her. "This can't work, Maddie."

"What?" she asks in disbelief. "Of course it can. It will work, trust me," she proclaims, giving me no choice than to just nod.

"Okay, I'll call him."

I see a big smile spreading across her face. "Good girl."


	14. Chapter 14

_2bz2breading: I know who kissed whom, don't worry :)_

_doubleclique: You'll find out in this chapter._

_Micropuff: Lol, I'm sorry. I know I'm good at it, I just can't help it :p About longer chapters…Your wish is my command. Not in this chapter, though. I'm sorry. But I promise after this you'll get the longest chapter I've ever written. Happy? :)_

_comedowntome: Yep, "he". Don't be mad at me after this chapter. Please?_

_arieskies: Lol, don't you just love aggressive Ashley? Or it's just me?_

_Thanks for all the feedback, guys. I love them all. Every single one, I swear._

_Okay, so...I know you probably won't like this chapter, but I promise you'll like the next one for sure. Well, at least I hope so._

_Enjoy and let me know what you think, please._

_PS: Kyla's poem isn't mine. I found it on internet. It's by Sylvia Chidi._

_Spencer's poem are lyrics by Matchbox 20 - If You're Gone. How I love that song._

**14.**

So I call him. You want to know who? Brian, that boy from Aiden's party. I'm sure you remember. Dark, hot, muscular. Drunk. So what if he was drunk? Madison told me he was looking for me after I left and gave her his number to call him.

So I did.

And I have a date. Tonight.

How lucky am I?

Shut up.

* * *

"Do you really think it's a good idea? What if he finds out that I'm just using him?" I askMadison uncertainly when we are waiting for him to pick me up.

"Don't worry, he won't find out anything. We have to make Ashley jealous and this is the only way. I mean, do you want to date someone who is 17 or what?" she asks while glaring at me.

I quickly shake my head. "No, of course I don't. But…what if I just told her the truth?"

She nods. "You have to tell her the truth. But not until you make her jealous. She isn't the only one who can be mean. You're Spencer Carlin and you can be a bitch too."

I give her a deadly look. "Don't call her a bitch," I hiss.

"What? But it's true. Look at what she did to you!"

Fortunately, I don't have to answer her, because we hear a soft knock on my door. We immediately stand up and I look at Madison in panic, my eyes wide open.

"Calm down, Spence. It's just a date," she tries to soothe me.

Yeah, my first date ever.

"Take a deep breath," she orders and I do what she asks me to, feeling better.

"Thanks," I say thankfully and take steps toward the door, opening it.

"Hey," I smile at the boy standing in front of me.

"Oh hey." He returns the smile. "You look beautiful."

I immediately blush. "Thanks."

"Hey, Madison," he says when he notices her standing behind my back.

"Brian," she replies nonchalantly and pushes me outside, shutting the door behind us.

I shyly glance up at him and see his smiling face. "Can we go?"

I nod and follow him outside the building toward his car. His brand new BMW. Somebody's rich, huh?

And that somebody is a real gentleman as I soon find out. He opens the car door for me; he waits till I get in and closes it behind me. He also takes me to the most expensive restaurant in L.A. and I suddenly feel like a fool in my black skirt and white top.

"Uh…I think I should have dressed differently," I whisper as the waiter seats us at our table.

Brian smiles amusedly. "No, don't worry, you look beautiful."

"Thanks," I say for the second time tonight. And I blush for the second time tonight.

God, what's wrong with me? I don't even like him! So what if he is all nice and sweet and hot and…

Ugh.

"I'm sorry for that night," he says and I look at him, surprised.

"What do you mean?"

He frowns. "The way I acted. I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing. But I really liked you back there and I still like you." cute smile flashes across his face.

Damn, does he have to be so sweet? It's kinda hard to not like him.

"I like you too." Well, at least I don't lie this time.

His smile grows wider after I say that. "Sweet."

* * *

Our first date went faster than I wanted it to. I have to admit, I had a good time with him and I truly like him. I told him everything about myself, about my job, undercover…just everything. And he told me everything about himself as well.

After the dinner, he takes me back to my place and offers to escort me to the door.

"I had a really good time," he says with this cute smile on his face.

"Me too," I reply, shyly looking at him.

He starts leaning in and I expect his lips on me, but instead I feel a peck on my cheek. I glance at him, confused, but he just smiles.

"I really like you, Spencer, but I don't want to force this."

A confused smile forms on my face. "Me neither."

"I'll call you. Night, Princess," he says, gives me one last smile, and leaves me standing there dumbfounded.

Why the hell must he be so sweet?

* * *

"Okay, guys. Who wants to go first?"

It's Monday and I have English again. We have to hand in the assignment Ashley gave us and she decided we have to read it in front of the whole class. That can be a problem, since I spent my whole weekend writing this and I for sure don't want to read it in front of the class.

You could say it's a little too personal.

Yeah, actually it's a lot personal.

But she said we can write whatever we want to, right? So I did.

"Anyone?" she looks around the class and sighs. "Okay," she takes a long pause before speaking the name.

Please, don't let it be me. Please, dear God.

"Kyla?"

Thank you.

I glance at Kyla next to me and see her cheeks redden. "I…uh…"

"What?" Ashley asks with confusion in her voice.

"I…I think it's stupid," she finally mutters, avoiding eye contact with her sister.

"Oh come on. It can't be that bad," she tries to encourage her.

After a couple of second of hard thinking she finally stands up and clears her throat before she starts reading.

"Homework," she reads and shyly looks at Ashley who nods, silently telling her to continue.

"All this talk, talk, talk  
Teachers are assigning me homework  
All I want, is to rock, rock, and rock  
This homework is a stumbling block

They all say it is the only way  
To sharpen my brain  
What a drain!  
Keep me thoughtful and creative  
Encourage me to be innovative  
Keep me occupied with some positive motive

Yeah right  
I can see some light  
The idea is bright

All this talk, talk, talk  
I am just doing my homework  
As I listen to the clock  
Singing out tick, tock, tick, tock  
Do not mock, just do your homework."

She ends her reading and for a moment, absolute silence spreads across the class before everyone burst out laughing, including Ashley and I. Kyla, confused and highly embarrassed, just sits back in her seat, her cheeks all red, and she seems like she's going to burst into tears any second.

After the laughing finally stops, Ashley speaks. "That was…great," she says, and everybody looks at her, completely confused.

"No really, guys. See, this is what I wanted, original and creative. I don't care if it's good or bad, it was great, Kyla," she tells her sister and Kyla immediately blushes, murmurs a quiet thanks and a small smile spreads across her face.

"Okay, who's next?" she asks as I see her eyes wandering through the class, stopping right on me.

This is not good.

"Spencer?"

"I'd rather to keep it to myself," I mutter, shyly looking at her.

No really, I can't read it in front of the whole class.

I see her confused eyes, but she tells me to read it anyway. Ugh, does she have to be so stubborn?

"Fine," spit out and begin to read.

"I think I've already lost you  
I think you're already gone  
I think I'm finally scared now  
You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong  
I think you're already leaving  
Feels like your hand is on the door  
I thought this place was an empire  
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure

I think you're so mean - I think we should try  
I think I could need - this in my life  
I think I'm just scared - I think too much  
I know this is wrong, it's a problem I'm dealing

If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home  
There's an awful lot of breathing room  
But I can hardly move  
If you're gone - you need to come home  
Cuz there's a little bit of something me  
In everything in you

I bet you're hard to get over  
I bet the room just won't shine  
I bet my hands I can stay here  
I bet you need - more than you mind

I think you're so mean - I think we should try  
I think I could need - this in my life  
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much  
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling."

I finish reading and look straight into her eyes, expecting…Well, I don't really know what I expect, but I'm sure it isn't what I see. The sadness, understanding, confusion maybe. We lock eyes for a moment before she breaks it and clears her throat.

"Yeah, well…That was…uh…good. I mean…anyone want to say something?" she asks desperately.

I sit down back in my seat and feel Kyla's eyes on me. I slowly turn toward her and see her staring at me with a confused look. I immediately feel my cheeks blush as I give her a weak smile.

Oh, please don't let her know.


	15. Chapter 15

_Micropuff7: This one is for you :)_

_YoungLove08: Haha, yeah, love them too. Well, at least that song._

_comedowntome: Haha, like Spencer said, Madison's plans…just aren't good._

_cyberauthor: Yeah, you're right. She hasn't seen them together. Yet._

_A/N: Thanks very much for all feedback. For every single one. _

_This chapter is kinda long, the longest chapter I've written actually, so I really hope you all will enjoy it. _

_Yeah, and don't kill me for the ending, please._

**15.**

After class, I try to leave as fast I can, but before anyone can really leave, Ashley's voice interrupts us.

"Umm…guys, stay in your seats, please." Heavy sighs and frowns come from us as she speaks those words.

"I know you aren't very happy about it, but today a health counselor is coming and she will lead a sex discussion with you." Laughs and giggles spread across the room.

"Since this is your last period, we'll just wait for her and the other students," she says and then the door opens as some other students, Chris and Angel with them, walk in. Kyla immediately waves at them and they approach us, giving us a confused look.

"What's going on?" Angel asks as she hops on my desk.

"Sex discussion," Kyla replies, rolling her pretty eyes.

What? Everybody can see she has pretty eyes.

Really!

"Ohhh, cool. I love talking about sex," Chris squeals just like a real boy and Kyla rolls her eyes even more.

"Shut up, pig."

"I'm not a pig, bitch," he snaps back.

"What did you just say?" Kyla stands up off her desk and stands in front of Chris, angrily staring him in the eye.

Whoa! Since when she is so aggressive?

I see Angel stands between them. "Calm down, guys. I don't need to see any blood."

Kyla, still angrily glaring at Chris, replies, "He called me a bitch."

"You called me a pig," he hisses, giving Kyla his best deadly look.

It's not as deadly as Kyla's is, though.

I think the Davies sisters have the same deadly look.

It looks scary.

I'm not paying attention to them anymore as I spot a familiar head peeking into the class through the small window on the door.

What the heck is she doing here?

"Excuse me," I say as I stand up from my desk and walk toward the door, not really looking around me, so I don't see they don't really care that I'm leaving. But someone else does.

"Where are you going?" she asks, and I turn around to face her. She's staring at me with those deep brown and I can't help but melt in them.

"I…uh…erm…I need to pee," I finally manage and quickly leave the class, not even giving her a chance to reply.

"What are you doing here?" I hiss at Madison just as I close the door behind me.

"Aiden sent me after you. He wants you in his office as soon as possible," she whispers and I immediately gulp.

"What does he want?" I ask, knowing it won't be something good since he sent Madison after me.

"I don't know, he said he wants to talk to you."

I peek into the class through the small window and see Ashley looking at us. I immediately turn around to Madison again and whisper, "I can't. We have this sex talk and I have to be here."

I see the interest in her eyes. "Sex talk?"

"Yeah," I frown.

"Can I be there too?" she asks with these puppy eyes.

"No!" I hiss, glaring at her.

She squeals, "Why nottt? Oh come on, Spence. Don't be so mean. I will be quiet, I swear."

"I said no!"

Then the door open and we spot Ashley confusedly staring at us.

"What's going on here?" she asks, looking at me and then at Madison. "I know you, right? You're Madison, Spencer's older friend, right?"

I see a smirk fleshes across Madison's face. "Yeah, we met at Aiden's party."

"What are you doing here?" Ashley asks confused and I immediately start thinking about some good cover.

Think fast, Spencer!

"I…uh…I'm here, because…"

Very fast!

"She is a health counselor!" I finally exclaim and they both look at me, Madison's eyes wide open.

"Oh, really?" Ashley gives her a small smile. "Then come in. We've been waiting for you," she opens the door for us and walks into the class, Madison following her, but not before she turns to me and mouths, "I'll kill you."

I give her an apologetic smile and mouth back, "Love you too."

This will be fun.

At least I hope so.

* * *

"Okay, guys, calm down please. I would like to introduce you to our health counselor, Madison..." she stops and turns to Maddie with a raised eyebrow.

"Duarte," she adds quietly and glares at me again as I make my way toward my friends.

I see Madison's already red face as she's talking to Ashley about something and then Ashley sits at her desk, leaving my poor friend alone standing in front of at least 30 people.

"Uhm…okay…well…let's see. Sex. Well, sex is…really nice. I mean, uh…when you're old enough, of course. And…uhm…y'know…you're not. You are what? Sixteen? Or seventeen? Whatever," she begins walking around the class, looking really…I don't know, professional?

No, I'm just kidding.

She stops walking and seems to be really thinking about something. "Ya know I lost my virginity when I was 15. With a boy named Casper." She rolls her eyes. "But God, how I liked him then. Too bad it last only 2 minutes."

The class laughs and Madison just looks at us, a small smile forming on her pretty face.

"No, really. Boys are pigs," she says and I see Kyla giving a look to poor Chris. "I mean, they say they'll call but at the end they don't, of course. Sometimes I wish I was gay," she proclaims and I feel myself blushing at those words and glance over Ashley. Our stares meet somewhere in the middle.

And Madison continues. "Y'know, girls are nice, gentle, sweet and they always call back." She frowns and the class laughs again.

I see Angel lift her hand up.

"Yeah?"

"Are you gay?" she asks curiously and Madison grins.

"No, I'm not. Sadly. I like dicks too much." Just as she says this, her eyes grow wide and she turns to Ashley. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Am I allowed to say "dicks"? I mean…uh…I'm sorry," she whispers desperately and Ashley gives her an amused smile.

"It's okay," she whispers back.

"So…uhm…any questions?" she asks, and every single hand immediately lifts up.

* * *

After couple of minutes, some girl asks Madison to show us how to put a condom on…you know, that _thing._

Eww.

"Well, that's quite easy. Anybody have a banana?" she asks and some girl pulls out a banana from her bag.

She has a banana in her bag?

Well, okaaay.

"So…umm…yeah, now I need a condom." She scratches her hair. Chris exclaims happily, "I've got one!" and runs to give it to her.

While he's gone, Kyla leans into me and whispers with disgust, "See, a total pig."

"Oh come on, Ky, don't be so mad at him," I whisper back with a small laugh.

"He so deserves it."

I would say something back, if Madison's voice doesn't interrupt us. "Some volunteer?"

She glances around the room and her eyes stop at me.

No.

"The blond girl in the back?"

No!

An evil grin spreads across her face. "Your name?"

I said no!

Of course, I don't reply, since I'm not stupid, but then Angel pushes me ahead. "Spencer," she says loudly and I give her my best deadly look.

I'll kill you later, Angel.

"Okay Spencer, come here, I don't bite," Madison laughs and I glare at her with this "I'll kill you too" look as I comply unwillingly.

"Can you hold it?" she asks Ashley and I see her eyes grow wide.

"Uh…sure," Ashley replies as Madison hands her the banana and she stands in front of me.

Oh God, this is going to be disaster.

I slowly unpack that thing, feeling everybody's eyes on me and desperately look up at Madison.

What now?

"K, now pull it over the banana in Miss Davies' hands," she proclaims and I glare at her again.

You think it's that easy?

So I slowly start pulling it over the banana. In Ashley's hands. In Ashley's soft, delicate hands.

Fuck you, Madison.

Fuck you.

I don't dare even look up in Ashley's brown eyes as I slowly do what Madison wanted me to. I frown when it doesn't work.

"I know it's hard," she says and the class laughs. "Uh…I mean, difficult. But safe sex is really important."

I already feel myself sweating as I'm still trying to do it right and when I finally make it, I let out a happy and satisfied sigh.

"Nice job, Spencer," Madison says and I give her my best triumphant smile. But then I look at Ashley and the smile is immediately gone.

Don't look at me like that, woman!

* * *

After class I just thank God that the real health counselor didn't even come, because…well, that would have been a problem.

"Spencer, are you coming?" I notice Madison waving at me after everyone leaves the class.

"I…uh…can you tell Aiden I can't today?" I ask shyly.

Madison glares at me.

"Please?"

She frowns. "Okay, I'll tell him. But you have to come tomorrow, alright?"

I nod and give her a hug. "Thank you," I say, giving her a peck on the cheek, when a cough interrupts us.

"Umm…excuse me, my sister wants to know if you're come to our place," Ashley asks, giving Madison a deadly glare.

Aww, someone is jealous.

"Yeah, sure," I reply, trying to hide the satisfied smirk on my face.

I like jealous Ashley.

"Okay," she says and instead of leaving, she stays in the class waiting for me, not tearing eyes from Madison.

"I'll call you," I tell Maddie and finally leave with Ashley right behind my back.

* * *

Ashley didn't say a word to me the whole ride to her place. She talked to the rest of us, but not with me. Not even a word. What's wrong with her? Is she really jealous? Even though she doesn't really have a reason for being jealous? It's not like I'm her girlfriend or anything.

After we get to the Davies', she locks herself in her room without a word. Kyla just shrugs her shoulders and tell us she is probably in a bad mood.

If you only knew, Ky.

Not that you ever will.

"So what's going on between you and my sister?" Kyla asks when we're in her room.

And I almost choke.

"W--what?"

"I asked what's going on between you two? Didn't you do your homework or something?"

"Umm…yeah, something like that."

Bad, bad Spencer. Lying again. Your parents wouldn't be proud of you.

"Geez, she can't leave you alone for a moment," she frowns and collapses on the bed.

"Anyway, we could go to Ego on Friday. What do you think, guys?" Angel asks, flipping through the magazine.

"Oh yeah, we totally could. We haven't been there in, like, forever," Chris exclaims and they turn to Kyla, who just nods.

"Okay. Are you going with us, Spencer?"

"Umm…and what exactly is Ego?"

Hey, don't look at me like that!

I don't know these clubs for teenagers.

"Seriously, Spence. You seem like you're from another world sometimes," Angel proclaims, making other giggle.

Psh, very funny.

Then I hear my cell phone ring and I quickly check it out to see Brian's name on it.

Oh shit, does he have to call me right now?

"Who's that?" Kyla asks, her big, curious eyes fixed on me.

"Uh…a friend. I'm gonna pick it up outside," I say and try to ignore the confused looks on my friends' faces as I walk out the door, quietly closing it behind me.

"Hello?"

"_Spencer? It's Brian."_

"Yeah, I know. What's up?"

I begin walking around the corridor, trying to get as far from the Kyla's door as possible.

"_Just wanted to ask if you maybe…want to go with me out…on Friday? I know this one club in town…"_

"I'm sorry, I can't on Friday. I have something else," I cut him off.

"_Oh."_

"But what about Saturday?" I ask hopefully.

Hold on a second.

I shouldn't want to meet him.

Is it bad if I really like him? Not like _that_, of course.

I mean…uh…

Shut up.

"_Saturday sounds good," _he replies happily.

Aww, so sweet.

Stop it, Spencer!

You DO NOT like him.

"Cool."

"_I'll call you. Bye, Princess,"_ he finishes and hangs up.

I stare at the phone for a second, trying to figure out why I'm really looking forward to see him again. It's not that I want him or something, I just…

Maybe I should give him a chance. I mean, he is the sweetest guy I've ever met and he obviously wants me. It would be easier for both Ashley and I if I just started dating him.

I think I don't like Madison's plan anymore.

Even though I never really liked it.

I want to go back in Kyla's room when a sound of piano stops me. I look around the corridor, trying to recognize where it's coming from, when my eyes stop on the white door. Ashley's door. Ashley's room. The room I've never been in before. The secret room.

I shouldn't…

I really shouldn't…

Oh, screw it.

I slowly begin to make quiet steps toward Ashley's room, every second turning my head around, if someone isn't behind me, when I finally reach the white door in front of me. It isn't even closed all the way so I quietly peek in, praying for her to not see me.

And she doesn't.

She is sitting on the bench in front of her piano, her back facing me, so she can't see me even if she wanted to. I quietly open the door, enough for me to enter her room, and close it behind me, immediately looking around.

Ya know, I'm a curious girl and I've never been here before. It's something like early Christmas for me.

Her bedroom walls are painted in the bluest color I've ever seen. Looks like somebody loves blue. First thing we have in common.

When I think about it… what exactly do I know about her? Nothing, actually. I just know she's an English teacher, Kyla's sister, my future wife…

Uh… Yeah, sorry, I spaced out a little.

Anyway, what next? Oh yeah, I know from Kyla that their parents died in car accident, when Ashley was 18 and Kyla 10. She didn't want Kyla to go to foster care, so she decided to take care of her. See, how great is she? Taking care of a 10-year-old kid and studying in college isn't the easiest thing.

And that's the last thing I really know about Ashley Davies. Except she's dating the hot guy. Psh.

Anyway, as I'm looking around her room while she's playing, I notice a couple of pictures in frames next to her bed. I don't see them very well, but I can see her beauty on every single photo. I look behind me and spot some more pictures hanging on the wall. I look at the first and see a dark-haired little girl with a baby in her arms, happily smiling in the camera. I can say the older girl is Ashley, thanks to this crinkle smile, and the baby is Kyla. Gosh, they were so cute.

Then I look on to the next picture and see a man around 40, sitting at the piano, with 10-year-old Ashley in his lap, both of them concentrating on the piano, not really registering the camera. Her dad, I think.

The last picture is the whole family. I look at what I think is Ashley's mom and then I finally see where she got that crinkle smile from. They all are on the beach, Ashley and Kyla building a sand castle, while their parents are watching them, happy and proud smiles on their faces.

"I still miss them."

I'm so interested in those pictures that I don't hear Ashley stop playing. I jump at these words, quickly turning around to face her.

"I…uh…I'm sorry, I shouldn't…"

I see a small smile spread across her face. "It's okay, I don't mind."

I turn around back to the pictures. "You seemed to be happy," I say softly.

"Yeah, we were." I feel her coming closer to me and she's standing right next to me now, looking at the pics with me. "Big happy family."

"Kyla told me what happened," I whisper. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was a long time ago," she replies, not tearing her eyes off the pictures hanging in front of us.

"Tell me about them," I say before I can stop myself.

She surprised glance at me for the first time. "What?"

I can't take it back now. "Tell me about your parents."

"Like what?" I see her deep brown eyes fixed on me, watching me.

"Like…uh…everything."

She breaks the eye contact as she approaches her bed, sitting down on it. "There's nothing to say about them. They were the best parents a kid could have and then they died. End of the story," she says with an evident pain in her voice.

I approach her, sit down next to her, and before I can stop myself, I place my hand on hers, resting on her knee. I feel her freeze at the contact and she fixes her eyes on me again, but doesn't pull back. "I'm sorry," I say again, not really able to say anything else as I feel myself already being lost in those deep brown eyes.

"It's okay," she replies and I hear that the pain in her voice changed into something else. "Spencer, I--"

I cut her off. "No Ashley, let me speak. Look, I know this isn't right and I do know you are my teacher and you have a boyfriend and…" I ramble more, not really registering that she's trying to say something.

"Spencer!" she says for the millionth time.

"What?" I finally stop rambling.

"I lied," she whispers.

Huh?

"What?"

"I lied," she says for the second time, ducking her head down.

"What do you mean, you lied?" I stand up off the bed, looking down at her.

"You didn't kiss me."

I glance at her in a shock. "No?"

"No," she murmurs. "I kissed _you_," she mumbles so quietly that I can barely hear her.

"What?"

She finally lifts her head up to look me in the eye. "_I_ kissed _you._"

My eyes immediately grow wider. "You lied to me?"

She doesn't say anything, but the guilt is evident in her eyes. "But…why?"

"I was scared."

I raise my eyebrow, wanting her to continue. So she does. "I was scared that you'd freak out, because of this whole teacher-student relationship. And our age difference," she adds.

If you only knew…

"I'm sorry," she says with a voice full of desperation and guilt. "I shouldn't have let it happen. It's not right and I know that. I shouldn't have kissed you, I just…" she stops.

"You what?" I whisper.

She looks up at me again and I see the fear in her eyes. Fear and something else. Desire?

"I just couldn't help it," she takes a deep breath, "Spencer, I know I'm telling you that all the time, but this…this is just not right. And I hate myself for being so weak."

"Weak?" I ask silently.

"Yes. I'm weak, because I just can't help myself. I want you so bad and I can't do anything about it. I tried, I swear that I tried, but I'm too weak."

She sighs before she speaks again. "It's killing me that we can't be together."

The time for me to say the truth…

"Ashley, I--"

I swear I would tell her the truth, if a pair of soft lips didn't interrupt me.

Uh oh. That's her lips on mine.

Oh my God. She's kissing me!

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my…

I really have no idea what I should do with my lips or hands or eyes, so I stay unmoving, my whole body trembling at this touch of her lips. She pulls away as soon as it started and she's staring at me with those eyes full of fear.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." she starts, but I cut her off.

"No, I just…uh…I've never…"

This time it's her who cuts me off. "You've never kissed anyone, right?" she asks sympathetically and I shyly shake my head.

"Well, technically you did," she chuckles.

"Yeah, but I don't remember it, so that doesn't count," I smirk at her.

I watch her as she starts to blush. "Uh…can I…can I…" she's stuttering, "Can I kiss you, Spencer?" she finally manages and before I can stop myself, I nod.

I watch her as she slowly takes my face into her hands and begins caressing it, before she leans in to whisper in my ear, "Don't be scared."

Psh, easy to say. It's not your first real kiss.

She pulls away from my ear to look deep in my eyes and slowly starts to lean in towards my lips, so now I can feel her breath on my face, as she whispers again, "You're so beautiful." I slowly close my eyes after she whispers this, waiting for her to make the next move.

And then her lips are on my own again. It's just a soft peck first; she wants me to get used to that feeling as she let them linger there for a moment. After a while I feel her begin to move, her hands still caressing my face. She pulls away a little just to look me in the eye, searching for approval. I give her a small smile before I place my lips on hers again, desperately craving that incredible feeling again. I feel her smile into the kiss and she starts nibbling my bottom lip, making me let out a moan.

God, I didn't know kissing was so good.

Maybe it's just with her.

After a moment I feel her tongue lick my bottom lip and I instinctively begin to open my mouth, when…


	16. Chapter 16

_I'm baaack. I'm sorry it took so long. But I'm finally back and with a new update for you :)_

_The biggest "thank you" for all the feedback. I totally love you guys, I have no words…_

_Yeah, and well…ya know, don't kill me again…_

_I will be good, I promise._

**16.**

"Ughh," I growl when she pulls away from the kiss with this frustrated expression on her face.

"You should pick it up," she says disappointedly, pulling away from me completely.

"Yeah," I mumble as I take the cell phone out of my pocket.

Stupid cell phone.

Stupid person who's calling me right now.

Ugh.

I don't even look at the ID as I answer with a harsh "Hello?"

Damnit, it's my mom.

"Hey, mom…I'm fine, you? Yeah, good to hear…" I roll my eyes and glance at Ashley apologetically. I hate when my mom calls me. Soon you'll find out why.

"What? Who told you? And how the hell does Glen know? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…Aiden told him? No, mom, we're not dating…" Just as I speak those words, I see Ashley freeze.

"Mom, we are just friends, why should I bring him?" I frown. "Fine, I'll bring him on Sunday. Are you happy? Yeah…love you too, bye."

I hang up the phone and shyly look at Ashley, not really knowing what she's thinking. She's not even looking at me; instead she's staring at the pictures hanging on the wall again.

"It was my mom," I start.

"I figured," she replies, still not looking at me. "You should go," she whispers, avoiding eye contact as she returns to her piano.

"Yeah, I probably should," I say, making my way toward the door, glancing at her for the last time. She's already sitting on the bench, fiddling with the piano keys.

I let out a heavy sigh before I open the door and walk out of her room. I go back to Kyla's room, not really realizing how long I was gone until I hear her sigh.

"Geez, Spencer, I thought you left. What took you so long?" she asks, tearing her eyes from the magazine she's reading.

"I'm sorry, my mom called me."

"I thought some friend called you," Angel says, not tearing her eyes from the TV screen in front of her. They decided to play Playstation with Chris, I see.

"Yeah, but my mom called me after him," I reply as I collapse on the bed next to Kyla.

* * *

It's Friday and we are heading to Ego finally. The whole week was hell for me, since Ashley and I haven't spoken at all. Again. It looks like she decided to ignore me for the rest of our lives or something. I'm really sick and tired of this little game. Maybe that's also why I'm glad that we are going out. At least I can forget about Ashley. Or I can try, right?

As we finally arrive to Ego, I immediately see the people heading inside as well.

"Oh geez, look how many are here tonight. Looks like we are gonna have some fun!" Angel squeals as we make our way inside Ego. We don't have a problem with the big security boy and I wonder why.

"Chris's brother is a friend of his," Kyla tells me as we finally reach our seats.

"My brother is friends with everyone." He gives me a wink.

Well, I see.

"Yeah and he even works here," Angel adds.

"Oh, really?" I ask with interest in my eyes.

What? I'm a curious girl!

"Yeah. Do you see that hot boy behind the bar?" Kyla asks and I follow her stare to spot a boy around 23, looking pretty hot. "Yup."

"That's Chris's brother. Too bad he isn't like Corey."

I giggle as I hear Chris snort. "Hey! I'm right here, Ky!" he squeals, snorting even more as we all start giggling.

"Calm down, Chris. She was just kidding."

Angel tries to soothe him, but Kyla leans in to whisper in my ear, "I so wasn't."

I let out another chuckle, before Chris takes my hand to pulls me on my feet. "Let's go dancing," he proclaims and I obediently follow him, along with Kyla and Angel. All three of us head toward the dance floor and I immediately begin to dance, my group dancing around me in a rhythm of music. I take a glance at Kyla and Angel next to me; they're dancing together, Kyla's hands on Angel's hips. Looks like they're enjoying themselves.

I keep watching them until I feel a pair of hands around my waist. I turn my head around to spot a smiling Chris behind me, pulling me closer to him. I don't resist as I let his strong hands slip around my waist, holding me tightly, my back pressed against his body. All four of us are dancing, not really registering the world around us until I start to get thirsty. I turn my head around and shout into Chris's ear that I'm going to get a drink. He just nods, shouting back that he's going with me.

He takes my hand to lead me toward the bar, but I stop him for a second, pointing at the couple in a tight embrace dancing on the dance floor. I see him smirk at the picture then turns around and we make our way away off the dance floor.

"What do you want?" he asks me as we sit down on the seats, breathing heavily from all the dancing.

"Coke," I reply and watch him as he waves at the bartender, his brother.

"Two cokes, Corey." His brother nods and in a second we have two Cokes in front of us.

"Who's that?" he ask as he points at me, his big dark eyes curiously fixed on me.

"That's Spencer, my friend," Chris replies proudly. Corey holds out his hand and I immediately accept it with a huge smile on my face.

"Nice to meet you, Spencer. I'm Corey, the amazing older brother of the not so amazing younger Chris." he grins at Chris's frown and I can't help but let out a loud chuckle.

"Nice to meet you too, Corey."

"Hope you have fun in Ego." He gives me a warm smile, not tearing his eyes off me.

I return the smile. "Yeah, I have been. Your brother is a good dancer."

"Thank youuu," Chris says happily.

"I bet you are a good dancer too," Corey adds and I feel my cheeks redden at his words. "Save one dance for me." He gives me a wink before he leaves to do his work.

"He likes you."

I turn to Chris who's sitting next to me, grinning stupidly. "What?"

"Corey likes you," he repeats, the grin on his face growing wider.

I frown. "He was just being nice."

"Spence, I know my brother. He so likes you."

I frown again. "Whatever."

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't like him. I do, he is a sweet guy. But I have someone else that has caught my interest. And I'm not talking about Ashley.

I'm talking about…

"Oh my God."

What the hell is he doing here?

"What?" Chris looks at me and I think he sees the shock in my eyes as he follows my stare. "Who's that?"

What is he doing here?

"That's…uh…" I begin to stutter. "That's my friend."

"A friend?" he asks confusedly. "Isn't he a little too old?"

"No. Uh…I mean, I have older friends," I manage, not tearing my eyes away from Brian.

Yeah, Brian. I have no idea what is he doing here, but he is here. In Ego. He just walked in and now he's looking around the club. Looks like he's waiting for someone.

Oh my God.

This is a bad dream.

Tell me this is a bad dream.

"Isn't that our health counselor?" Chris asks as he points out at the girl behind Brian's back.

What the hell are they doing here?

Just I finally begin to calm down, I notice a couple of other familiar faces walking in the club.

Sweet Jesus.

Is this some kind of punishment?

You probably don't know what I'm talking about, so let me tell you. Behind Brian and Madison walked in my brother, Aiden, Chelsea, and finally, the best part comes now, the hot guy and Ashley!

Are you fucking kidding me?!

Since when are they all friends?!

I see Madison notices me, and her eyes immediately grow wide. She quickly leaves them and makes her way toward me. I excuse myself from Chris and go toward her as well.

"What the hell are you doing here?" we both ask each other at the same time.

"I'm here with friends!"

"I didn't know you were here!"

I frown. "Madison, this is going to be a disaster."

"No, it's not." I see her grin.

"No!" I say, folding my arms across my chest. I really don't like these grins on her face.

"Ohhh yeah. This is going to be fun."

"I won't use Brian to make Ashley jealous." I resolutely shake my head, knowing exactly what she wants me to do.

"Why not? It'll be fun."

"Because I can't do that. I like him," I mumble, looking at the floor.

"What?" I feel her confused stare on me, so I lift up my head to meet her eyes.

"You heard me. I like him and I think this whole plan sucks. I can't do that to him, Maddie. He is a sweet guy and I don't want to use him."

I still see the confused look in her eyes when she replies. "Okay. If you don't want to, it's okay," she says softly. "I won't force you or anything."

I smile at her thankfully. "Thanks."

"Yeah, but anyway, what are we gonna to do?"

"I have no idea, Mads. I really don't."

* * *

But we figured out something anyway. Well, okay, not really. We just decided to ignore each other's groups as long as possible. It didn't work, of course, so we pretty much ended up together. I introduced Madison and company to my group as my brother's friends and they seem to get it. I tried not to be around them as often as possible, so I spent most of the time on the dance floor, dancing with Brian.

Well, yeah, with him.

I know I said I don't want to make Ashley jealous and I still don't. But when I saw the hot guy all over Ashley, I had to leave. Brian went right after me and somehow we ended up on the dance floor, dancing very close to each other. It's not like I want to make Ashley jealous. However, I know I'm doing it. I can feel her eyes on me while we're dancing. I can feel the jealous stare on us while we're dancing. I can feel the deadly glare she's giving Brian while we're dancing. I can feel _her_, even though we are far away from each other.

I feel like the biggest jerk. Right in front of me is standing the sweetest boy ever and all I can think of is a girl sitting at the table with her legs crossed, ignoring the boy's whispers in her ear and staring at me with the intensity no one else could.

I'm screwed, I know.

"Spencer, are you okay?" I blink a few times, suddenly realizing his presence.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Why?" Why are you even asking? You know you're not okay.

"I don't know. You look…sad," he says with a concerned look on his face.

"I'm fine. Really." To prove it to him, I flash a weak smile. "I think I just need some water."

He nods as he takes my hand into his own, leading us toward the table again. I see that almost nobody's there, just Ashley, the hot guy and my brother with Chelsea. Others are probably dancing. I uncertainly sit down on my seat, avoiding eye contact with Ashley as Brian leans down to whisper in my ear that he's going to get us some drinks.

"What are you doing?" I feel a whisper in my other ear and, confused, glance at Glen.

"What do you mean?" I whisper back.

"I'm not blind, Spencer. You're using him to make Ashley jealous."

"I'm not," I hiss at him, hoping nobody can hear me.

He pulls away and mumbles, "Yeah, sure you're not."

Okay, I have had enough. I quickly excuse myself and head toward the bathroom, already feeling the tears in my eyes. I'm happy when I see nobody's there. Nobody to see my tears. Nobody to blame me. Nobody to judge me.

I let out a heavy sigh as I place my hands on the sink, looking at myself in the mirror.

This time you're really screwed, Spencer. You can't have both of them. Maybe you can't have either of them. If they find out the truth, you for sure won't have any of them.

Yep, you're totally screwed.

I hear the door quietly open, but I'm not really paying attention as I continue to think about my fucked up life.

"Spencer, are you okay?"

Oh no.

I slowly turn around to meet a pair of concerned brown eyes, intensely staring at me.

I frown. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"If you were fine, you wouldn't be crying, would you?" She starts taking steps towards me.

"Don't."

I see the confusion written all over her face. "What?"

"Don't come closer."

She immediately stops; the confusion in her face replaced with hurt. "I'm sorry."

I let out an annoyed sigh, frowning. "Sorry for what? For playing this stupid little game with me? For leading me on? Or for breaking my heart? Tell me Ashley, for what exactly are you sorry?"

"I…" she starts, but I cut her off.

"You what? Do you tell me how much you want me again? And then say that we can't be together again? I'm sick and tired of this game, Ashley. I'm done," I say loudly, the tears streaming down my cheeks.

She tries to get closer, but I stop her again. "Don't!"

I see her duck down her head, motionless after my words. I let out a heavy sigh before I make my way toward the door, not looking at her anymore. But as I reach the handle, I stop for a moment. "You know what, Ashley? Live your life, be happy with your boyfriend and let me be. We both will be happier. Goodbye," I manage to whisper, desperately trying to hold in the tears running down my face and I walk out, leaving her in the bathroom alone.

I return to my friends, wiping all the tears off my face and hoping nobody will see them. Wrong. They're not blind.

Sadly.

"Spencer, what happened?" Madison immediately takes my hand and drags me out of there to a quieter place.

"N--nothing," I manage to say between the sobs.

I hear her frown. "Yeah, sure. Damnit, what she did to you?"

Looks like she knows me too well.

"Nothing. It was…me."

"What? Did you tell her the truth?" she asks, caressing my hand, and I finally calm down a little.

"No. I couldn't. I'm tired of this game between us, Maddie. If I told her the truth, she would hate me. And I don't want her to hate me. I just want to end this. I don't wanna do this anymore. I want to quit. I'm sick and tired of pretending to be someone I'm not. I'm not a 17-year-old student, God damnit!" I exclaim, not registering that we're not alone until I see Madison's wide eyes.

And then I hear the voice.

"You aren't what?"


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N: Thaaaaaaanks for the feedback. Really BIG thanks. And I'm glad that nobody killed me, lol. _

_So here's the next update. Hope you enjoy._

_Or maybe not. But girl can still hope, right?_

_Leave me some love._

**17.**

"You aren't what?"

No.

Please no.

Please tell me this is not happening.

Please tell me she didn't just hear that.

I slowly turn around, scared of what I'm about to see. I'm met with a pair of shocked brown eyes.

"I can explain," I say desperately.

"You aren't 17?" she asks with a raised voice.

"Ashley, I…"

She cuts me off. "Answer me!"

"No, I'm not," I say quietly, scared to look her in the eyes.

I see her frown. "How old are you, Spencer?" she asks coldly.

"25," I whisper.

She lets out a shocked gasp.

"I can explain," I desperately say again, taking a step closer to her.

"Stop! Don't come closer." She looks at me and the hurt is evident in her eyes. "You lied to me. You lied to me this whole time. How could you, Spencer? Why did you lie? Why didn't you just tell me the truth?"

"I'm sorry," I whisper again.

"It's too late for sorry," she says coldly, not looking at me anymore as she turns around and leaves me standing there. I watch her walking away, away from me and out of my life.

And then I feel it. The tears start streaming down my cheeks and I don't even try to stop them. I've fucked up many things in my life, but this one is the biggest mistake of all.

"Spencer, are you okay?" Madison asks, suddenly standing next to me.

"No, I'm not okay. I lost her."

"No, you didn't. It's gonna be okay."

I glare at her through the tears. "Okay? Okay?! It's not gonna be okay, nothing is okay. She hates me," I start sobbing uncontrollably as she pulls me into a hug, whispering soothing words in my ear.

After I while I finally pull away. "I'm gonna find her," I say, and she understandingly nods, knowing she can't stop me.

I have to find her and explain everything.

I make my way toward my friends, hoping she will be there, but I only find my brother and Chelsea sitting at the table. They immediately notice my red and puffy eyes. "What happened?"

"She knows."

Their eyes grow wider. "How?" Glen asks.

"She heard us with Madison," I say, looking around and trying to find her.

"Why were you crying?" Chelsea asks, all confused. She doesn't know about us. I never told her.

"Madison will tell you later. Wasn't she here?" I ask, and see Glen shaking his head.

Great. What now?

Maybe I should just let her be.

"Glen, can you please take me home?" He nods and immediately stands up. I follow him as he makes his way toward the door. "Oh Chelsea, please tell Kyla and the others I didn't feel well."

"Don't worry, I'll tell them."

"Thanks," I smile at her gratefully. "Bye, Chelsea."

* * *

I don't sleep that night. I mean, how can I? The love of my life hates me and I can't do anything about it.

I'm screwed. This time I really am.

I spend the whole next day in my bed, eating tons of vanilla ice cream and thinking about how I hate my life and everything in it. I ignore the calls from my brother and friends. I don't want to talk to them or see them and I for sure don't want their pity.

I'm just in the middle of another trashy romantic movie when I hear a loud banging on my front door. Of course I decide to not answer it, since I know it's either Glen or Madison and I'm not in the mood for either of them. So I just turn up the volume and hope the person behind the door gets the point.

But when the banging gets louder and more persistent, I let out an annoyed growl and stand up from my warm bed, putting on my robe. "I'm coming," I yell as if somebody could hear me, and lazily walk toward the door where the banging continues.

I finally unlock the door and slowly open it; my eyes open wide when I spot the person standing in front of me. "Ky? What are you doing here?"

"Your brother told me where you live," she replies as she walks past me into my apartment.

I close the door behind her and follow her into my living room. "So you know?"

She nods. "You know, when Chelsea told us you left and I didn't see my sister anywhere either, I knew something was up. You two have been acting really strange lately, but I couldn't figure out what was wrong. Until yesterday. When I came home, I found Ashley in her room crying."

I gulp and sit down on the couch, Kyla following me. "She didn't want to tell me what was wrong, of course. She's always kept everything to herself."

"So how did you find out?" I ask quietly, avoiding eye contact.

"She told me after a while," she admits softly. "So what are you? Some kind of spy?"

I finally look her in the eye. "What? No, of course not. Don't think something like that, Ky."

She let out a frown. "And what exactly am I supposed to think, Spencer? Is that your name at all? Or did you lie about that too?"

"No," I shake my head. "My name _is_ Spencer Carlin."

"But you aren't 17," she adds, and I slowly nod.

"No, I'm not."

"25. I can't believe I didn't notice it sooner. How could I be so blind? You didn't know anything everyone my age knows!" she exclaims in disbelief and turns back to me. "So what are you, Spencer?"

"A journalist," I whisper.

"Journalist," she repeats, her voice shocked. "Journalist. So I guess you were supposed to write an article about high school, right?" I just nod.

"Undercover?" I nod again and she frowns. "So what now?"

I glance at her, surprised. "What now?"

She looks at me as if I'm stupid. "Will you come back to school?"

I resolutely shake my head. "No. No way. I'm done with that."

"Okay," she nods. "That would be the best. And what about my sister?" she asks curiously and I immediately blush.

"W--what do you mean?"

She snorts. "Spencer, don't be stupid. I told you I found my sister crying. You think she would have been crying just because of this? Maybe I'm blind sometimes, but I'm not stupid."

"I…uh…" I try to say something, but all I can do is stutter.

She smirks. "Don't even try, Spence."

And I don't. I mean, that would be useless, right?


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N: Thanks for every single comment. Keep them going, please._

_The song is by Krezip - I Apologize._

**18.**

Remember the call with my mother? And remember what I promised her?

Yup, you're right, I promised her to bring Brian to dinner on Sunday. Stupid me, I know. You can blame me, I don't mind.

So I brought him. I just hope it won't be a disaster.

You know, with my parents you can be never sure. I mean, they aren't that bad, it's just…they're a little bit crazy.

Okay, a lot crazy.

Don't believe me? You totally should. I know what I'm talking about.

"Spencer, honey, so glad to see you!" Just as I knock on the door, my mom opens the door with a huge smile on her face.

"Hey, mom," I reply and don't remember to put on my best fake smile.

"So who's this nice boy?" she asks curiously, as if she didn't already know everything about him.

My brother has a big mouth, what can I say.

"Mom, this is Brian." I introduce the smiling boy standing right next to me and watch him as he immediately holds out his hand.

"Nice to meet you, Brian. I'm Paula, Spencer's mom," she says excitedly, accepting his hand.

I really have no idea why he actually agreed to come with me today. After the Friday disaster I totally forgot about it until my dear mother called me to remind me.

She's great, isn't she?

Anyway, I really wasn't in the mood for Sunday dinner with my family, so I tried to give her some stupid excuses. Didn't work, of course. When Brian called me Saturday night, I just asked him and he agreed. He really agreed. He even seemed to be excited about it.

Ugh.

So here I am, standing in our living room, introducing him to my dad. At least he acts quite normal. Actually, he's always been the cool parent, unlike my mom. Because seriously, my mom is anything but cool.

Finally, after this awkward introduction, Mom tells us to sit down. "Dinner is ready," she proclaims happily.

Dear God, be good to me.

* * *

Okay, it wasn't that bad, actually. I was really surprised when my mom acted normal. Ya know, it's not her natural behavior. But this time, surprisingly, it really wasn't that bad. The dinner went in a friendly way and I think my parents love Brian.

That could be a problem.

"Brian, it was so nice to meeting you. Hope you're gonna visit us again soon," Mom says, shaking his hand for quite a long time.

"I will, Mrs. Carlin." Mom gives him a look. "I mean, Paula."

See, she told him to call her Paula! I don't remember any of my friends being told to call her Paula.

Yeah, okay, I mean Glen's friends.

Geez.

"Good." She smiles and leans in to hug me. "He is a great guy, Spencer. Don't let him go," she whispers into my ear and I gulp.

See, I told you this could be a problem.

After we finally leave their house, Brian takes me home. Such a sweetheart, I know.

Stop it, Spencer!

But he really is…

Ugh!

"Your parents are nice," he comments as we're standing in front of my apartment.

"Thanks," I reply, awkwardly playing with the keys in my hands.

"So…uhm…you want to come in?" I nervously ask, avoiding the eye contact between us, until he touches my chin and lifts my head up.

"I would love to," he says softly. "But it's too soon. Night, Princess." He gives me one of his warm smiles before placing a light kiss on my lips. It's just a light touch and I wonder if it's true or if I'm just dreaming.

He immediately pulls away and before he turns around to leave, takes a last glance at me, his eyes smiling along with his face. "I'll call you," he whispers and finally leaves.

With a heavy sigh, I lean against the door, wondering how I ended up in this situation between two people I can't stop thinking about.

* * *

Monday morning and I'm at home. No, I didn't go to work, because I _really _wasn't in the mood for Aiden's rambling about how I should finish it up and blah. Would you finish something you fucked up? Yes? So maybe it's just me. But as I said, I will not go back to school. There's no way I'll return there.

However, I spent a couple of months there anyway and I have to write an article about it. Otherwise, Aiden's Dad would kill me. I just can't force myself to do it. At least not yet.

I login to my AIM, since I have nothing else to do. I think I should buy a dog or something to entertain myself. Dogs are entertaining, right?

_**KyDav: **__No work today?_

Kyla? She's not at school?

_**BlueeyesSpence:**_ _Nope. Not in the mood. You?_

_**KyDav: **__Taking care of sister._

_**BlueeyesSpence:**_ _What? What happened? Is she okay?_

_**KyDav:**__ Yeah, don't worry. She's just sick. And in a bad mood._

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__?_

_**KyDav:**__ She broke up with Chuck yesterday._

Oh.

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__Really?_

_**KyDav: Yup. **__About time, I couldn't stand him. Such a douchebag._

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__You think she's still mad?_

_**KyDav: **__Yeah, she still is. I tried to talk to her about it, but she didn't even let me start. Sorry, Spence._

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__It's okay. She hates me, I get it._

_**KyDav: **__Bullshit. She loves you. She's just mad, that's all._

Love? Isn't that a strong word? I decide to ignore it.

_**KyDav: **__What about the dinner yesterday?_

Yeah, I told her everything about Brian. I even told her I like him more than I should.

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__Good. Parents love him._

_**KyDav: **__Lol, really?_

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__Yeah. Maybe I just should be happy with him, dontcha think?_

_**KyDav: **__Idk, Spence…_

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__My life would be easier…_

_**KyDav: **__Maybe you're right. As I told you before, you have to decide who you want to be with. Who you want to fight for. Ashley or Brian? Brian or Ashley? It can only be one of them, Spence._

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__I know. I just have to talk to her. But I don't know how, since she doesn't want to talk to me._

_**KyDav: **__I've got a plan :)_

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__Plan? I don't like plans. Plans aren't good. Not at all._

_**KyDav: **__Just trust me. 2 pm. Be here._

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__What do you mean "here"?_

_**KyDav: **__My place. Just trust me, Spence. You want to talk to her, right?_

_**BlueeyesSpence: **__Yeah, but…_

_**KyDav: **__No "but". 2 pm. Be here. I gotta go make her a hot tea. See ya._

_KyDav __has __signed off._

* * *

I'm standing in front Davies' mansion, nervously shifting my weight from one foot to the other and after a couple of minutes and deep breaths, I finally knock on the door and after a second, a smiling Kyla opens the door.

"I knew you'd come." She grins.

"I'm nervous," I say honestly as she nods sympathetically and let me in.

"I know. Ashley's in her room. Go and talk to her, I'm going out," she says, grabbing her stuff, but I stop her.

"What? B--but…I can't be with her alone," I say desperately.

She stops for a moment, letting out a heavy sigh. "'Course you can. It's not like she's gonna kill you."

"B--but…"

She places her hand on my shoulder. "Spence, it's gonna be okay. Just go and talk to her. Maybe she'll forgive you, maybe not. But you can at least try, right?"

I slowly nod and she gives me an encouraging smile. "Good girl. I'll be back in two hours. Good luck," she says and leaves, her smell lingering in my nose.

Mhmm, she smells good.

Right, stop thinking about stupid things and go upstairs!

After another couple of minutes of heavy breaths, I finally force my legs to move towards the stairs and then to Ashley's room. And again, she doesn't have her door closed, so I can clearly hear the music coming from inside. But this time it's not her who's playing. It's music coming from the CD player. I take last deep breath before I slowly open the door, enough for me to enter the room and find Ashley lying in her bed. She looks like she's sleeping, but I know she isn't. She's just listening to music.

And then she opens her eyes, probably feeling someone watching her.

_It's taking over  
It feels like familiar regret_

"What are you doing here?" she asks coldly, her voice even huskier than before, thanks to her sickness.

Hot.

"I wanted to talk to you."

She sits up, glaring at me. "There's nothing to talk about."

_It get's me started  
There's many things I should have said_

"There's a lot to to talk about," I whisper, looking her right in the eyes.

"Really?" she asks sarcastically. "Well, that sucks, because I don't want to hear about it."

I look at the floor, suddenly not wanting to look in her eyes. "Please."

"Fine. Then talk."

I'm finally able to look at her and notice the cold brown eyes staring at me.

_I find it hard but I'll try, I'll try_

"I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I'm sorry for not telling you the truth. I'm sorry for hurting you."

_For all the times  
For all the cries  
For all the pain I've caused_

She doesn't say anything, instead she's still staring at me, her brown eyes fixed on me. I take a couple of steps forward, but she still doesn't move.

_I apologize  
Lay down my pride_

"I apologize for everything, Ashley."

_Give me one more chance  
Before you walk away_

"I just want you to know how sorry I am. I don't expect you to forgive me and I don't expect you to run into my arms or anything. All I want is for you to give me one more chance. A chance to explain everything. Give me one more chance, Ashley," I whisper desperately.

_Time goes by now  
What you can't seem to forget_

"One more chance? You think you deserve it, Spencer?" She frowns. "You hurt me. Do you even know how much you actually hurt me? I don't think so," she says, her husky voice cold like ice.

_I took for granted  
All of the things that I had_

"I do," I admit, lowering my head.

_I know I hurt you  
Hear me out, hear me out_

"Believe me; I do know I hurt you. Just hear me out, please. That's the only thing I want. Please."

_I understand the way you're feeling _

_just don't walk away_

She sadly looks at me before shaking her head. "No."

_I know there are a million reasons_

_you've got to walk away_

"Look, I know you probably don't want to see me anymore and I completely understand, but I beg you. Just one more chance to explain it."

_I let you down  
But please just hear me out_

"Explain what, Spencer? You lied. You lied to me this whole time. You left me to suffer this whole time without knowing the truth." She raises her voice. "It's over, Spencer. I'm done," she says with the hurt evident in her voice, her eyes never leaving mine.

_Before you walk away_

"Now leave, please," she whispers, finally tearing her eyes from mine. I finally give up, knowing I don't have a chance. I don't deserve a chance.

"I'm sorry," I whisper for the last time, before I turn around and walk out of the door and out of her life.

Walk out on something I've never really had.


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: Thanks for all the feedback._

_I know this one is kinda short, forgive me._

_Anyway, enjoy._

**19.**

Do you have sometimes the kind of feeling that you lost everything you always wanted? That you lost something you never even had? Something you used to dream about when you were a little girl, lost in her own world?

I'm sure you remember it. At least I do.

I was eight, always playing in the tree house my Dad built for my brothers and I. Well okay, especially for my brothers, since I was a girl and girls shouldn't play in the tree house. At least that's what my Mom used to think. She always thought I was weird, because I always played with boys and not with girls. I just couldn't help it, girls were boring. And that's not my fault, right?

Anyway, I was playing with my brothers and Aiden as usual, and suddenly we decided…yeah, okay, _they_ decided, to play wedding. Which meant I had to be a bride and Aiden the groom. I remember it like it was yesterday; my lips immediately curved into a pout, as I resolutely said, "No." I didn't want to marry Aiden; actually I didn't want to marry any guy. "I want to marry Holly!" I proclaimed excitedly. My brothers and Aiden looked at me in shock, not believing their own ears. Holly was my only girl friend when I was a kid. She had long brown hair and the brownest eyes I've ever seen. When I think about it now, I think I had a crush on her, because I always dreamt about how we were gonna marry one day.

When I think about it again, I never dreamt about a prince on a white horse. No, in my dreams it was always Holly trying to save me from the bad witch.

Now I'm 25 and I'm not dreaming about a girl trying to save me from the bad witch anymore. Now I'm 25 and all I can dream of is the one special girl who stole my heart a couple of months ago. But I lost her. I lost it all and I can't do anything about it.

* * *

"What do you mean you won't come back?"

I knew this time would come. I knew I'd have to tell my boss the truth one day. But now that it's time, I suddenly don't feel very well.

"I just won't, okay? I'll write that stupid article, but I'm not going back there," I say resolutely, shaking my head at Aiden's frown.

"Are you kidding me? You're supposed to be there for one more month. Don't tell me you can't stay there for one month?!"

"I said no!"

We are glaring at each other; I'm sitting at my desk while Aiden's standing in front of me, giving me a deadly stare.

As if I'm scared of him.

Ha! You wish.

"Great. Really great. And how exactly am I supposed to tell Dad about this?"

"I told you, I'm gonna write it. I just won't go back. That's all."

"It has something to do with today's anniversary?" he asks suddenly and I immediately freeze.

"What?"

"You know, today is…"

I quickly cut him off. "I know what today is, Aiden. But thanks for telling me anyway," I say coldly.

I think he finally gets the point. "Uh…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I just, you act like this every year, so I thought…"

"Do you have something else to say, Aiden?" I give him a look telling him to shut up and leave.

Oh, look at the smart boy, he gets the point again.

"No. We'll talk later," he replies and turns around and finally leaves.

Just when he finally fucks off, I hear a soft knock on the door. God, I'm not here for a couple of months and nobody can leave me alone.

"Yeah?"

The door opens and Madison walks in, the concern and sympathy evident in her face. "Hey, Spence. I just wanted to know if you are okay. Do you need anything?" she asks softly.

"No, Mads. Thanks, I'm fine. Never been better."

Sarcasm. How I love it.

"Have you seen Ashley?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"And nothing."

"Spencer, I…" she's trying to say something, but instead she just mumbles something I can't really recognize.

"Huh?"

"I was thinking…if you want to…I can go with you today…" she stutters.

"No, thanks," I finish, silently telling her to leave me alone.

Not working.

"Are you sure? I mean, I know how hard is for you to go there…"

"Madison," I cut her off again, interrupting her useless rambling. "Thanks. I can make it by myself."

She nods understandingly, knowing she can't change my mind. "Okay."

* * *

The cemetery.

I hate this place.

No really, I hate it.

I've hated it since Clay's funeral.

Before that, I never really paid attention when we were at the cemetery with my parents, "visiting" my grandparents, as my Mom used to say. It was just a place where people pretended to be sad. Okay, maybe some of them were really sad, but I was young and I didn't care. Then, the cemetery was a place I didn't really like. It was depressing and scary; Clay used to make fun of me when he suddenly appeared from behind and scared the shit out me. How I hated him then.

And how I miss him now.

It's been ten years today.

Ten years without his smile, his voice, his laugh, his annoying singing every morning before school. It's been ten years without my big brother.

I really miss him. He was the big brother you could say anything to. The kind of brother who always gave you advice and even though it was stupid, you were glad he at least tried.

How I need his advice right now.

I'm sure he would've known what to do. What I should do with Ashley, with Brian and with my whole life.

God, how I hate the cemetery.

I'm standing above Clay's grave with a single rose in my hand, trying to think about what I'm gonna say to him.

Yeah, I know he's dead, I'm not crazy.

It's just…I go to his grave just once a year. The day he died. Now you're maybe wondering why. He was my brother and I go there just once a year? What kind of sister am I?

But it's not like that. You don't really understand. Nobody does.

It's just hard to go there, you know. Seeing his grave, just a piece of grey rock, nothing more. It makes me realize that he's not coming back.

Because of that, I don't go there. It just hurts. But when I do, I talk to him as if he were still here. With me.

"It's been a long time," I whisper, finally able to make a sound. "Are you happy to see me?" I pause as I feel a single tear flowing down my cheek. "I'm sure you are. Your favorite sister came to see you," I chuckle to myself, suddenly glad no one else is at cemetery. "Now you are supposed to tell me I'm your only sister as you used to say." I make another pause. "I miss you, you know. It's been so damn hard without you. Especially now, when my life is a disaster." I kneel down and softly touch the grass beneath my feet. "Clay, I need you," I manage to say, my voice weak. "I need you so much. Why did you leave me?" I repeat this question every year, every time I come here and I never get an answer. "Would you tell me what am I supposed to do now? If I should let it be or fight for her? What would you tell me? Would you tell me to be a strong girl and never give up as you used to? Would you tell me to fight for my dreams as you used to? What would you say, Clay?" I stop and the silence spreads around me. I let out a disappointed sigh when I don't get an answer again.

I wipe away the tears silently running down my face, place the rose in my hand on the cold grass and slowly stand up. "I love you," I whisper for the last time before I turn around and walk away, leaving my brother to rest in peace.

* * *

"_Hey Spence, are you okay? Call me if you need anything."_

"_Spencer, I'm really sorry for today. I shouldn't have said that about today's anniversary. I'm sorry. Aiden."_

"_Spencer, it's your mother. We want to have you home tonight, since it's Clay's anniversary. Call me when you get the message."_

"_Sis, it's me. I know Mom called you. And I know how much you hate these stupid evenings every single year. But please, come home tonight. You can't be alone."_

"_Princess, it's Brian. Aiden told me about today. I didn't know he died today, you should have told me. Just call me if you need something…anything. You know I'm always there when you need me. Bye."_

"_Spence, why didn't you tell me? I tried to call you like hundred times. Ashley told me what happened. I'm sorry my sister was so stupid. And I'm really sorry for your brother. I didn't even know you had another brother. You could have told me, I thought you trusted me. Finding out from Glen isn't the way how I imagined it, but it's okay, I understand. Just please…call me back, I'm worried about you."_

Madison, Aiden, Mom, Glen, Brian, Kyla.

Six voice messages.

Fifteen missed calls. Eight from Kyla, three from my mom, two from Madison and last two from my brother.

Not a single one from _her._

I mean, I didn't expect her to call me or anything, since she doesn't even know. But what if I still hoped?

What if I still do?


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: Thanks for all the feedback and everything, I really love and appreciate it._

_Anyway, I'm so damn sorry this chapter is super-short, but it just had to be this way. I know you all are gonna kill me again, and I should say that I'm sorry, right? So yeah, I apologize._

_But I swear the next one will be __long__ and it will be really soon._

_Anyway, enjoy._

**20.**

Believe me, I really didn't want to go back home tonight, but when Glen suddenly appeared in my apartment, I didn't have another choice.

Now why do I hate these stupid evenings with my family every single year on this date? Ohhh, let me tell you. My beloved mother decided that on Clay's death anniversary, we all have to be home and watch his old videos. "To not forget him" as she says.

Morbid, right? I know.

That's just my Mom; she is strange.

"Mom, do we really have to watch it?" Glen sighs as he sits down next to me on our couch.

She sternly looks at him. "Yes, we do. Don't you want to see your brother again?"

Umm…no?

"He is _dead_, Mom," he proclaims as if we didn't already know.

"Glen, that is enough," my dad speaks for the first time tonight, giving a look to my brother, telling him to stop. "If Mom wants to see it, we will. Got it?"

God, I hate the tone of his voice. It means we have to do everything he says.

And right now he says we have to watch these stupid home movies from when we were kids, unwrapping Christmas presents under the big tree, all three of us with these huge smiles on our faces as we found something we wanted so much.

It hurts seeing him. Seeing him so happy after he found the microscope our parents bought him on his first Christmas with us.

Seeing him _alive._

It really hurts and I can't stand it anymore. Shaking my head, I quickly stand up off couch and without a word, shut the front door behind me. I know they won't run after me. I do this every single year and every single year they hope I'll stop doing it. But I won't. I can't.

* * *

I come home late; I almost can't see anything through the tears in my eyes.

I hate Mom for doing this to me. It's not healthy.

I sob again as I throw the keys on the table, walking straight into the bathroom to take a hot soothing shower. The tears are slowly streaming down my cheeks, mixing with the hot water and after an half an hour I finally get out, putting the white towel around my body.

Then I hear it. Someone's ringing the bell.

Damn it.

Why can't they just leave me alone? Do I ask too much?

I look at clock. 11 pm. Jesus Christ, I swear I'll kill whoever it is behind the door.

The bell rings again.

"Fuck," I mutter under my breath as I finally force myself to take a couple of steps toward the door, furiously opening it and ready to say some choice words. However, I stop my movements just when I spot the person standing in front of me, shyly looking at me.

"I guess you didn't expect to see me."

You bet I didn't.


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: Mkay, so I decided that I don't want to torture you, guys, so I'm posting the next chapter...now._

_But with one thing...that I have no idea when the next chapter will be. But I hope soon._

_Hope you won't be disappointed or mad at me this time. Let me know, okay?_

_Love you all._

_**clui:**__ Lol, idk. I have to ask first, haha._

**21.**

"You?" I spit out, still not believing my own eyes.

"Yeah, me," she replies, shyly looking at me with her hands shoved deep in her jeans pockets. "Can I come in?"

I finally wake up and move aside to she can enter the apartment, silently following her into my living room.

She's here.

She came.

Why did she come?

We're awkwardly standing in the living room, neither of us knowing what to say. I mean, she came to see me, so she should begin, right?

"Uhmm…did I interrupt you?" she asks, pointing at my body. I look down and immediately feel myself blushing.

I'm still just in a towel. All wet and in a towel.

Great.

I look up at her again and catch her staring at me with hungry brown eyes.

Looks like someone's checking me out.

I can't help it; I give her a sly grin and she immediately blushes. "I'm just gonna change into something more…comfortable," I tell her and leave her alone while I go into my room.

After I change into shorts and the top I'm sleeping in, I return to the living room and find her sitting on the couch, flipping through a magazine. She doesn't see me, so I have a perfect view on her beauty. She's wearing comfortable jeans and black top, her soft brown hair lazily falling over her eyes as she's reading, her head ducked down.

"So why are you here, Ashley?" I suddenly ask, making her jump at my voice. She quickly places the magazine on the table and turns to me, her eyes full of uncertainty.

"I…uh…Kyla told me about your brother."

So that's the reason why is she here. Not because she decided to forgive me, but because of my dead brother.

I don't answer, just stare at her as she continues. "I wanted to know if you were okay," she says, and stands up off the couch, but doesn't come closer.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Uh…I mean, you know that my parents died too, so I kinda know how it is to lose someone you love…"

Oh please, I don't need another person to tell me bullshit like this.

"I'm okay."

Of course I'm not okay, but she doesn't have to know that, right? I don't need her pity, I don't need anyone's pity.

She takes a couple of steps forward. "Spencer, I really don't think you're okay." She suddenly stops as she deeply looks into my eyes. "Were you crying?"

"No."

Good Spencer. Deny everything. It's not like she has the right to know.

She let out a sigh. "You were."

Okay, now I'm pissed. "Why do you even care? I thought you didn't want to see me anymore. And look at you now, suddenly you're all caring and spouting out bullshit. I don't need your pity, Ashley."

The look of surprise and hurt appears in her eyes. "I'm not here to pity you."

I frown. "No? So why are you in here?"

"I just thought you would need someone. It's not good to be alone at times like this."

"And why exactly do you think I need _you_? If I remember right, you were the one who told me to fuck off." I raise my voice.

She sighs as she runs her hand through her hair. "Look, I know I was probably overreacting. But you have to understand me; I was really hurt that you lied to me the whole time while I was suffering, because I thought we were doing something illegal."

"But you didn't let me explain anything. How exactly am I supposed to explain it when you don't let me?"

She sighs and tilts her head down. "I'm sorry, okay? I know I should have at least let you to explain it. Can't we just sit down and talk? But I don't want to talk about that right now, I think we have time for stuff like that." She smiles a little, shyly looking at me again. I can't help it and immediately return the smile. "I just want to make a clean start between us."

My smile grows wider as I suddenly stick out my hand. "I'm Spencer Carlin, a 25-year-old journalist. Nice to meet you."

She glances at my hand, surprised, but then a big grin spreads across her pretty face as she softly takes my hand into hers. "I'm Ashley Davies, a 25-year-old teacher. Nice to meet you, Spencer."

For a moment, we are just staring at each other, our hands still linked along with our eyes and neither of us wants to break the contact. "I missed you," she suddenly says so quietly that I wonder if I heard right. "School isn't much fun without you." This time she says it louder, a grin forming on her face.

I wink at her. "Aww, you missed me? That is so cute," I squeal, the sound of my voice too sweet as she laughs and playfully slaps me on the shoulder. I gasp at her movement, looking at her in shock.

"Did you just slap me?"

"No," she replies seriously.

"You so did!"

"I so didn't."

"You DID!" I yell and throw myself at her, but she is too fast and manages to move a little, so I end up falling on the floor, my face slamming into my new white carpet. "Oww," I squeal loudly.

That really hurt.

Oh, there is a smudge on my NEW white carpet! I'll kill whoever did it!

"Oh my God, Spencer, are you okay? Are you hurt? Talk to me!" She's immediately on her knees next to me, trying to find out if I'm alive.

"There's a smudge!"

"What?" she asks all confused.

"There's a smudge!" I say again, this time louder. "I swear I'm gonna kill the one who did that!" I don't move to look at her, since I'm too busy with glaring at the little smudge on my brand-new white carpet.

I mean, hello, that carpet was _expensive_!

All of a sudden, I hear a loud laugh coming from Ashley and I finally manage to turn my head and look at her. She's literally stretched across the floor, laughing her ass off.

So she thinks it's funny, huh?

Well…we'll see if she'll think this is funny…

And then, I let the full weight of my body fall right on her, immediately straddling her waist. She stops laughing right as she feels someone on top of her and her eyes grow wide when she spots me hovering above her with an evil grin on my face.

"Spencer…" she starts warningly.

"Mhmm?"

"You won't…"

"Ohhh, I so will," I reply and immediately attack her, tickling her everywhere. She begs and screams for mercy, but I keep tickling her until she picks up all her strength and switch our positions, so now I'm on my back with her on top.

Well, this could be a problem.

"Say mercy," she orders, staring at me.

Oh, how brown are her eyes now?

Niceee.

"No."

She places one of her hands on my waist. "Say mercy."

"No."

She places another hand on my waist. "Say it."

I shake my head once again. "Nope."

And that, right that, was the moment when she, without any mercy, attacks me with her hands. I'm trying to push her off me, but she's so much stronger than I thought. "St--top! P--please!"

She stops for a moment, but before that, she lifts up my hands above my head, holding them tightly. "Please what?"

"Let me gooo," I shriek.

"Say mercy."

I shake my head again, but when I see this evil grin on her face, telling me she's ready to start again, I quickly change my mind and literally scream, "Mercy!"

She gives me a satisfied smile. "Good girl."

Yeah well, now she could loosen her grip.

I watch her as she's still staring in my eyes, her grip not loosening and her grin slowly fading away.

Uh oh. I know this face.

She's sooo gonna kiss me.

I slowly close my eyes, expecting her soft lips on me, when I hear her whisper. "I know you miss him."

Or not.

Talk about mood killer.

I frown as I open my eyes, glaring at her. "What?"

She finally loosens her grip and gets off me, sitting next to me on the floor. "Don't try to deny it. I know it still hurts."

I let out another frown. "Miss Smart knows everything, right?"

"Spence, I'm just trying to help you," she sighs, passing her hand through her hair.

I change my position from lying down to sitting, hugging my knees up to my chest. "I don't need your help. I don't need anyone's help. I'm fine."

Does it sound as false as it is?

I hear her snort. "Sure you don't. So why were you crying?"

Well, I think I don't have an answer for this. I decide to stay quiet and just glare at her.

"Spence, please…" She places her hand on my knees. "Talk to me."

"I don't wanna talk," I mumble.

"Please," she whispers again.

I look at her and frown. "You're really not the right person to tell me this."

She takes her hand back as she glances at me, confused. "What do you mean?"

"If I remember right, you didn't want to talk about your parents either. So tell me, Ashley, why exactly should I talk to you if you didn't talk to _me_?"

I watch her let out a heavy sigh before she replies. "Okay, so if I tell you about my parents, will you talk to me about your brother?"

I stay quiet, thinking about whether it's a good idea or not.

Well, what can I lose?

So I slowly nod.

I watch her as she moves, leaning against my couch and crossing her legs. "You know, in the beginning, the doctors told my parents they couldn't have kids," she slowly starts, not looking at me. "They tried really hard for a couple of years, but nothing was working. They almost lost their hope and thought about adoption, when my mom found out she was pregnant." A small smile spreads across her beautiful face at the memory. "They used to tell me this story almost every night before I went to sleep instead of a fairytale." She winks at me and I smile, not saying a word. "You could say I was the typical only child, spoiled and such, but thanks to my parents I was anything but that. Mom and Dad wanted me to become a good person."

"They did a pretty good job," I mention, smiling at her.

"Yeah, they did," she says sadly. "I just hope I'm the good person they wanted me to become."

"Trust me, they would be proud of you."

She blushes a little, before she mutters a quiet "Thanks."

"So how was it when Kyla was born?" I ask curiously and she immediately grins at the memory.

"Horrible," she laughs. "When my parents told me Mom was pregnant again, I became this little spoiled brat. I was seven, the only child in the family and I for sure didn't want a new baby to destroy my perfect world." She pauses and looks away, lost in her own mind. "I remember the day when Kyla was born. I didn't even want to visit them in the hospital. But somehow, my Dad changed my mind, so I went there." She pauses again, still looking away and I'm fully intrigued, listening to every word she speaks. "I remember it like yesterday; we walked into the white room where my Mom was lying with Kyla in her arms. God, she was so beautiful," she breathes out. "So small, with this shock of dark hair, peacefully sleeping in Mom's arms. And then she asked me to take her in my arms. God, I was so scared that I would hurt her. Then she opened her eyes and looked at me. That, right then, was the moment when I melted. Looking in those eyes, I decided that I was going to be the best sister she could have. And maybe even though I don't act like that sometimes, I love my sister, you know," she says and finally glances at me.

"I know."

"She's my only family since our parents died," she whispers sadly, looking away from me again.

"What happened?" I ask so quietly that I'm not sure if she hears me.

"Car accident. They died on their way home."

I move from my place and now I'm sitting right in front of her, putting my hand on her knee, silently telling her its okay if she doesn't want to continue.

"No, it's okay. I think I have to tell someone finally. After seven years, it's about time," she smiles sadly.

I nod, giving her an encouraging smile. "I was home learning with Kyla, expecting my parents to come home any minute, but minutes, then hours passed and I was worried more and more, especially when I couldn't even catch them on the phone. After two hours, I started panicking, but I didn't want Kyla to be scared too, so I just told her they called and said they'd be late. After another hour, we heard the doorbell and I went open the door. It was the cops of course. They told me our parents had an accident and that they were dead," she finishes, trying not to cry.

I see she's not able to continue and I don't even want her to. I know talking about something like this is incredibly hard, so the only thing I can do is pull her into my arms and hold her tightly. She immediately relaxes in my embrace, but doesn't cry. She just holds me as if she doesn't want to let me go and I don't resist.

I mean, how could I?

After a few moments, we finally pull away from each other and she gives me a weak smile. "Your turn."

Ugh, I knew this would come.

"Well, my story is different than yours," I start, hugging my knees up to my chest. "My parents adopted Clay when I was 6. Glen was 8 and Clay was nine at the time. The oldest, the smartest and the coolest. Of course I love and always loved Glen, but right from the beginning, there was something between Clay and I. We shared our secrets, our hopes and dreams; we shared everything. Glen had Aiden and I had Clay. He was my brother, my hero, my best friend." I pause and feel s single tear silently falling down my cheek. "One sunny day I stayed home because I was sick and Glen had to stay at school longer because of basketball training, so Clay decided to go home by himself. He walked, since our house wasn't that far away from school. We talked over the phone just when he decided to walk his way home. I told him he should take a bus or wait for Glen, but he was too stubborn as always. I expected him to come home soon, because he promised to make me a hot chocolate, but when an hour passed and he still wasn't home, I got worried. And then we got the call." I stop, remembering every single moment of that day. "My Mom picked it up and when she hung up, I saw the tears running down her face like a waterfall. She totally broke down and wasn't even able to say anything."

I look up at Ashley, who's silently listening to me. "But you know what? I knew it. I knew he was dead. I don't know how, I just did. She didn't have to say anything."

"God, Spence, I'm so sorry," Ashley whispers.

I desperately try to hold back the tears in my eyes. "I couldn't even tell him goodbye. Fuck, these bastards shot him on his way home from school just because he was black!"

I hear her gasp at my words; I guess she didn't expect this and all of a sudden I feel a pair of strong arms around my body, holding me as tightly as before. But now I'm the one crying. I finally let the tears fall down my face and don't try to stop them as I sob into her shoulder. "Shhh, it's gonna be okay, I'm here. I'm here with you," she's whispering into my hair.

And I believe her. I believe that she's going to be there for me.

I don't know why, but I do believe her.


	22. Chapter 22

**22.**

The next morning I wake up late, feeling something holding tightly my waist. I immediately start to freak out, but when the flashback from the last night hits me, I relax in those strong arms, slowly turning myself around to look at her. I thank God that I didn't wake her up, because this is the first time I can see her sleeping. The first time I can see those beautiful brown eyes closed, the first time I see her full lips lightly parted while she's peacefully sleeping, her hand still around my waist.

Last night was…amazing.

No, I didn't sleep with her, you perv.

Yeah okay, sure I would like to, but you know what I mean.

It wasn't the right time.

She just didn't want to leave me all alone, so she called Kyla to tell her that she was staying. God, was I happy.

We went sleep immediately and I loaned her my white top and white shorts to sleep in. I think you can imagine how sexy it looked on her tan body.

Yeah, that _sexy_.

I swear I've never seen anything more sexy.

"Morning." I suddenly hear a murmur coming from those full lips I talked about before.

I give her a warm smile before I reply. "Morning. How did you sleep?"

"Perfect," she smiles. "You?"

"Good."

She frowns. "Just 'good'?"

"Sorry," I grin. "I mean, perfect," I correct myself and watch her get closer to me, burying her head into my shoulder, leaving a soft kiss. I immediately groan and feel her smile into my neck. I'm sure she knows what she's doing to me.

Seriously, it's not cool.

I groan even more when I feel her grasp around my waist strengthen and her lips leave my shoulder, placing soft kisses on my neck now. "Ash," I breathe out and she looks up to see me into eyes.

"Mhmm?" she grins.

"Do you even know what you're doing to me?"

"Mhmm, no, not really," she says with this sly grin on her pretty face and I frown. "I think you should show me." As she says this, the grin slowly fades from her face, changing into something else.

And since I'm a pretty smart girl, I immediately get the point and slowly lean in.

Oh wait, she just stopped me!

As I'm staring at her, I know the confusion is screaming from my face.

"I know I told you I don't want to talk about it, but I have just one question," she starts, and honestly, I have no idea what she's talking about. "Remember when you told me you've never kissed anyone?"

Oh okay, I think I know what she's talking about.

"Yeah?"

"Did you lie about that too? I mean, I know you're already 25 and look at you…you're pretty hot and everything…so…uh…"

"I didn't lie," I say quietly, not letting her finish, and she glances at me with this surprised look on her face.

"You didn't?"

I shake my head and bury it into her shoulder.

"Nope," I mumble, suddenly feeling pretty embarrassed. I just told her I've never been kissed.

How cool.

"Spence…Spencer." I hear her saying my name, so I lift up my head to look her in the eyes again. "It's okay. You don't have to blush," she smiles at me.

And I bury my head into the crook of her neck again.

This really isn't cool.

"So, does that mean I was your first…uh…you know…"

"Yes, you were," I mumble, not sure if she can hear me.

"Oh wow."

So she did hear me.

"Wow," she repeats, and I lift up my head.

"Umm…can you please stop saying "wow"? I know it's pretty embarrassing anyway, so…"

"I'm sorry," she says, tracing my cheek with her thumb. "It's just…I would never have thought nobody ever kissed you. I mean, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met and you're smart and funny and you have the biggest heart…"

This is the moment when I stop her rambling with a hungry, passionate kiss. She doesn't complain, though, as she buries her hand into my hair while I pull her even closer to me by her waist. After a few seconds of hungry kisses, she pulls away to look deeply in my eyes. "You're so beautiful," she whispers before she takes my lips with hers again in a slow, sensual kiss. We're lazily kissing each other and just enjoying each other company, when all of a sudden I feel her licking my bottom lip.

Uh oh.

I slowly but surely start panicking since, obviously, I have no idea what to do with my tongue, but she calms me down when she places her hand on my cheek, caressing it with her thumb, letting me know I don't have to be scared.

And it's helping, because suddenly, I'm not scared to slowly open my mouth and let her warm tongue slip in. First, she just touches my own, wanting me to get used to the feeling, but I decide that I want more from her; I want to feel her. I grab her head and pull her even closer to me, when I feel her begin to massage my tongue with her own. I moan at the feeling, still wanting more. But instead of more, she pulls away and I follow her with a groan.

What the hell?

She just smiles at my frustration, before she moves my body, so now I'm fully laying on my back, watching her hover over me. "You're a great kisser, by the way," she whispers before she leans down, attacking my neck with her mouth.

And let me tell you, it's a great feeling.

She's leaving marks on my neck, not really caring if someone will be able to see them, but maybe, just maybe, she knows it's gonna be visible and she wants people to see. I can't help but let out loud moans, not believing my own mouth. I didn't know I was able to moan that loud. Well, looks like she found my sensitive spot.

After a few moments of attacking my neck, she finally decides to move back to my expectant lips, craving her kiss already.

And she does.

She doesn't wait for anything as she attacks my lips with hers in another hungry kiss and slowly starts moving her body on top of me. It's not long before she's fully lying on top of me, still not pulling away from kiss.

I groan when I feel her lying on me; it's completely a new feeling, and I think I'll get used to it very soon.

But then she tears her lips away from mine with a loud frown.

What? Don't go away!

"You should go answer it."

Huh? Answer what?

I think she sees the confused look on my face as she smiles a little. "The door. Somebody rang the bell. Don't you hear it?"

Umm…no?

Wait, I do. Now.

God damnit.

I let out an annoyed sigh as she gets off of me, lying next to me. "Maybe if we stay quiet, they'll go away," I say hopefully.

But when the ringing continues, I finally get out of bed, get up to answer the door, mumbling, "I swear, I'll kill them," under my breath. Ashley lets out a small laugh, obviously very amused by this situation.

It's not funny, if you ask me.

I was just in the middle of heavy make-out session with Ashley Davies!

With the girl of my dreams!

No really, that is not funny.

So I give her a deadly glare and she immediately stop laughing, mouthing a quiet "sorry" to me.

I make my best deadly glare while I'm walking toward the door, ready to open it and give them what they deserve. Whoever it is.

I take one last deep breath, before I furiously open the door, my mouth open to speak, but when I spot the person standing in front of me, I quickly close my mouth.

I'm screwed.

"Hey baby. I was worried about you when you didn't answer my calls, so I dropped by here to see you."

Meet Brian. My…well, I don't really know what, but what I do know is that he is the sweetest guy ever. The sweetest guy who appears out of nowhere in the worst situation.

"Hey Brian. Umm…I'm fine, really. I was just tired and uh…well…"

Can you leave please?

"Can I come in?" he asks in the sweetest voice ever.

No.

"Uhmm…sure."

I let him in, following him into my living room. "I was really worried, you know. Aiden told me about your brother. Why didn't you tell me, Spence?" he uses this hurt tone in his voice, making me feel guilty.

"I…uh…" I run my hand through my hair. "I guess I just didn't want to talk about it."

"Right. I understand." He comes closer to me. "I just wanted to know if you were okay. Are you okay, Princess?" I nod, watching him get even closer to me, so now we are just a few inches apart. "Good," he says and leans in, evidently wanting a kiss, but I immediately move my head, so he just kisses my cheek. And as I move my head to the side, I spot a person standing behind us.

Ashley.

Shit.

She's already fully clothed and looking at us…well, at me…with a look full of jealousy, disappointment and hurt. And I can't help but stare back. I guess Brian catches my look, because he turns around and notices Ashley standing there too. "Oh, hey Ash. What are you doing here?"

"I'm just leaving," she replies, not tearing her eyes from mine.

Brian looks back at me, then back at her. "Uhmm…did I interrupt something?"

Her cold brown eyes bore into mine. "No, you didn't interrupt anything, Brian. I was just leaving," she says, turns around and walks out of the apartment, shutting the front door behind her.

Looks like I screwed up again.


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N: Thank you very much for all the feedback. _

_I know this chapter is very short and it's basically just a phone call, but believe me, it will be better :) _

**23.**

"_Hey Ash. It's me, Spencer. Look, I know I screwed up again, but I'm sorry, okay? I didn't call him or anything, I didn't even know he'd show up and… Just call me, please."_

"_Ashley, it's me again. I don't know if you didn't get my message or if you're just ignoring me, but please call me."_

"_Yeah, it's me again. I know I'm probably bothering you and I'm sorry for that, but I swear this is my last message. I just wanted to tell you… please, don't be mad at me. I didn't do anything. I didn't let him kiss me. I can't lose you again. Please, just talk to me."_

I left her three messages.

Desperate much?

Yeah, you can say so.

But guess what? She didn't answer any of them.

Yes, I know I should tell him to fuck off right there, but it's not that easy, you know? Brian is the sweetest boy I've ever met and I don't have guts to tell him to fuck off.

Chicken much?

Yes, I know.

But I swear, I'm gonna do it. And I'm gonna do it soon. Like tonight when we have a date?

Hey, don't look at me like that! I told you I'm gonna break up with him!

It's not a _date_ date. Okay, he thinks it is, but I know it's not. It's the time when I'll tell him I don't like him like _that._

* * *

"_Are you fucking kidding me?! You have a date with him?! Spencer, do you have any idea what my sister will do if she finds out? That is like the worst timing ever! She's gonna be pissed as hell. You don't know how pissed she is now."_

"Ky, Kyla calm down, please! I told you I'm gonna break up with him."

"_She's gonna kill you, Spence. If she finds out…"_

"She won't, okay? I won't tell her, you won't tell her and it'll be okay. Everything's gonna be fine. I know she doesn't want to talk to me right now, but when I break up with him, I hope she'll forgive me…again."

"_When do you have the date with him?"_

"Tonight."

"_Where?"_

"His place."

"_No."_

"No?"

"_You can't go to his place."_

"Why not?"

"_Spencer, you cannot go to his place. He could rape you or something… What if he's some kind of a sexual deviant or something and you don't know it? He could kill you. You can't break up with him at his place where you will be all alone."_

"Ky, we won't be alone. He has a dog."

"_Funny. This so isn't time for that."_

"I know, sorry. But seriously, I'm a big girl and I know what I'm doing. Nothing will happen; he's a good boy, believe me."

"_I don't have a good feeling about this, Spence."_

"Don't be worried. I will be careful."

"_Promise?"_

"Promise."

* * *

Maybe she's right. Maybe this really isn't a good idea. Going to his place. What was I thinking when I agreed?

God damnit, I'm 25, but I act like a 15-year-old.

But on the other hand, what can happen? I'm just gonna break up with him and he's a good guy, so nothing will happen, right?

Right?


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N: Another update :p_

_And I really hope you won't be disappointed. Anyway, if you miss Spashley, just wait until the next chapter :)_

**24.**

Okay, I think this wasn't a good idea. This _so_ wasn't a good idea. What do I really know about him? What if Kyla's right and he's some kind of a killer or something?

What if he's gonna kill me?

"Spence… Spence, are you okay?"

I wake up from my thoughts as I feel his warm hand on top of mine, slowly caressing it with his thumb. I immediately relax when he gives me the warmest smile and turns his head back to the road.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

No, he's not a killer. I would know that.

* * *

Soon after, we pull up in front of the biggest house I've ever seen in my entire life. I knew he was rich, but I so didn't know he was _that_ rich.

"That's yours?" I ask him after we get out of the car, still in awe.

I see him grin at my question as he replies, "Actually, it belongs to my parents. But they have another house and they let me live in this one."

God, I want parents like that!

"Oh wow. It's amazing."

"Wait until you see the inside." He takes me by the hand and leads me into the house where we are met by a pair of beautiful golden retrievers.

"I thought you had just one dog," I comment as I kneel down to stroke these two amazing dogs. They've never seen me before, yet they both act like they've known me for their entire lives.

"I do. Bella…" he points at the smaller dog, "is my parents' dog. They're on vacation now, so I'm taking care of her while they're gone. And this one," he points at the other dog, "is Mac; he's mine. They're siblings."

"They're beautiful," I say, laughing as Bella licks my cheek.

"Not as beautiful as you," he adds and I look up at him with red cheeks.

"Thanks."

"You don't have to thank me. It's true. Now come on, I made you dinner," he says, tearing me from the dogs and leading me to the gigantic dining room. I stand in awe again as I spot the candles everywhere around the food, which, by the way, looks incredibly yummy.

And suddenly I feel guilty.

"Brian…uh…you shouldn't have…"

"I know but I wanted to," he cuts me off with a big smile on his freshly shaven face.

"No, seriously, we have to talk…" I start, but he cuts me off again with a soft kiss on my lips.

"Shh, no talking. Just eating." When he spots my look, he corrects himself. "Okay, so first eating then talking?" he asks sweetly and I don't have another choice, so I just nod.

* * *

But I don't regret it.

How could I?

It was the best food I've ever eaten. If only my Mom could cook like that.

"Oh my God, I'm totally full. I don't think I can stand up from the chair now," I say and giggle.

Yeah, maybe I drank too much wine.

I just couldn't help it, since I really don't have the courage to tell him "bye bye" when I'm sober. And alcohol gives me courage.

"You don't have to stand up, I'm gonna carry you," he says and immediately is right there next to me, lifting me up into his arms.

I giggle again. "You're so strong."

Yeah, I really drank too much.

He carries me into the living room, gently placing me on the giant couch and sitting down next to me. "You wanted to talk?"

Talk?

Oh yeah, I want to talk.

"Yeaaaah. Umm… I wanted to talk, because… uh… well…you remember Ashley, right?" He nods. "Good, cause I remember her too, you know," I giggle again. "So yeah, anyway. She's really a great girl, really. The best girl ever. Well, except Madison, because she's my best friend and all… and yeah, where was I? Oh right, so Ashley and I… well… me and Ashley…" I stutter and finally take a deep breath. "I kinda love her, you know."

Now you should see his shocked face.

Or rather not.

"Love her?"

"Yes."

"Love like _love_?"

"Yup."

He runs his hand through his hair. "Oh wow. Wait… does that mean you're dumping me?"

Smart boy.

"Look, Brian. You're the sweetest…and hottest boy ever, but I think I'm not into that kind of thing…"

"What kind of thing?" he asks stupidly.

"Boys."

"Oh wow." I wonder if he realizes that he's repeating himself. "I mean wow." Nope, he isn't. "That's so hot."

Wait, what?

"What?"

"Sorry, I just…wait, I _did_ interrupt something this morning, didn't I?" he asks suspiciously.

"Uh… kinda." I blush.

"I so knew it. The way you were looking at each other. That was so hot," he grins.

Eww. Typical boy.

"So you aren't mad at me?" I ask him shyly.

He glances at me, amused. "No, of course I'm not. I like you a lot and if we can't be together, we can be at least friends, right?" he asks and gives me one of his smiles.

I return the smile. "Of course we can. I'd like that."

"Come here." He opens his arms and I happily hug him, burying my head into his chest. We pull apart after a moment, just smiling at each other, until he breaks the silence. "So… can I join sometime?"


	25. Chapter 25

_A/N: Update update update!_

_Ha!_

_I'm so cool, I know._

_Anyway, just like I promised, there's Spashley. Actually, only Spashley, lol. Thank you VERY much for every single feedback. I love them, I swear._

_Mhmm, so yeah, enjoy._

**25.**

I take another deep breath before shyly knocking on Davies' front door. I told Brian to take me here instead of home after our "date" because I wanted to tell Ashley as soon as possible.

So what if it's already 10 PM?

I hope they're not sleeping.

Maybe I should have rung the bell instead. What if they didn't hear it?

Fuck, is it raining?

"Spence? What are you doing here?"

"I broke up with him," I breathe out, feeling kind of sick.

"Oh wow, come in." She tugs me by the shirt, leading me into the huge living room and I immediately slump down on the couch with a heavy sigh. "So he didn't rape you or anything?" she asks as she sits down next to me.

I quickly shake my head. "No. He took it pretty well, actually."

"Really?" she asks, surprised.

"Yeah, really," I nod. "So…" I look around the room. "Is Ashley home?"

I spot the grin on Kyla's pretty face as I ask. "Yeah. She's in the garden."

"Garden? It's raining outside," I say, as if she didn't know.

I hear her sigh. "I know. Don't ask, my sister is crazy sometimes. Anyway," she stands up off the couch, taking her bag from the table. "I'm leaving, so have fun with her."

"What?" I stand up too. "Where are you going?"

"Angel's place. I'm staying the night." She's walking towards the door, but then she stops and turns around. "Oh, I almost forgot. They miss you," she tells me softly.

"Huh?"

"Angel and Chris. They miss you, you know. I think you should hang out with us sometime. And by sometime I mean soon. I miss the old times, Spencer," she says, the sadness in her voice evident, and before I know what I'm doing, I make my way toward her, pulling her into a tight hug.

"I miss you guys, too," I whisper into her shoulder. "So much."

We pull apart after a while and I notice a small smile on her face. "Have fun tonight," she smirks. "Love you," she says, kissing my cheek before turning around and leaving me alone standing in the hallway.

Show time.

I slowly make my way to the back door and step into the garden, immediately noticing a small silhouette sitting on the bench. It's raining outside, but she doesn't look like she minds. She's just sitting there, looking at the dark sky, the raindrops falling into her face.

God, she's so beautiful.

After a while just watching her, I finally gather my courage and walk toward her, shyly sitting next to her. She doesn't even looks like she noticed I'm there; she's still staring at the sky.

"I broke up with him," I say quietly into the dark.

No response.

"I know I screwed up again."

No response.

"And you're apparently mad at me. Again. I'm sorry. Again."

Still nothing.

I let out a heavy sigh. I hoped that I'd get at least some response from her.

"I hear that word a lot from you, you know," she finally says.

I turn my head toward her, staring at her with confusion written all over my face. She still isn't looking at me. "Sorry. The word you use a lot."

"I know and I'm sorry," I use the word again. "I just tend to fuck up stuff often, you know? I'm so bad at making the right decision," I confess, staring ahead.

Then she finally turns her head to me. The raindrops are still falling into her face and her hair is all wet, but I swear I've never seen her look more beautiful. "You're not bad at it. You just have to learn some things," she says honestly.

I give her a hopeful smile. "Will you be my teacher?"

She immediately returns the smile as she answers. "I'd love to." After a second, she suddenly stands up, holding out her hand. "Come with me," she orders softly as I'm staring at her and her hand, but then I finally stand up, taking her soft hand into mine.

"Where are we going?" I ask while she's leading me to the back of the garden.

It's a huge garden, by the way.

"You'll see."

Oookay?

After a while walking in the rain, I spot a huge tree house on top of an even bigger tree at the very end of the garden.

"You don't want me to go up there, do you?" I ask with an obvious fear in my voice.

Didn't I mention it? I'm afraid of heights.

Since I was a child, I've been terrified of them.

A lot.

"Don't be scared, you'll like it, I promise." She smiles at me and squeezes my hand.

"I…I don't like heights," I say as we're standing under the tree.

"Don't be scared. I'll be right behind you," she tells me and gently pushes me in front of her. I shakily grasp the rope ladder with my hands and slowly begin to climb. In the middle, I look down to see Ashley right behind me as she said, but nothing else beneath her.

Jesus Christ, we're high.

And we're not even at the top.

I'm gonna die.

I'm gonna die.

Oh God.

Oh God, oh God, oh God.

"Spencer, don't look down!"

"I can't move," I whisper in panic, not moving an inch. It feels like my body is frozen.

"Yes, you can. Step after step, don't hurry. I'm right behind you, I promise," her gentle voice encourages me keep climbing and I finally find the last pieces of my courage and slowly begin to climb again.

"You're great, Spencer. Just step after step. Slowly," she's saying over and over until I finally reach a wooden floor. I let out a happy and relieved sigh when we're both slumped on the floor.

"Did you want to kill me?" I hiss, glaring at her.

She gives me a wink before replying. "No, not really. I'm sorry, I just wanted to show you this place."

"It's okay," I tell her after I calm down a little and look around. "So what's so magical about this place?"

"My Dad built this for Kyla and I. Well, especially for me, since Kyla's always scared of heights, just like you," she grins. "Come on," she takes my hand, pulling me to my feet and leads me to the other side of the tree house.

"Wow," I breathe out as I spot the view in front of me. You can see a big part of Los Angeles right before you, and you are just in the garden on a tree house.

How great is it?

"Yeah, I know." She sits down on the wooden floor, telling me to do the same. We are sitting there, just looking at the view in front of us while the rain is continuing outside. "I used to come here when I felt miserable," she says after a period of silence. "It always cheered me up, you know. Just watching the world in front of me, it was nice." She shivers a little. "I don't do it so often anymore. I don't know why, maybe I just grew up."

This time it's me who shivers when the cold air runs through my body. "Are you cold?" she asks with concern.

"A little bit," I admit, hugging myself. She then stands up, ready to leave me there alone. "Where are you going?"

"I'll be right back," she replies and then she's gone.

After couple of minutes, she finally comes back with a bag on her back. She starts pulling out a couple of blankets and hands me one of them while she spreads the rest on the floor. But then she stops for a second, turning her head towards me. "Or do you want to go inside? I mean, we can, I know it's raining at all and I don't want you to get sick, so…"

"Ashley," I cut off her rambling as she looks at me, her head tilted. "It's okay, I want to stay here."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Cool." She gives me her best smile and I can't help but smile back. I open my arms to let her know she should come under the blanket with me and she does, with a big grin on her pretty face.

"Better?" she asks me after we both are under the blanket, very close to each other.

"Yeah, much better," I whisper honestly.

"Spencer?"

"Mhmm?"

"Why didn't you tell me the truth about your job?" she asks suddenly.

I let out a heavy sigh, knowing it's time to be honest.

"I was scared."

"Of what? Me?" She looks at me, the confusion written all over her face.

"No… Yes… Maybe… I don't know." I take a short pause before continuing. "You know, my high school times weren't really great. Actually, it was horrible. I used to be an outsider that everyone just ignored. No friends, no boyfriends…or girlfriends, nothing. When I returned, I thought it would be the same, but it wasn't. I had real friends. I had _you_." I glance at her, seeing her staring at me, listening to every word I say. "It was something I always wanted but never had. It was the life I always wanted to live, but never did. I think I just didn't want to lose it. It was the first time I was really happy with my life and the way I lived it."

"But if you would have told me, it would've been so much easier. For both of us," she whispers, not tearing her eyes from me.

"I know. Don't think I didn't want to tell you. But first, I was scared, because I was undercover and my boss would've killed me and then…I was scared of your reaction. And as you could see, I was right," I finish with a frown, remembering those times.

Not something I want to think about right now.

"I was pissed because you didn't tell me the truth. I just heard it accidentally. For real, that wasn't the way I imagined it," she snaps back.

I let out a tired sigh. "Ash, do we have to argue right now?"

"No. I'm sorry," she says softly, turning her head back before her and the silence spreads around us again.

Until I decide to break it again. "Tell me about your high school times."

"There's nothing much to talk about," she says, trying to hide the sadness in her voice.

But I'm not stupid.

"Are you sure?"

"I want to forget about high school," she finally speaks after a while.

"Why?"

"Because… it was the first time I had my heart broken."

"Oh. I'm sorry," I whisper, placing my hand on top of hers. She turns her head back to me, giving me a weak smile. "You want to talk about it?"

She directs her stare back at the view in front of us. "No, not now. Maybe later."

"Okay."

"Spencer?"

"Mhmm?"

"When did you realize you liked girls?"

Ooookay, this wasn't a question I expected.

But I think the answer is easy.

"When I met you," I reply honestly, making her snap her head in my direction with wide eyes.

"Really?"

"Really," I smile. "Well…okay, I wanted to marry my best friend Holly when I was eight, but that doesn't count," I admit, making her laugh. "What about you?"

"When I was 15 and fell in love with my best friend."

Again, the sadness in her voice is so evident.

"She broke your heart?"

She doesn't answer first, but after I gently squeeze her hands, she finally admits it. "Yeah."

I don't ask her more. I know she doesn't want to talk about it and I want to give her time. Maybe one day she will tell me. And until then, I can wait.

"Isn't this beautiful?" she breaks the silence. "Just you, me and the rain."

"Yeah," I answer truthfully. "Beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you," she smiles at me, making me blush with her words. She extends her hand to softly touch my face. "Don't blush. It's true."

"It's not. I'm not beautiful."

She frowns, taking her hand back. "What? Of course you are. I swear, Spencer, you're the most beautiful girl I know. And believe me, I know a lot of them," she adds playfully, making me gasp.

"What?"

She let out an amused laugh. "I'm just kidding, Spence. Wait a minute…" she looks at me suspiciously. "Are you jealous?"

"No."

"You are."

"I'm not."

"You so ARE!" she starts laughing, while I'm glaring at her and frowning at the same time.

She's sooo full of herself.

"Well…it wasn't me who was giving a deadly glare when Brian kissed me," I proclaim with a smirk on my face after she finally stops laughing.

"Ugh, don't remind me about that douche bag, please."

"Hey! Be nice! He isn't a bad guy. Actually, he took it pretty well when I told him I lo…like you."

Oh shit!

Shit shit shit!

Did I almost say I loved her?

Shit!

I can see the big grin on her face when she realizes what I just almost said, but luckily, she decides to ignore it.

"Well…okay, then he can't be that bad." She snuggles even closer to me, intensely staring me in the eye. "Spencer?" she whispers into the dark.

"Yeah?" I can't even breathe as I feel her cold breath softly touching my face.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Y--yes," I stutter.

Why does she make me nervous?

It's not like it's our first kiss or something.

So why am I so damn nervous?

I can't think anymore as I feel her soft lips on mine and her hand on my cheek, gently caressing it. I immediately moan at the feeling of her hot tongue in my mouth and place one of my hands behind her neck and the other behind her waist, pulling her closer to me. Our mouths are dancing in the same rhythm, exploring each other and suddenly I'm not cold anymore. "I love kissing you," she mumbles into the kiss before taking my lips with hers again.

Me too, Ashley. Me too.

* * *

_So? Do you love me now?_

_Well, maybe you'll love me even more, since in the next chapter there will be maybeee some NC-17 stuff. Lol, who knows...?_


	26. Chapter 26

_A/N: Guess what?_

_I'm giving you an update! I'm sorry it took so long._

_Uhmm...as I promised, this chapter is NC-17. And uh...I know it probably sucks a lot, but it's my first time writing something like this, so bear with me, please. I'll be better, I promise, lol._

_Next time._

**26.**

I don't really know how exactly I find myself lying on my back with Ashley on top of me with her hands under my shirt, hungrily attacking my neck with her lips and teeth.

Aren't we going a little too fast?

You could say that…

But hell, I so don't mind.

Wait…what's that?

Why am I vibrating?

"Ugh," I hear her annoyed murmuring when she tears her lips away from my neck, frowning. "You should pick it up."

"What?" I ask, staring at her confusedly.

"Your phone."

Oh, that's the vibrating in my pants.

"Hello?" I say harshly into the phone, annoyed by the interruption.

"_Spence?"_

Madison.

"Yeah, Mads?"

"_What are you doing? You sound weird…"_

"I'm… uh… I'm kinda busy right now, Maddie. Can we talk later?"

"_Ohhh, busy, huh? With whom?"_

"No one."

"_Righttt. So Ashley's around, huh? You having fun?"_ I hear her laugh.

"Shut up."

"_Come on, Spenceee. I know you're with her…"_

"Bye, Madison," I quickly hang up, giving the person next to me an apologetic look. "Sorry, it was Madison. She's kinda nosey."

"It's okay," she smiles. "It's getting odd that we're always interrupted."

"Yeah," I sigh heavily. "I so don't like these interruptions."

"Really?" She grins.

"Really."

"Why not?"

"Because… uh… I like being with you alone," I tell her honestly, shyly glancing down, unable to look her in the eye.

"You do?" I hear the amused tone of her voice.

"Yeah."

"Well… that's cool, because I kinda like being with you alone too," she whispers and I finally look at her, frowning.

"Kinda?"

"A lot?"

God, she looks so damn cute trying to fix it. It's hard to be mad at her.

"You better," I answer, pretending to be mad.

OMG, is she pouting?

"Are you pouting?"

"Is it helping?" she winks at me and a big grin appears on her face.

"Not a little bit."

"Mhmm, no?" she leans in to whisper in my very sensitive ear, making me gulp.

Hard.

"N--no."

"What about this?" she whispers again, and starts nibbling my earlobe.

"A--Ash."

"Yeah?"

I don't answer, though. Instead I turn my head toward her, immediately taking her soft lips with mine, gently nibbling her bottom lip with my teeth. She moans as I lay her on her back, placing myself on top of her, not tearing my lips from her. I try to kiss her slowly, soft and lazy, but she seems to want more as she licks my bottom lip, desperately begging for entrance. I gladly accept. After a while, I feel her hands tangle up in my hair, trying to pull me as close to her as possible. I let my hands wander along her perfect body, touching her skin through her still wet shirt, wanting to feel her. I pull away from kiss for a moment, desperate for air and stare at her flushed face and her dark eyes staring back at me. We are just staring at each other until she suddenly moves her body, switching our positions, now I'm the one on the back and she's on top of me. She places her hand on my cheek, brushing her thumb over the skin. "Spence?"

"Yeah?"

"I want you," she whispers in all honesty, not hiding anything.

I think she sees the look in my eyes; a look full of uncertainty and fear, but desire and want at the same time, because she smiles, still caressing my cheek with her thumb. "If you're not ready, it's okay. I don't want to pressure you. I know you're still a…"

"Ashley?" I cut her off.

"Yeah."

"I want you too."

I see her smile widely at me before she takes my lips with hers again in the most passionate kiss we've ever shared, longing for each other's touch and not wanting to pull away even for a second. We kiss for a while until she decides to tear her mouth away from mine, ducking her head down to meet my bare neck. I let out a quiet moan as her wet lips meet with the skin, first softly kissing it, then hungrily sucking and biting. I grab her head to pull her again to my waiting mouth, when she places both of her hands under my wet shirt, causing me to shiver at her touch. She pulls away from the kiss again and sits up to straddle me, silently telling me with her eyes to sit up too. I do what she wants me to, not breaking our eye contact, and she reaches her hands and very slowly starts to unbutton the shirt I'm wearing. Neither of us breaks the stare as she unbuttons the last button on my shirt and I help her to take it off.

Just then I finally realize that I'm almost topless in front of someone and I blush furiously, trying to cross my hands across my chest, but she immediately stops me. "Don't." I look at her with my red cheeks. "Please," she whispers into the dark, putting her hands on mine and pulling them away from my chest. Even though it's dark, I can see her eyes slowly traveling along my body, hungrily eyeing every part of it. Then, she looks at me again with a small smile on her beautiful face and in a quick movement takes her own shirt off, throwing it away. I'm mesmerized by her body as I watch her chest moving with every breath she takes. We're both breathing heavily as I painfully, slowly reach my hand forward to gently touch her naked skin while she's watching every single move I make. She freezes when my hand finally touches her stomach, but immediately relaxes when I let my fingers travel up and down her torso. "Spence," she breathes out, closing her eyes. I'm not even able to make a sound when my fingers brush the skin around her bra, just a piece of black material stopping me from touching the skin beneath it. She finally opens her dark eyes to look at me, both of us shivering.

I'm not sure if it's because we're cold or because we're hot.

But I do know that suddenly I don't feel the cold when she takes my hands into hers and places them behind her back, silently asking me to do what I want so badly. I'm not so unsure as I slowly begin to unclasp her black lace bra while we're still deeply looking into each other's eyes. Neither of us wants to break the contact. However, I do break it while I'm taking down the straps from her shoulders, my eyes fixed on the sight in front of me.

God, she's so beautiful.

"You're so beautiful," I mumble, moving my eyes back to hers as I finally take off her bra completely, immediately touching the bare skin beneath and causing her to gasp. It doesn't take long before she hungrily links our lips again, our tongues brushing right there. I feel her hands reach behind my back, quickly unhooking my baby blue bra, all without breaking the kiss.

Looks like someone is impatient.

I like it.

I'm sure you would too.

"Impatient much?" I mumble into the kiss, not really wanting to pull away from those delicate lips.

"Uh huh," is all she can manage, but then she breaks the kiss. "Am I going too fast?" she whispers with a raspy voice. "I mean, if you think I'm taking things too fast, just tell me, I don't want…"

"Ashley!" I cut her off, looking at her confused face. "It's okay. I've been waiting for this moment 25 years; I think we're going just right." A smile appears on her face. "Now kiss me," I order and she immediately obeys, sliding her hands into my hair and moving our bodies to lay on the blanket while she settles herself on top of me.

She doesn't kiss me again, though. Instead, she's staring at my body, while I'm shivering beneath her. It's not from the cold, though. It's because of her eyes, which are staring at me so intensely, like never before. Neither of us say a word as she reaches her hand forward to touch my naked skin. "So beautiful," I hear her murmur to herself before she lowers her head to kiss my bare stomach. I immediately moan at the feeling, at something I've never experienced before. "Beautiful," she murmurs again, placing another soft kiss above my jeans and starts playing with my belt. With her hands on my belt, she glances in my direction, looking for approval and I nod, wanting her continue. She slowly begins to unbuckle my belt and pull down the zipper, before ridding me of my jeans and underwear so I'm completely naked beneath a still half-clothed Ashley.

"These," I tug on her jeans, "have to go. Now." She nods, taking her jeans and underwear off in a quick movement so I can take a look at her uncovered body.

And let me tell you, I've never seen anything more beautiful.

She's a goddess. A goddess with incredibly soft skin, long tan legs and the sexiest stomach I've ever seen.

Yes, I know I'm repeating myself.

She blushes a little while I'm checking her out, so I smile at her before placing my hands behind her neck to pull her down on me again. That is the moment when our naked bodies touch for the first time. The moment when we both freeze and gasp at the feeling.

The moment when I feel something I've never felt before.

The moment when I know I can't change my mind.

I don't want to change my mind.

It's the moment when I know I want this; I want _her. _

And I'm not scared anymore.

"God," she moans, closing her eyes. Then she opens them again to look at me, her eyes fixed on me while she lifts her hand and starts caressing my cheek with her fingers. Her face is all serious as she asks huskily, "Are you sure about this?" I just nod, not tearing my eyes from her as she leans in to kiss me softly on the lips. She lowers her head to kiss my chin, my neck, my chest and my breasts.

Oh God, my _breasts!_

I quickly look down at her as she glances up at me, smiling sweetly before she returns to my breast, leaving soft, wet kisses there and then takes her hand, slowly massaging it, but still continuing kissing. "Jesus Christ," I let out a moan and feel her smile. After a moment, she very slowly makes her way with her wet lips to my nipple, still massaging the other breast with her soft hand.

"God!" I yell and arch my back up when I feel her hot mouth on my right nipple, gently sucking on it.

Was it supposed to be _that_ good?

"Arghh," I moan again as she starts using her teeth along with her wet tongue. "Jesus…" I grasp the blanket under me, desperately needing to hold onto something…anything.

God, I hope I'm not just dreaming.

If I'm dreaming, I'll be mad.

Because this…this is fucking good.

"Ashley," she says with a smirk as she stops, moving her eyes up. "My name is Ashley," she repeats, seeing my confused eyes.

Oh please, don't try to be funny now.

It's so not the right time.

"Hush," I tell her before I reach my hand down to take her by the neck, pulling her back up to me, longing for her lips on mine again. I kiss her with a passion, hoping she knows what I feel for her without using words, just from this kiss and many other kisses I'm ready to give her.

_And_ other things I'm ready to give her…

Suddenly, she presses her hips down and slowly but surely starts grinding onto me. My eyes immediately grow wide and I let out another loud moan into the kiss, then breaking it as I lean my head back on the blanket. With my eyes closed, I'm listening to my moaning mixing with Ashley's as she continues rocking into me, every now and then whispering my name into the dark. Then again, she places both of her hands on my breasts, gently massaging one of them while making small circles around my nipple on the other one.

This is pure torture.

"Ashleyyy," I groan as she continues torturing me. "Stop teasing!"

"Mkay," she replies, smiling at me slyly and starts lowering her body, kissing her way down my body, until I find her head between my legs.

Uh oh.

She gently spreads my legs apart, leaving soft kisses on my inner thighs.

"Ashhh," I moan her name, knowing it turns her on.

Teasing.

I officially hate teasing.

And then, all of a sudden I feel her hot breath and her lips leave a soft kiss where I wanted them the most.

And my body arches.

She's leaving soft, wet kisses on my center, and my body's arching, my hands desperately holding the blanket and my mouth letting out deep moans.

Then it happens.

I feel her wet tongue touch my aching center and my body immediately responds when it starts trembling. My eyes tightly closed as I bury my hands into her hair. "Jesus," is the only word I'm able to say.

She carefully begins to lick, then suck, then lick and suck at the same time, while my I tremble beneath her, my hips lifting up to give her better access. After a while, I feel my whole body start uncontrollably shaking, and seconds after, I explode into her mouth, causing her to let out deep groans of pleasure. She climbs back to me, softly kissing me on the lips so I can taste myself and it turns me on even more. I think she can see the darkness in my eyes, as I'm finally able to open them and look in her smiling eyes. Suddenly I feel her hand making its way down my shaking body until she reaches my still aching center with her fingers. "Ash," I gasp as she begins to tease me again with her fingers making small circles around my clit. "D--don't t--tease!" I finally say and let my hands slip behind her back. I know I'm leaving scratches there, but honestly I don't care at all. The only thing I care about right now is Ashley and her teasing fingers.

Bad fingers.

Oh God, good fingers.

"Fuck, you're so wet," I hear her growl into my ear as she finally stops teasing my clit and slips one of her long slim fingers inside of me. She immediately begins to pump in and out of me, her thumb not leaving my clit. I jump a little as she slowly adds a second finger and speeds up her tempo. My hands are still leaving scratches on her back and I can hear her moans into my ear, saying my name over and over.

And let me tell you, it's fucking sexy.

"F--faster," I manage to groan and she immediately obeys, speeding up her pace even more.

After a while, we both can feel my body start shaking again, my moans louder and her name coming from my mouth more often.

"Ashleyyyyy!" One last moan comes from my lips as I come harder than before with Ashley above me. She slowly takes her fingers out of me and places herself next to me, covering both of us with the blanket. She puts her hand around my still shaking body, pulling me closer to her. After a few minutes, I'm finally able to control my body and turn around to face the beauty lying next to me. She's staring at me with her dark brown eyes and even though it's dark, I can see the tired smile on her face. We're just looking at each other, neither of us saying a word until Ashley reaches her hand to tuck my wet hair behind my ear. "You're so beautiful," she whispers, tracing her finger over my cheek. "Spencer, I lo…"

Then the fucking cell phone starts vibrating.

Fuck!

Fuck fuck fuck!

She almost told me she loved me!

After the incredible sex we just had, she almost told me she loved me!

ALMOST!

Fuck!

"You should pick it up," she says with a heavy sigh, and I reach my hand to grab my phone with an annoyed groan.

"What?!" I say harshly into the phone, not even checking who it is. "What? Angel, I can't hear you, please slow down! Yes, she's with me, why? What?! Oh God, no. Yeah, we'll be there in a few minutes…Yeah, bye." I hang up with an obvious panic in my eyes.

"What?" She's already in a sitting position, looking at me in fear. "What happened, Spence?"

"Kyla…"


	27. Chapter 27

**27.**

"My sister, Kyla Davies is here. She…she had an accident."

Normally it takes an hour to arrive to the emergency room. With Ashley and her car it took half that.

Talk about dangerous driving.

The nurse sympathetically looks at us from behind her glasses and then looks back at the computer. "Davies. She's been in surgery now. You can wait there." She points at the waiting room with not so comfortable chairs.

"Ashley!" We both quickly turn around to spot a very frightened and dirty Angel standing in the waiting room, looking at us with watery eyes. We run toward her and she immediately throws herself into Ashley's arms, sobbing as Ashley holds her tightly, gently caressing her hair. "I…she…we almost killed her," she manages to say between sobs. Ashley and I look at each other with confusion in our eyes. She finally let go of Ashley and tries to explain. "W--we went to McDonald's a--and t--then we started arguing a--as always a--and she tried to stop us and then I remember j--just the light and then it went all black," she finishes, bursting into tears again.

Wait.

_We?_

"Chris," I breathe out, already feeling the panic in my body as I desperately turn around, searching for him. I finally notice a familiar silhouette sitting in the chair, his head in his hands, not registering anything. I immediately make my way toward him, leaving Ashley with Angel. When I finally reach him, I quietly sit down next to him, whispering his name, but he doesn't seem to even notice that I'm there. I try once again, but this time I also carefully put my hand on his back. He jerks a little, finally looking at me.

And I gasp.

His whole face is covered in blood, running from his eyebrow. His lip is cut and his eyes…his eyes are completely blank. He doesn't even seem to notice me, but still keeps staring at me, not saying a word.

"Chris? Are you okay?" I ask quietly.

Great question, dumbass.

Of course he is not okay!

He continues blankly staring at me, still not saying a word, so I move my hand from his back to his hand, running my thumb over the skin. "You're hurt, you have to see a doctor," I try again.

Still nothing.

"Chris," I say pleadingly. "Talk to me."

"I killed her," he finally whispers, his eyes slowly starting to fill with tears. "I killed her," he repeats, the tears already streaming down his injured face. "I killed Kyla!" he says for the last time, almost screaming it, and I finally force my body to move, wrapping both of my hands around his body, tightly holding his shaking torso.

"_I killed her."_

He's whispering those words between sobs over and over, even though I'm quietly trying to tell him he's wrong. Nothings helping, he's still saying the same thing.

She's not dead.

She can't die.

God, please, not her.


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N: Hey all!_

_I just wanted to thank you for your feedback, I love every single one and it keeps me continuing this story. I'm really happy you all are enjoying this, even though I'm leaving such cliffhangers. I know you all hate them and I cant blame you, I usually hate them too. But somehow, I love writing them. I'm such a dork, I know. Forgive me?_

_Anyway, in this chapter isn't a cliffhanger. That's good, right? Right? Lol. _

_Yeah and one more thing. In the next chapter there will come out one big secret. Okay, maybe it's not that big, but still…it's a secret. You want to guess what it will be? :p Because I'm curious to hear your guesses, lol._

_Anyway, enjoy :)_

* * *

**28.**

Ashley and Angel walk over to us, both sitting down on the uncomfortable chairs. I notice Ashley's face, white as a sheet but not showing any emotion.

Isn't she scared?

Isn't she terrified?

Isn't she worried about her sister?

"T--they told us she might die," Angel stutters, her voice still weak from crying. "S--she can't die." She looks at me with puffy big eyes.

She isn't this laid-back teenager I know anymore. No, now she's just a little girl terrified for her best friend. A little girl who needs some adult to tell her it will be okay, that everything will be okay.

But what if I'm not the adult she needs?

"She won't die, Angel," I finally speak, her blue eyes boring into mine. Then I tell her the only thing she wants to know, the only thing she _needs_ to know. "It's gonna be okay. She's gonna be okay, I promise."

"Excuse me," I hear from Ashley and watch her quickly stand up and head towards the bathroom. I turn to Angel, silently telling her to stay there with Chris and follow Ashley to the bathroom, knowing she's not okay even though she isn't showing it.

I find her sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall and tightly hugging her knees against her chest. I immediately kneel down next to her. "Ash? Ash, are you okay?"

God, what's wrong with you today, girl?

Does she look like she's okay?

I don't think so.

"Leave me alone," is the only sentence she hisses, not even looking at me.

Well…I didn't expect that.

"No, I won't leave you alone. I can't leave you alone. Ashley, come on, she will be okay…"

Suddenly I see the deadly glare coming from her. "How? How can you know that? How can you know that she will be okay? Huh? Tell me, Spencer, _how?"_

Even though she's saying that in a harsh tone, I can feel that she also is just a little girl now, a girl who wants someone to tell her it's gonna be okay. But this time, she needs someone to tell her _how _it's gonna be okay.

And this time, I don't have an answer for that.

"I…I don't know," I sigh. "I'm not a doctor, Ashley. But I know that she will be okay. She's a strong person and I don't believe that she's gonna give up. Not now, not ever. Understand?" I say in a tone that doesn't accept any objections.

Her features soften, letting out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm just scared, Spence. She's the only family I have. I love her so much." Her voice breaks, but she's desperately trying not to cry. "I can't lose her. Not her… I've already lost too much." The tears are streaming down her face and I feel my own start, but I quickly wipe them off, because this time I want to be the strong one, I _need_ to be the strong one. So instead of crying, I drop down to my knees, pulling a sobbing Ashley into my arms. I don't know if it's helping at all, but I do know that a hug is what she needs right now.

Besides her sister.

After couple of minutes, we finally leave the bathroom and return to Angel and Chris, noticing that their parents have already arrived. I see Chris' dad trying to tell him he needs a doctor and I see Chris resolutely shaking his head, saying he's not going anywhere. I see Chris' mom whispering to her husband to leave him alone. And I see his dad heavily sigh and sit down next to his son, putting his head into his hands as well.

On the other side, I see Angel's mom tightly holding her daughter as she cries in her arms, softly stroking her hair. I see Angel's dad standing above them, looking incredibly sad, but happy at the same time. Happy that his daughter is alive. Hurt but still alive.

And then I look at Ashley, standing next to me. She has red and puffy eyes from crying, her whole body looking tired and drawn. I gently take her hand into mine, interwining our fingers as we both notice a couple of doctors heading toward us.

And one of them is my mom.

This is the moment when I should immediately release our fingers, but instead, I give her hand a gentle squeeze as we're watching the doctors approaching us with their heads down. I spot the surprised look on my Mother face as she finally recognizes me and then watch her even more surprised look as she stops her eyes at our linked fingers. She slowly moves her eyes back to us, distrustfully staring at Ashley and then at me. Neither of us say a word, until Ashley, unaware of what's going on, breaks the silence. "Are you Kyla's doctor?" she asks quietly. Mom finally tears her cold eyes from me, giving her full attention to the miserable person standing right next to me.

"Yes. I'm Doctor Carlin," she says formally. I feel Ashley look my way as she hears Mom's name, but she turns her head back as my Mom speaks again. "Are you family?"

"I'm her sister."

Mom nods. "Well, Miss…" she looks at her questioningly.

"Ashley. Ashley Davies."

"Well, Miss Davies, your sister has been seriously injured. She had many injuries, but we managed to stop the internal bleeding."

Ashley nods, silently listening to every word. "Is she… will she be okay?"

I hear Mom sigh. "I don't know. We did everything we could. Now it's in her hands. But she is a strong girl and I know she can make it," she proclaims honestly.

"Can I… Can I see her?" Ashley asks, shyly looking at Mom, and she nods.

"Yes. But just for a few minutes. She's sleeping now. Come with me, I'll take you to her room," she says before she turns around, not giving me another look. Ashley looks at me with an apologetic smile and I just give her a kiss on the cheek, telling her to go.

After they leave, I slump down on the chair, but it doesn't take long before Angel and Chris are in front of me, both of them wanting to know what's going on with their best friend. I calm them down by telling them what my mom said.

"Do you…do you think Ashley hates us?" Chris asks shyly, his features showing fear.

I look up at him, confused. "What? Of course she doesn't hate you. Why would you think something like that?"

"We almost killed her sister. It was our fault. If…if we weren't arguing, nothing would have happened," he says matter of factly.

"Chris…" I start, taking his shaking hand into mine. "It wasn't your fault. It was nobody's fault. Things like that happen sometimes. Okay?" He slowly nods, though I'm not sure if he really believes me or if he's just trying to convince himself.

We all lift up our heads as we hear footsteps behind us and spot Ashley and my mom walking toward us. Ashley's looking even more miserable than before, her whole body hunched as she takes slow steps toward me and slumps down on the chair with a heavy sigh as she reaches us. "Spencer, can I talk to you?" I hear Mom ask sternly.

"Yeah," I answer quietly, leaving Ashley with Chris and Angel as I follow my mother to her office.

"Do you know the injured girl?" she asks right after I close the door behind me.

"Yes."

"Is she your friend or something?"

I nod. "Yes."

She sits down on her chair, crossing her arms across her chest and suspiciously staring at me. "And her sister?"

"What about her?" I ask innocently, staring right back at her.

"Is she your friend too?"

"Uhmm…" I stutter, not really knowing what to say. Should I tell her the truth? Is it the right time for this?

"Uhmm what, Spencer? I asked you one simple question. Is that girl, Ashley, your friend?" she asks sternly.

I should tell her.

I mean, I can't lie to her.

"Yes."

Okay, I can.

She squints one of her eyes. I don't think she believes a word of it. "Since when do you hold hands with your friends?"

I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

"I…uh…she was scared. I just tried to soothe her."

The stern look doesn't leave her face as she frowns. "Right." She waves her hand. "You can leave now. I have some work to do."

"Okay," I obediently nod, turning around to leave.

"Wait." She stops me before I can walk out of her office. I slowly turn around, waiting for the question that I know is coming. "What about that nice boy, Brian? You should bring him again sometime. He seems to be a really great guy. Maybe he's the one." Her features soften as she winks at me.

Pfft, sure.

"We broke up," I tell her honestly, and see her gasp in shock.

"Why?" she breathes out.

"Apparently he wasn't the one," I say sarcastically before I turn around and finally walk out of the room, leaving her with her mouth wide open.


	29. Chapter 29

_A/N: Time for next chapter! _

_I'm sorry for the delay, though. But BIG "thank you" for your feedback._

_Anyway, the secret comes out. _

_Enjoy._

**29.**

It's been three days.

Three days since the accident, three days since we haven't left the hospital and three days since Kyla tumbled into a coma.

It's been three days since anything was okay.

* * *

I'm watching Ashley, who fell asleep on the chairs in the waiting room after sitting on another one in Kyla's room, not wanting to leave her for a second. Only after a long talk and me promising her I will be with Kyla did she finally agree to leave her side at least for a couple of minutes, and she fell asleep immediately.

I gently place a blanket on her and glance to the side where I find Angel and Chris, snuggled next to each other, also sleeping. They haven't left the hospital for three days either, none of us wanting to leave Kyla alone even for a minute.

I slowly stand up and make my way toward Kyla's room, where I find her just like I found her a couple of hours ago when I last saw her, sleeping with a bandage around her head. She has bandages almost everywhere and if I didn't know her, I think I wouldn't believe it was her. Her face is full of cuts and bruises, but they're already healing, so it's getting better and Mom told us she would have her old beautiful face back when she wakes up.

_If_ she wakes up.

"Hey, Ky," I whisper after I sit down on the chair next to her, taking her motionless hand into mine. I look up at her, trying to find any sign that she actually hears me.

Nothing.

"Come on, Ky, you need to wake up. I know we are telling you that all the time, but please, stop being stubborn for the first time and listen to us. Please." My voice is weak and I already feel the bulge in my throat, but I don't cry. I have to be strong. "I miss you. We all miss you. You can't leave us like that. You can't do that to us. You can't, Ky. So please, wake up." I'm brushing my thumb over the soft skin, a single tear trickling down my face.

"Spence?" I quickly turn around, wiping the tear from my face as I notice Angel standing in the doorway. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I stand up. "Yeah, I am. What's up, Angel?"

She gets closer to me, her eyes scanning Kyla's body, then they go back to me. "You should take them home. You all need rest. I'll look after Kyla."

"What about you?"

She walks closer until she reaches Kyla's bed and staring at her, answers, "I'm okay. Dad will pick me up tomorrow morning," she says, not looking at me. "Besides, I want to be alone with her for a while." She looks up at me with pleading eyes.

I nod. "Okay. I'll take them home. See you tomorrow."

"Thanks," is the last word I hear her whisper before sitting down on the chair where I was sitting just a minute ago. I turn around to leave as I reach the door and just when I'm ready to close it behind me, I hear words that stop me. "Hey, baby."

_Baby?_

"How are you? I'm sorry I told Spencer to leave, but I wanted to be alone with you. At least for a while."

I release the door handle, but don't close it all the way. I know I shouldn't be listening to this, but my curiosity is stronger than me.

And then I hear a quiet sob. "I'm so sorry, babe. If we weren't that stupid, nothing would've happened. It's my fault. If I weren't arguing with him, nothing would've happened. God, Ky, can you forgive me?" I hear another heartbreaking sob. "Please, wake up. I can't live without you. You're my everything." Suddenly, she stops and I can see her through the gap gently kissing Kyla's hand. "Remember our first night together?"

Wait, what?

_Together?_

"You promised you'd never leave me. Now it's the time to keep the promise, babe. Please, wake up," she manages to say between sobs and I finally decide that is time for me to leave. I shouldn't have been here. I shouldn't have listened to this. It was intimate and I heard it all.

Nice job, Spencer.

Dumbass.

I want to silently close the door, but I think it wasn't that quiet, because suddenly, I see a horrified Angel standing right in front of me, staring at me with eyes wide open.

"You heard it all?"

"Uhmm…"

Yes?

"No…?"

Of course she doesn't believe me, because, well, I can't lie at all and I watch her eyes grow even wider. "Oh my God." She turns around, enters the room again and slumps down on the chair.

"Wait… Angel, it's okay." I kneel in front of her. "Actually, I think it's great."

She looks at me in disbelief. "You do?"

"Yeah, of course. I mean, you and Kyla are so cute and perfect together, I really think it's great and did I say you look cute together yet?" I'm rambling, I know, but I have no idea what to say, so I just keep rambling. "And uhmm... If you love each other, it's all good, I mean it's t--"

"Spencer?" I'm cut off.

"Yeah?"

"You're rambling," she smirks at me.

"Yeah, I know." My eyes fall down to my feet, suddenly thinking they're pretty interesting.

Which they're not, by the way.

"But I really do think it's great," my eyes go back at her as I give her a shy smile that is immediately returned.

"Thanks."

Then I watch her slump down on the chair in front of Kyla's room, sighing heavily as she runs her hand through her hair. I slowly sit down next to her, thinking of what I'm gonna say now. "How long?" Is the first question that comes into my mind.

"Two weeks after you came. So that would be almost two months," she says honestly, staring ahead while she's playing with her fingers.

"Oh wow, that's long."

"I know."

We're silent for a while until I blur out. "I knew it!"

Yeah, well, that's another thing that comes into my mind.

"What?" She glances at me, confused.

"I knew it! When I saw you dancing together, remember?" She nods. "You were sooo all over each other. I knew something was going on." She blushes adorably as I grin at her. "Why do you keep it as a secret?"

The blush immediately disappears from her face and she frowns. "Because of Ashley."

"Huh? Ashley?"

"Yeah. Kyla doesn't want her to know."

I really don't get it.

"Why not? I think Ashley would be happy to see her sister happy."

She forced a smile. "No, believe me, she wouldn't." As she sees the completely confused look on my face, she continues. "You know, Davies sisters are pretty protective of each other. Kyla never liked Ashley's boyfriends because she was scared they would hurt her and Ashley was happy that Kyla never had a boyfriend yet. Kyla didn't think Ashley would take it well."

"But I think Kyla likes me," I say shyly.

She smiles at me. "She does. She thinks you're the right for her sister. You're sweet and innocent and Kyla thinks you're the best person she's ever met," she says truthfully, still smiling at me. And I blush furiously, of course, because I wouldn't be me if I didn't blush. "You don't have to blush, it's true, Spence. Kyla loves you."

"And she also loves you," I add. "I don't think there would be a problem with Ashley; she likes you."

"Yeah. As Kyla's best friend. Not as her girlfriend. You know, before I got together with Ky, I was pretty bad at this. I had new toy every week and Ashley knows it. And I'm sure as hell, that she wouldn't agree with our relationship. Kyla hadn't had anyone before me and believe me, I'm not the kind of girl your mother would want you to be with. I've changed since I've been with her, but Ashley wouldn't understand."

Whoaaa, where is the girl I met a couple of months ago?

She's really changed.

A lot.

"Do you want me to talk about it with her?"

She shakes her pretty head. "No. But thanks, Spence. Kyla was right, you know." I stare at her, confused. "That you're great." She gives me a weak smile, and small dimples appear on her cheek when she does that.

The next thing I know, I'm hugging Angel with all my strength until I hear her giggle. "Need air, Spence."

"Oh sorry." I blush slightly after I let her go. She gives me one of her smiles again before she tells me to go and take Ashley and Chris home. I nod, knowing Kyla's in good hands.

The best, actually.


	30. Chapter 30

_An update!!_

_Finally, I know._

_I'm so sorry for the delay, but there you go, another update. Don't be mad...? Pwease..?_

_So yeah, enjoy, let me know what you think and oh, it's slightly NC-17._

**30.**

_Take them home._

Easy to say, not so easy to actually do.

"No, I'm telling you I'm not going. I'm staying here with my sister."

After I wake them up and tell them I'm taking them home, they both start to act like children. They cross their arms across their chests, both of them resolutely shaking their heads, telling me they're not going.

"Ashley, I'm not discussing this. You need some sleep and I am going to take you home. Both of you," I add, giving Chris a look. "Besides, Angel is with her, she is safe and we can go back tomorrow morning. But please, let me take you home," I say pleadingly, giving her my best puppy dog look. After a minute of glaring at me, I hear her sigh.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay. But we are coming back tomorrow morning. Deal?"

"Deal," I smirk and take her hand into mine. She immediately intertwines our fingers as I pull her to her feet. I look at Chris, who seems to finally give up too. "Are you coming?" He obediently nods, following us outside to Ashley's car. After a while of arguing about who is going to drive, I win again and sit down behind the wheel. We drop Chris home, assuring him we'll pick him up tomorrow and finally, after a few more minutes of driving, we finally pull up in front of Davies' house and we both get out of the car in silence. She lazily unlocks the front door, entering the house with me right behind her.

"Uhmm…I'll just call a cab," I say shyly.

She looks at me as if I'm stupid. "Excuse me? You're not leaving me alone tonight, are you?" she asks, sounding hurt.

"I thought you wanted to be alone," I murmur, nervously playing with my hands.

"Well, I don't. You're staying the night," she proclaims with an "I'm not talking about it anymore" tone. I don't have another choice, so I just nod, waiting for her next move. She makes her way upstairs without a word to me, so I take that as a sign to follow her into her room. After we reach her bedroom, she immediately collapses on her bed with a heavy sigh. "I'm so damn tired," she says with a groan.

"Me too," I join as I collapse on the bed next to her.

She turns around, so now she's facing me and props her head up on her hand. "Thank you," she speaks softly.

I turn around my head, staring at her, confused. "For what?"

"For being there for us," she says simply.

I frown. "You don't have to thank me. Kyla's my friend; what kind of a friend would I be if I weren't there for her?"

"But it's not your duty to be in the hospital with us."

I lift my hand to gently touch her cheek. "I want to," I whisper. I see her face light up as she gives me her best crinkle smile. She then leans down and places a soft kiss on my lips. She wants to pull back, but I immediately grab her head and pull her lips back on mine and a soft moan escapes her mouth as I lick her bottom lip with my tongue. She parts her lips to allow my tongue to gently slip in. We both let out quiet moans as our tongues brush. After a second, I feel her body start lowering above me, but I quickly break the kiss, causing her to frown. She's looking at me, completely confused and obviously unsatisfied. "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna take a shower," I say before I stand up off the bed, but not before placing last loving kiss on her lips.

She groans as she collapses back on the bed. "You're a _big_ tease, Spence. Do you know it?"

"Aww, baby, don't be pissed. I just really _have to_ take a shower and I think you should take one too," I add, grinning at her.

She lifts up her head. "Are you saying that I smell?"

I shake my head. "Nope, I'm not. I just think you would smell better if you took a shower," I say innocently, still grinning. "Anyway, can you lend me some clothes?" She frowns and points at her closet. "There. Take whatever you like." I do what she told me to, and grab a baby blue tank top with white shorts and finally head towards her bathroom. I immediately take off my clothes, really looking forward to a hot shower. When I finally feel the hot water splashing all over my tired body, I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life under the shower head.

As I'm enjoying my shower, I don't hear someone quietly open the door and walk in. I don't hear someone strip off their clothes and I don't see them hungrily staring at me while I'm showering. I don't hear or see anything until I feel a pair of hands gently touching my naked shoulders. I immediately turn my head around to spot a very naked Ashley behind me, cheekily grinning at me. "Ash…" I breathe out. She gives me another smile before she softly turns me around, so now I'm standing facing her. I immediately try to cover myself with my hands, but she stops me.

"Don't."

I blush furiously as I watch her eyes traveling down my wet body. When she finally looks up at me again, her eyes are so dark and she looks like she wants to take me right there.

Sex in the shower.

Mhmm, sex_ in the shower._

I cannot wait.

But instead, she takes the sponge from my hand and gently starts washing my body, not tearing her eyes from mine. We're looking into each other's eyes while her hand is traveling along my naked body, massaging every spot of it. When she finishes, she very slowly places the sponge back where it belongs and then let her fingers touch my lips. She replaces her fingers with her lips finally, meeting mine in a hard, passionate kiss, while the water is still splashing over our bodies. We both moan as she places her hand around my waist to pull me closer and our naked bodies touch for the first time. "Make me forget," she whispers into my ear after she pulls away from the kiss, gently nibbling my earlobe. "Please… make me forget tonight," she murmurs again and I gulp.

I know what she wants and I want to give it to her, but I don't know if I can.

"Ash…" I groan. "I don't know how."

She stops nibbling my ear and looks deeply into my eyes. "I'll show you," she whispers. I finally nod and bring my lips back to her in another hungry kiss. When I feel I want more than just a kiss, I tear my lips from hers and move them to her neck, immediately finding the right spot when I hear her let out a moan. I feel her nails scratching my back, but I don't care as I continue sucking and nibbling on her neck, then slowly moving my head down until I reach her breasts. She moans again as I press her against the wall, finding my lips immediately on her nipple. "God, Spence," she groans, burying her hands in my wet hair. Her whole body is arching under the touch of my lips and fingers on her breasts, silently telling me she wants more. I stop for a moment and look up at her, her eyes closed, but when she realizes I stopped, she slowly opens them, staring back at me. She smiles at me, knowing I'm nervous and brings my head back to her, crashing our lips together again. While we are kissing, I feel her hand take mine and slowly move it down her body, until I feel her wet center under my fingers. She moans into my mouth and I smile, the nervousness suddenly disappearing. I let my fingers gently stroke her clit as I move my lips back to her neck, sucking on it. She's already panting, trying to manage some words. "P--please."

I tear my lips from her delicious neck. "Please what, Ashley?"

Now it's my time to be a tease.

Ha!

Her eyes are tightly shut as she's trying to say something while I'm still playing with her clit. "Please what, Ash?" I repeat.

"P--please t--take me," she groans.

I don't need to hear anything else as I slip two fingers enter her. She lets out a loud moan into my shoulder and lifts up her leg to give me better access. She puts her leg around me as she tries to be as close as possible, while I slowly find a tempo with my fingers. "Ugh…f--aster," she mumbles and I, as a good lover, immediately obey, speeding up my pace. I'm fucking her hard and fast now and her moaning is turning me on like hell, but I know that tonight is about her, so I'm trying to control my needs.

It's tough, though.

But I'm strong.

When I feel her body begin to tremble, I curl my fingers inside of her and that is the moment when she comes hard with my name on her lips. I hold her body until she stops shaking and pull out my fingers of her. She slowly opens her eyes and looks at me, giving me a weak, but happy smile. I smile back before I lean in to place a loving kiss on her lips. We both get out of the shower, and I dry our wet bodies. After we change into our pj's, we finally leave the bathroom and immediately collapse on her bed. We are curled up next to each other, looking each other in the eyes without a word. I can tell she is tired and ready to sleep, and I am too, but we keep staring at each other. Just when I'm ready to finally close my eyes, I hear her whisper.

"I love you."

My eyes grow wider from surprise as I'm unable to speak.

_I love you._

Three simple words.

Three simple words and look what they're doing to me.

She says nothing as well, just keeps staring at me, and suddenly I'm not sure if I'm not just dreaming. But then I look at her, and I know I'm not. She said that, she really did.

"I love you, too."

Four simple words.

Four simple words and look what they're doing to her.

She gives me her best crinkle smile before she leans in and places a gentle kiss on my lips, murmuring "I love you" over and over.

Three simple words.

Just three simple words, but I feel like those words suddenly changed my whole life.


	31. Chapter 31

_A/N: I am so incredibly sorry for the wait. I know I suck, believe me I do._

_I should p__robably find some good excuse now, but I don't really have any. I've been just busy with work and life. Is that a good excuse? Guess not, right? Plus, I also was stuck with this fic, but hey, I wrote something._

_And I promise that the wait for the next chapter won't be that along._

_Anyway, thank you for all your feedback. Love ya, guys._

* * *

31.

I'm dreaming about the love of my life when an annoying sound wakes me up. I groan, taking a look at the digital clock next to Ashley's bed.

3 am.

Great.

Who the hell is calling at this hour?

"Ash…" I softly shake my sleeping girlfriend. She stirs a little, murmuring my name in her sleep.

Aww, she dreams about me? That is so sweet.

"Ash… baby…" I try again and finally, she slowly opens her still heavy eyes, sleepily blinking at me.

"What?"

"Your phone…" I point at the annoying thing next to her and she follows my stare until I see her frown as she reaches out to grab the phone.

"Hello?" she speaks into the phone. "What?" I immediately sit up as I hear the tone of her voice. "We'll be right there," she finishes and hangs up, turning her head towards me. "Kyla… she's awake."

* * *

When we finally, after Ashley's wild ride, arrive to the hospital, we find Angel standing in front of Kyla's room, waiting for us. When she spots us, a look of happiness and fear appears on her face. "Why are you here?" is Ashley's first question. "Is she okay? Can we see her?"

"Spencer's mom and some nurse are with her now. They told me to wait outside."

Now Ashley looks frightened. "Why? Is she okay? Something's wrong, right? I want to see her. She's my sister!"

Just as she finishes, my mom and an old nurse come out of Kyla's room. "Your sister just fell asleep, Miss Davies."

"What? She's in a coma again?" she asks, now seriously frightened.

Mom calms her down with her soothing voice. "No, don't be worried. She just fell asleep."

"Is she… is she okay?" Now it's time for Angel to ask.

"Yes, she is. She doesn't have amnesia, she just doesn't remember what happened right before the accident, but that is quite normal. You don't have to worry."

"What… what about her wounds? Her face..." She doesn't have to finish before Mom places her hand on Angel's shoulder.

"It's healing. There are some bad wounds on her face and there will be scars, but plastic surgery works wonders. Besides, maybe the scars won't even be visible. We'll just have to wait."

"Can I see her?" Ashley asks hopefully and mom nods.

"Yes, you can. She's under a sedative now, but you can see her. But only you," she adds, looking at Angel and me. I look at Ashley and give her an encouraging smile, knowing she wants to be with her sister alone anyway. But on the other side, also knowing that Kyla's girlfriend wants to be with her too, I see the disappointed look on Angel's face.

* * *

"You have to tell her."

"I know. But not now."

"So when?"

"I don't know. I really don't, Spencer."

After my mom and the nurse leave without so much as a glance at us, we stay alone in the waiting room while Ashley sees Kyla.

"You have to tell her too, you know."

I glance at Angel when she speaks again, the confusion obvious on my face. "What do you mean?"

"Don't be stupid, Spence. Your mother. You have to tell her you're gay."

I frown. "I don't. She doesn't have to know anything. You don't know my mom, she is the biggest homophobic I know. She would hate me."

"Why would she hate you? She's your mom. She must love you just the way you are."

I look at her in disbelief. "You really believe in that bullshit?" I see the hurt look on Angel's face. "Sorry, I didn't mean to," I apologize softly. "I just… she isn't like your mom. She wouldn't accept it. She thinks every gay person is a sinner and will go to hell. She wouldn't understand," I tell her sadly. Then I feel a soft hand on my own, gently squeezing it. I look up and I'm met with the most understanding face I've ever seen.

She flashes an understanding smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't know your mom was such a bi…" She realizes what she's saying and gives me an apologetic smile. "Sorry. I didn't know your mom was such a…" she pauses, searching for the right word.

"Bitch." I chuckle when I see her shocked face. "No, you're right, she is. She can be a huge bitch. I know it's my mom and I shouldn't talk about her like that, but it's true, so what. She deserves it anyway."

"So you won't tell her?" she asks again. "Ever?"

I sigh. "Never is a strong word. I know that I have to tell her eventually because of Ashley. I don't want to hide her. I want the whole word to know that I finally found the love of my life…" I smile to myself dreamily.

"Wow, strong words, Spence."

I giggle. "I know. Don't tell her, okay?"

Speaking of Ashley…

She's exited Kyla's room and she seems to be…

Pissed off.

She immediately walks towards us with this pissed face, glaring at Angel.

"Why didn't you tell me?!"


	32. Chapter 32

**32.**

"Do you hear me? Why didn't you tell me?"

Angel stands up, looking scared as hell. I can understand why; Ashley seems to be very pissed. Last time I've seen her like that was when she found out I was not 17.

"Ash…" she starts, but is immediately interrupted.

"Don't 'Ash' me now. Why didn't you tell me you're dating my sister?"

"Ashley, I… Kyla told you?"

"No, she did not tell me," she spits out furiously. "She was murmuring something in her sleep and the words I recognized were "baby" right after "Angel". I can put two and two together." She glares at her again. "How long, Angel? How long have you two been lying to me?"

I can see Angel's face and I can tell she's terrified as my furious girlfriend is glaring at her, looking like she wants to punch her in the face right there.

So I decide it's time to calm her down.

I slowly stand up and approach her, placing my hand on her shoulder. "Ashley, baby." She finally tears her eyes from Angel and glares at me.

"What?"

"Calm down, please. It's not a big deal. So they're dating. So what? Is it that bad? Your sister is happy with her."

"But…" she searches for the words. "But… she's too young. And… and Angel doesn't mean it. She has a new toy every week…"

"But I've changed!" Angel almost screams. "Don't you get it, Ashley? I love your sister. I love Kyla, accept it! When was the last time you saw me with someone? I'm not that girl anymore. Your sister changed me and I adore her for that. I'm in love with her. Just please… accept it. Accept _us_," she pleads.

Ashley's staring at her with eyes wide open, as if she's trying to remember every word Angel said and suddenly turns around, walking away. Angel looks at me desperately.

"I'll talk to her," I say and follow my furious and overreacting girlfriend to the bathroom.

I hate when she's like that.

Worse than a kid.

And a teacher.

Pffft.

I find her sitting on the floor, staring in front of her. She doesn't look up when I walk in, but I'm sure she knows it's me. It's always me.

I sit down next to her. "Hey."

"Hey."

She still doesn't look at me. I don't say anything else as I wait for her to start.

And she does.

"I just can't believe it. They both have been lying to me. The whole time. I don't even know how long they've been together."

"Two months," I say without thinking.

"What?" She finally looks at me.

"I…uh…"

She glares at me. "You knew?" When I don't answer, she stands up. I immediately stand up too, knowing I fucked up again. "This is ridiculous. You lied to me again?! I can't believe you, Spencer."

"No, wait. It's not what do you think," I try defend myself.

"No? So what it's like, Spencer? Did you know or not?" She crosses her arms, waiting for my answer.

"I did, but…"

But I'm cut off again. "You know what? Forget it." She turns around and is ready to leave when I grab her hand.

"Wait. Let me just explain, please," I say pleadingly. She stops finally, glaring at me. I take that as a sign to start. "Angel told me last night, okay? I didn't know it before. And she wouldn't even have told me if I didn't catch her telling Kyla that she loves her. I couldn't tell you, because she asked me not to. She was scared, Ashley."

She let out a frown. "Scared? Of what?"

"Of you. Your own sister was scared to tell you, because she didn't know how you would react. They were scared you would react just like you did now. Angel truly loves your sister, Ashley. And your sister loves Angel. Accept it."

Her features finally soften and she looks like a little child now.

"But it's my little sister…"

I take a step closer to her. "I know."

"I have to protect her."

I take another step. "I know."

"If she hurts her…"

And another. "She won't."

"But what if…"

She doesn't finish this time when she notices how close we are now. Instead she gives me a small smile. "Hey."

I return the smile, leaning in a little. "Hey."

"What are you doing?"

I smile again as I answer. "Just kissing you," before I close the gap between us. I pull away almost immediately, leaving her wanting more with her eyes closed.

"Mhmm… no, come back," she protests after she opens her eyes. I let out a small laugh before I place my lips on hers again in a gentle kiss. This time it takes me longer to pull away, but that doesn't stop her from frowning after I do that. "You're such a tease," she mutters.

I smirk at her. "That's why you love me."

"And someone is full of herself."

I pretend to be shocked. "Who? Me? No way."

She chuckles before she leans in again and gives me a quick kiss. "I love you."

I smile widely and automatically place my hands around her face, pulling her closer to me. "I love you too," I murmur into her lips. "I love you so much, you have no idea."

"Actually, I think I do," she grins, finally closing the distance between us as she pulls me even closer, crashing our lips together in a passionate but loving kiss.

This time it takes us longer to pull apart. And it's just because we both need air. We rest our foreheads together, smiling at each other. "You make me happy, Spencer."

"You make me happier than I've ever been," I reply, seeing her smile widely, her nose crinkling.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Will you be my girlfriend?" she asks, suddenly all nervous, but hella cute.

I straighten up, staring at her in confusion. "But I thought…"

"No no, wait. I know it's lame and all, but I just wanted to make it official. To make our relationship official. I want to tell the whole world that I love you, Spencer. I want them to know that you're mine and I'm yours and that I'm finally happy now. So I'm asking you again, will you be my girlfriend, Spencer Carlin?"

I give her an amused grin. "You're such a dork."

"Does that mean 'yes'?" she asks hopefully.

"Of course it means yes, silly," I say, taking her lips in mine again. It begins as a peck, but soon it starts getting heated. She licks my bottom lip, asking for entrance, which I immediately accept, allowing her tongue to softly slip into my hot mouth. We both moan when our tongues touch for the first time, gently massaging each other. We're lost in each other's lips and we don't really register the whole world around us, when a shocked and angry voice interrupts us.

"Spencer?! Oh my God…" I hear a familiar voice scream behind us. We quickly turn around to spot a very surprised Paula staring at us with her mouth wide open.

"Mom…" I start, but she cuts me off.

"You… Her… Oh my God."

Ashley next to me tries to help me. "Mrs. Carlin, we can explain…"

Mom glares at her, the death look scares Ashley for sure, since she stops talking. "Explain what? That my daughter was kissing a girl?!" She directs the stare at me. "What is this supposed to mean, Spencer? Is this some kind of joke or something?"

Now it's my turn to finally say something.

Be brave, Spencer.

You can make it.

I know you can.

"No, mom. This is not a joke," I say, surprisingly calm. "Ashley is my girlfriend." I watch Mom's expression when I say this; her eyes get wide along with her mouth.

"A g--girlfriend?" she whispers, still not believing her own ears.

"Yes," I say and take Ashley's hand into mine, intertwining our fingers. She glances at me, smiling widely. I return the smile before I turn my attention back to my mother. "My girlfriend."

She doesn't say a word as she turns around and walks away, leaving us alone. I see Ashley look at me with a question in her eyes. "You probably should talk to her."

I nod. "Yes, I probably should." I stand still though.

"Now?" she asks hopefully.

I nod again. "Now." And this time I force myself to take a couple of steps forward, leaving Ashley in the bathroom alone. I don't quite know where my mom went, so I just go to her office, hoping she will be there.

And she is.

Sitting on the chair, blankly staring in front of her.

I quietly, without knocking. walk in, hoping she won't kick me out right away.

"Mom?"

She looks up to meet my stare, not showing any emotion in her eyes, so I try again. "Mom?"

When she still doesn't answer, I sit down on another chair, waiting for her to say something.

"Why, Spencer?" is her first question. I look at her, confused. "Why can't you be normal?"

I take a deep breath before I answer. "I'm sorry, Mom. It's not like I could choose. It wasn't my choice."

"You always have a choice!" She raises her voice. "Why can't you be happy with Brian? Why can't you be happy with a boy? This is not right, Spencer. It's sick. You are sick," she finishes.

I stare at her in disbelief. "You don't really believe in what you're saying, right?" As she keeps quiet, I understand that she does believe in that. I slowly stand up, our blue eyes meeting. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm sorry for you not being able to love me the way I am. Because this is who I am. Gay." She freezes as I speak that word. "Yes, I am gay. I've always been and I always will be; nothing and no one can change it. Not even you. And I'm sorry that you can't accept it, accept _me._" I finish the last words, fighting the tears in my eyes. No, I won't cry. Not because of her.

She keeps staring at me and I can see the single tear slowly streaming down her face. "I'm sorry," I say for the last time and walk out of her office and maybe out of her life.

Maybe I just lost my mother. Maybe I just lost my family.

But maybe, just maybe, I found a new family.


End file.
